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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #261
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StephMC939 View Post
    So... what about a nice, fragrant bonsai tree? ... I only say that because he has a lot of plants and is always watering them. And a bonsai tree would be nicer looking than at least a few of them. He really likes his apartment looking nice. :rolli:
    That sounds great! I once got my ESTJ hand soap.......yes, hand soap. Because he liked it so much and he wouldn't stop talking about how he liked the smell of this particular brand. So I got it for him and apologized when I gave it to him cause I thought it was such a crappy gift. (but he had everything and I was at a loss. So I got it anyway). But he liked it. I think your bonzai tree will go over very well! I mean, who wouldn't love a bonzai tree?...they're adorable!
    ~Live and learn from fools and from sages~




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  2. #262

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    Are you able to chill out if things need to be done? If not why does it stop you from being able to chill?

  3. #263
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    I can definitely chill out. But, of course, it depends on the situation. I can chill in any of these things-getting-done situations:

    - The thing isn't a big deal
    - The thing is easy to do/I'm confident in my ability to complete the thing
    - Somebody I trust to do the thing is going to do it (therefore it's not my thing to worry about anymore, and my responsibility is gone)
    - Even though the thing is important, there are MORE important things to deal with.

    Any other situation will worry me. Even if there's no reason to be worried, if there's no reason to be confident either, then I might still worry. People often make fun of me for saying stuff like "I'm concerned about this deadline" the day before, and then doing really well... but that doesn't keep me from worrying about it. The thing is, it's usually not a crippling worry - I get over it quickly. So even though I'm not chill, I'm not stressed out either, at least I'm not stressed WHILE I'm working. It's somewhere in the middle - I call it "business mode". Very matter-of-fact, methodical... robotic? Hard to say.

    But yeah, I often chill out, though not as much as other people do. (I think I chill out more than most of the FJs I know, though - they worry a lot, especially the older ones. And the ISFJ that I know always ends up regretting it when she chills out too much.) I think one of the reasons why we don't chill out more than we do is that we don't necessarily NEED to chill out that much. We like busy schedules, so if we keep our days filled, we might just be happy going home and watching half an hour of TV, and that would be our only chillaxing time. Yay for long attention spans
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  4. #264

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    Oh thanks for that, I was unaware of the actual process but yeah that makes sense... its not stress but maybe just an incomplete feeling that disallows full relaxation

    Guess the best way for an ESTJ to chill is to take a holiday away from it all?

  5. #265
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Yeah, probably - better yet, a holiday that's being planned by somebody else (that they trust to do the job well). That way they won't be trying to control everything.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #266
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Can you bear to sit down if you have dishes in the sink? I rarely see evidence of ESTJ messiness. Under what circumstances could it manifest itself?

  7. #267
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Someone expressed surprise to me that an ESTJ man would enjoy cooking (perhaps they figured that they'd prefer more traditional gender roles?). I know three ESTJ men who revel in it and are the primary cook in their relationship. They are fairly adventurous in it and like getting others to try tasty things, whether they have made them or whether they've discovered them somewhere. (The less mature ones are a little impatient with people who have illogical likes and dislikes in eating.)

    I think learning to cook has to do with liking to be self-sufficient, an appreciation of the practical and wanting to be competent at whatever they do. Cooking seems to me to be one of those things that would enhance their surroundings in an enjoyable, useful, concrete way, and also serve as a vehicle to show care for those they love. Is that true in your experience, or not?

  8. #268
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Can you bear to sit down if you have dishes in the sink? I rarely see evidence of ESTJ messiness. Under what circumstances could it manifest itself?
    If there's not enough time to fix something, or if it's an "organized mess", or if, by accident, it's gotten to the messiness point where the ESTJ kinda gives up, then they might leave it messy. Dishes, though, are a different story, because you don't have to really organize them, so it doesn't take a lot of work/thought to do them. So... I guess, unless it's the job of someone else in the house to do the dishes, ESTJs probably wouldn't want to leave them unwashed for long. So I guess it depends on the situation, and what kind of mess it is.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Someone expressed surprise to me that an ESTJ man would enjoy cooking (perhaps they figured that they'd prefer more traditional gender roles?). I know three ESTJ men who revel in it and are the primary cook in their relationship. They are fairly adventurous in it and like getting others to try tasty things, whether they have made them or whether they've discovered them somewhere. (The less mature ones are a little impatient with people who have illogical likes and dislikes in eating.)
    Maybe it seems too creative? I dunno. Either way, I relate to the entire paragraph (including the bold part, I'm sorry to say. Example: I have an ENTP friend who kinda has taste bud OCD, in that she doesn't like different tastes mixing in her mouth - plus, she doesn't eat meat - so she eats this boring kid food all day every day, and it DRIVES ME UP THE WALL :steam

    I think learning to cook has to do with liking to be self-sufficient, an appreciation of the practical and wanting to be competent at whatever they do. Cooking seems to me to be one of those things that would enhance their surroundings in an enjoyable, useful, concrete way, and also serve as a vehicle to show care for those they love. Is that true in your experience, or not?
    You're totally right. I wouldn't have phrased it as well; if you had asked me the primary reason that I like to cook, I would have said that I like the process of taking all this seemingly unrelated stuff, mixing it together, and ending up with something delicious, and being able to say "I made that!" (Which connects directly to the self-sufficiency thing and the wanting-to-be-competent thing, but not to everything else.)

    That's why I like knitting, too - the process of taking yarn, making some loops, and coming out with a beautiful garment that you can say you made yourself.

    Also, there's the fact that cooking is cheaper than going to restaurants, and knitting is cheaper than buying knit clothes (usually)... speaking of practical.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #269
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yes, I think it's the accomplishment of creating something great from simple things while cooking that they find rewarding. For example, my ESTJ took great pleasure in smoking salmon in the smoker. It was something unusual, he took pride in doing it well, others appreciated it, and it impressed people. I think he also found something rewarding in taking the food that would be otherwise wasted and finding interesting ways of combining it into satisfying and tasty dishes. Definitely the practical considerations fit in there as well.

    It satisfied my ESTJ that I was at least willing to try most things and he realized that if he gave me enough time, I also became much more open to both eating and cooking ingredients that I was not open to before. I would be much more likely to just take it at face value if someone said they disliked something instead of doing the Green Eggs and Ham thing. I actually appreciated that he cared enough to find ways of making the food where I could get to like things like fish or eggs.

    He was horrified that I might not serve tuna from a can or something that I didn't enjoy if I were to have children because it was depriving them of growing to appreciate that. I on the other hand felt that it would be hypocritical to expect a child to eat something that I didn't. I wouldn't mind letting them try it, but if they didn't like it right away, I wouldn't persist. Probably we met in the middle on our thoughts on some of those issues. As a parent, perhaps the ESTJ may tend to have unnecessary battles with the child over food when it would straighten itself out over time without ruining the harmony of many meals. I probably have more sympathy, as I used to gag a lot as a kid when I tried to eat certain food that is no longer a problem now. My mother was big on taking thank you portions of several bites, to keep trying it, but not pushing it too much.

    My ESTJ was very confused by my dislike of certain food based solely on texture, but conceded the point after seeing how many other people are the same way. If I had been alone in my opinion though...

  10. #270
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Yes, I think it's the accomplishment of creating something great from simple things while cooking that they find rewarding. For example, my ESTJ took great pleasure in smoking salmon in the smoker. It was something unusual, he took pride in doing it well, others appreciated it, and it impressed people.
    Do you think this has anything to do with hierarchy? e.g. "No one else cooks salmon in the smoker (that I'm friendly with), so I'm at the top of the hierarchy because there's no one else IN the hierarchy! w00t!"

    I would be much more likely to just take it at face value if someone said they disliked something instead of doing the Green Eggs and Ham thing.
    LOL, I love that - "the Green Eggs and Ham thing"! I totally do that too. It seems like on pretty much every topic, I have to understand WHY they feel like that, and if they've considered this or that, etc, etc, and it becomes almost a debate, even though I'm not consciously trying to debate them.

    As a parent, perhaps the ESTJ may tend to have unnecessary battles with the child over food when it would straighten itself out over time without ruining the harmony of many meals.
    I think we tend to make unnecessary battles out of ANYTHING. (See above )

    I probably have more sympathy, as I used to gag a lot as a kid when I tried to eat certain food that is no longer a problem now. My mother was big on taking thank you portions of several bites, to keep trying it, but not pushing it too much.
    That may be part of it. See, I dunno about other ESTJs, but I'm not a picky eater at all. Sure, I liked mac and cheese the best when I was a kid, but I'd also eat anything people gave me, pretty much since birth. (I first fell in love with alfredo sauce before I was a year old, and I ate - and appreciated - calamari when I was about five.) So, I dunno if it's type related, but that may have been the issue. ESTJs who are picky eaters would definitely be more sympathetic, but, as such, I know of no such people... not that that's saying much, since I just know the one ESTJ irl. (The ISTJ I know, on the other hand, is one of the pickiest eaters I know... but then again, she doesn't have that passion for cooking that we were just talking about.)
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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