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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #2561
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Thanks @Seymour!

    I think you're right about emotional awareness not necessarily being related to type. What I was attempting to refer to in my earlier post was less emotional awareness and more emotional openness. I don't know about other ESTJs but when I'm feeling particularly emotional, I shut down, and getting me to even acknowledge the existence of my feelings and needs (let alone try to articulate them) is like pulling teeth.
    In that case, it sounds less like lack of emotional awareness, and more about psychological defenses. I think for every type (both MBTI and enneagram) being emotionally vulnerable is an huge challenge. Still, fulfillment and meaning comes about largely through vulnerability (dammit!). So learning to be vulnerable (and learning to be patient with others as they learn trust and vulnerability in a relationship) can be challenging. I still struggle with knowing when to vulnerable in relationships. I feel like my e5 leanings make me less likely to risk than some INFPs.

    (And MBTI-wise, I think FPs tend to risk more and tend to attempt vulnerability as a gambit, while FJs tend to be more in tune what's appropriate for the level of relationship. Laying your emotional cards on the table can be a good gambit sometimes, but at other times it can freak the other person out.)
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  2. #2562
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    What do you thinkk about ESTJ female/ ISFJ male relationship?
    any good/bad things for ESTJ female/ ISFJ male relationship?
    What should ISFJ do for ESTJ?
    What should ESTJ do for ISFJ?

  3. #2563
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by snowsun View Post
    What do you thinkk about ESTJ female/ ISFJ male relationship?
    any good/bad things for ESTJ female/ ISFJ male relationship?
    What should ISFJ do for ESTJ?
    What should ESTJ do for ISFJ?
    Hm.

    1) I tend to be more drawn towards Ns, personally, because I'm more drawn towards my opposites -- also because I'm so much weirder than the ISxJs I know, they tend to not know what to do with me. So I think it could work very well with ESTJs and ISFJs who are better balanced relative to one another on the weirdness scale.
    2) Not really. I guess make sure any future children feel supported even if they want to (literally or figuratively) color outside the lines. Two SJs together, in parenting situations or otherwise, can be basically an immovable wall. So try, with each other and with outside parties, to remain flexible.
    3) and 4) ISFJ and ESTJ should provide each other with stability in the ways that the other lacks -- with ESTJ providing calm when ISFJ is upset or panicky, and ISFJ being there emotionally for ESTJ when they feel alone/unappreciated in times of stress.

    @Yamato Nadeshiko ?
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    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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  4. #2564
    Sweet Summer Dik Dik yama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Hm.

    1) I tend to be more drawn towards Ns, personally, because I'm more drawn towards my opposites -- also because I'm so much weirder than the ISxJs I know, they tend to not know what to do with me. So I think it could work very well with ESTJs and ISFJs who are better balanced relative to one another on the weirdness scale.
    2) Not really. I guess make sure any future children feel supported even if they want to (literally or figuratively) color outside the lines. Two SJs together, in parenting situations or otherwise, can be basically an immovable wall. So try, with each other and with outside parties, to remain flexible.
    3) and 4) ISFJ and ESTJ should provide each other with stability in the ways that the other lacks -- with ESTJ providing calm when ISFJ is upset or panicky, and ISFJ being there emotionally for ESTJ when they feel alone/unappreciated in times of stress.

    @Yamato Nadeshiko ?
    Man, I don't know anything about relationships.
    I'm a slut for xSTJ types though. But pretty much all the ones I have known outside of a work environment are ISTJs.
    I would say that you have good answers though.
    MBTI: ESFJ
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  5. #2565
    Musician Forever's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yamato Nadeshiko View Post
    Man, I don't know anything about relationships.
    I'm a slut for xSTJ types though. But pretty much all the ones I have known outside of a work environment are ISTJs.
    I would say that you have good answers though.
    What is it about ISTJ's that make you want to moanshout across the rooftops about?

  6. #2566
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever View Post
    What is it about ISTJ's that make you want to moanshout across the rooftops about?
    Si doms have silly/goofy Ne. Our senses of humor click together. We also have similar interests. At the same time, I get along with ISTJs better than other ISFJs because I need their Te to give a new perspective to my Fe.
    MBTI: ESFJ
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  7. #2567
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yamato Nadeshiko View Post
    Si doms have silly/goofy Ne. Our senses of humor click together. We also have similar interests. At the same time, I get along with ISTJs better than other ISFJs because I need their Te to give a new perspective to my Fe.
    This is very interesting. I am hoping as I get back to California, I can appreciate more of how Te can bring practical function in my life. Although it's hard for me to easily get used to their methods of getting things done. Sometimes Te users make discipline sound so easy and when actually stuff gets done. You're like omg why am I working so much.

    I think Te users too on mbti tests can easily pass more judging qualities than any other user. Because to the feeler, you work based on what people feel is the best use of their time and effort. So it's like deadlines and other projects sound pretty Te in nature.

  8. #2568
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    Quote Originally Posted by Forever View Post
    This is very interesting. I am hoping as I get back to California, I can appreciate more of how Te can bring practical function in my life. Although it's hard for me to easily get used to their methods of getting things done. Sometimes Te users make discipline sound so easy and when actually stuff gets done. You're like omg why am I working so much.

    I think Te users too on mbti tests can easily pass more judging qualities than any other user. Because to the feeler, you work based on what people feel is the best use of their time and effort. So it's like deadlines and other projects sound pretty Te in nature.
    I mean, the Te can definitely brush me the wrong way sometimes. It can be blunt and direct in a way that forces me to acknowledge what I already know (but would rather ignore). And I'm sure they can find Fe frustrating ("Why do you care if it hurts their feelings?! If you don't wanna do it then don't, wtf is the problem here?!") but they really also balance each other out. I'm sure there's some reason ISTJs appreciate me/the Fe or they wouldn't keep me around.
    MBTI: ESFJ
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  9. #2569
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yamato Nadeshiko View Post
    I mean, the Te can definitely brush me the wrong way sometimes. It can be blunt and direct in a way that forces me to acknowledge what I already know (but would rather ignore). And I'm sure they can find Fe frustrating ("Why do you care if it hurts their feelings?! If you don't wanna do it then don't, wtf is the problem here?!") but they really also balance each other out. I'm sure there's some reason ISTJs appreciate me/the Fe or they wouldn't keep me around.
    Sorry if I mentioned California I thought I deleted the entire phrase lol, it was an unnecessary personal sentence that didn't need sharing here lol.

    Haha ikr? Te is like why is it important that you care about everyone's feelings and all I can say just because or just that's how it is. But yeah I mean though healthy usage of each function is valuable in of itself to know.

    Like my mental library of past sensations is so little. I always have a hard time deciding on food because I have to approximate every food within itself and make a decision process rather than relying on perception. So usually I can stick to the same foods because it's been working, doesn't mean I can't appreciate new things but once I have something bad that's new to me. It's really hard to want to explore again. Inferior Se welcomes the new perception but doesn't make a mental note of it.

    It sucks that I can't tell them, my Si is low can you make an argument of about a delicious food item I can try that will be guaranteed good for our taste buds lol. Because our reaction to taste is extremely subjective.

  10. #2570
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    Hi!

    I have known this guy since childhood, we are 28 now. I do suspect he is an ESTJ, and I have considered him as a close friend. And I still do it I think, but its on the verge at the moment.

    How do you confront an ESTJ with a questions that, boiled down, is: Are we still close?

    I might have said something or did something during a psychosis, but he hasnt mentioned anything and I said I'm sorry. But nowadays he doesnt include me in stuff. When I call him we have a great chat until he needs to hurry away, and says he will call me later the same day. He didn't do that so I called him a day after, he didn't answer and didn't call back.

    Now I thinking about to write him a message, something like:

    I consider you as a dear friend, and now I wonder if its anything Ive done to you, i maybe should be sorry about?
    Because you seem to want to take steps away from me.

    How would you guys react to a straightup forward question like this. Im resistent to this because of group harmony.


    And a sidequestion;
    I had issues with drugs, now im been imprisonated for 8 months, drugfree. I've been accepted into a school (real though school to be accepted into), and completley turned around my life. So I just bailed, and told this to this friend and he didnt even congratulate me. Why so?

    Are you ESTJs hard to change opinion about someone when you already manifested your view?

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