User Tag List

First 156206246254255256257258 Last

Results 2,551 to 2,560 of 2615

Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #2551
    Senior Member Ursa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    755

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by scc17 View Post
    How do i treat or behave with this ESTJ?? (ESFP
    Asking)

    We met each other in a jiu jitsu class and things went a lil far (sexually) after telling how we felt for each other so I asked not tell anyone about us to avoid any trouble in his job.

    I started to developed feelings for him and asked him "what are we". He never gave me a straight answer. I was confused so I told two friends we have in common and who knew what was going between us for advice: His boss, who's a friend of mine and a guy from our class who's a mutual friend. He learned that i told others about us and he called and told me he couldn't trust me anymore, that he was hurt, disappointed and could not believe what i did ....and that it was over. One month later, I went to apologize and he agreed on giving me one chance to regain his trust and try to be friends. He also told me to change some aspects of my behavior and be carefull of whom i trust. Like being more humble, less bitchy, keeping things to myself, not trust anyone.

    After that, he started acting completely awkward, sometimes he was nice with me and sometimes he's rough and cold.
    So i decided to pull back and change the aspects he told me to and got way better at jiu jitsu.
    After that he started treating me very respectful and kind. He didn't mind at all spending time explaining any technique I had problem with. He talked to me more often, etc.

    But Again, the situation got way out of hand when the owner (his bosses boss) of all the jiu jitsu academies in the area found out. His best friend (my other teacher) called me and told me if i knew how bad i looked as a woman telling everyone about what I did with the other teacher.

    I was beyond upset.

    So i went directly to talk to the guy and we cleared everything.
    Compared to other situations I've had with him, for my surprise he started treating me with even more respect and kindness.

    True is, I still like him and I don't know what to do with all this....

    Im a ESFP
    Your best bet is to move on from this person. Possibly move on from the school and start elsewhere anew if there is too much drama or if it presents a challenge to your moving on romantically.

    It is never a good idea to stick around with someone who cannot give you a straight answer about your relationship status, and who runs hot and cold. Rest assured people like that want to keep you on reserve and don't actually care about your welfare or your relationship. It is also never a good idea to become involved with a person when your involvement could cause them trouble at work. It sounds like you have experienced some drama at your school on account of your involvement, which only proves this point, and I think it will only get worse over time, especially based on the responses you have received from management. Students should attend to learn and nothing else. Don't mix personal with professional. Thirdly, it is a bad idea to hang out with people who say to be careful of whom you trust (in this context). This is an extremely negative and harmful mindset that will impact your ability to interact with others in a meaningful way in the future. For your sake, discontinue this involvement.

    Run, don't walk, away from this person.

    Why do you even want to stay at a dysfunctional place like this? Management's sexist comment about "how bad you looked as a woman" should be a turn-off. It's not about your sex. It's about two people who made a mistake, and management should be acknowledging the other person's role in it too, more so than yours if he is an instructor or your senior.

  2. #2552
    Senior Member Ursa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    755

    Default

    This thread is so desolate now...



    Just kidding, haha.
    Likes Hard liked this post

  3. #2553
    This is a test. Sil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    363

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Frosty View Post
    Have you ever broken a serious rule? How did you feel after/during/before if you ever have?
    Yes. There's that moment of concern afterwards contemplating the consequences...followed by an "ah, fuck it."

    During the breaking...was just focused on getting whatever it was I wanted out of it. Can't say there was a particular feeling...just focus.

    Did you used to 'police' your peers more than 'play' with them? How do you view rebels/rule-breakers- ect?
    Didn't police anyone. Did bully some and fight others though. Bullying stopped in middle school. Fighting continued on through to high school.

    Kid rebels are a mix of hilarious and annoying. Adult rebels are rampant narcissists.

    Would you ever go for the 'bad boy' stereotype or do you view is as ridiculous and a in and out bad idea-aka as in who would want to actually get in a relationship with someone genuine ill intentions. Suppose maybe depends on the degree and yeah- determining those out and out intentions. Anyways. Better stop now otherwise Ill just answer ALL of them for you- even though it is possible I am an ESTJ. Do you believe I could be an ESTJ?
    No. I had no interest. Didn't view it as ridiculous or otherwise. Just didn't care or pay attention to that sort of detail.

  4. #2554
    This is a test. Sil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    363

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by RosieJones View Post
    Could I also ask what it is that interests you about this website if you typically don't think it helps you in real life in any way?
    This one? Not much. Sometimes it has fun questions to answer.

  5. #2555
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ILI Te
    Posts
    4,184

    Default

    ISTP 7w8

  6. #2556
    This is a test. Sil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    363

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    ISTP 7w8
    Sounds like fun.

  7. #2557
    This is a test. Sil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    363

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    ISTP 7w8
    Probably not.

  8. #2558
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,251

    Default

    Questions for those of you who have been in relationships with ESTJs:

    - How do you deal with how distant and uncommunicative they are?
    - Did they get better at that over time? If so, was it something you did? What did you do? (And nice work!)
    - Did you find it relatively simple to have a mature, grown-up relationship with someone of a type that tends to be so emotionally stunted and/or closed-off?

    I wouldn't mind hearing answers from friends of ESTJs as well, but I'm especially curious about partners because romantic relationships require sooo much more closeness than friendships typically do.

  9. #2559
    Vaguely Precise Seymour's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,562

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Questions for those of you who have been in relationships with ESTJs:

    - How do you deal with how distant and uncommunicative they are?
    - Did they get better at that over time? If so, was it something you did? What did you do? (And nice work!)
    - Did you find it relatively simple to have a mature, grown-up relationship with someone of a type that tends to be so emotionally stunted and/or closed-off?

    I wouldn't mind hearing answers from friends of ESTJs as well, but I'm especially curious about partners because romantic relationships require sooo much more closeness than friendships typically do.
    So I have an ISTJ partner (of 23 years), and an ESTJ dad. So I'm not sure I can exactly address your question, but I can give it a shot based on my ISTJ partner, and my experiences with my ESTJ dad.

    For me, there was definitely a long learning process learning to relate to my partner. I think my partner isn't particularly emotionally/socially aware (even for an STJ). Sometimes that left me feeling somewhat lonely, especially when I wanted someone to be equally emotionally aware and in tune with me. I think I eventually figured out that expecting my partner to be finely attuned emotionally was unfair (or at least frustrating for both of us). He often doesn't know his own emotional state, and expecting him to pick up on mine isn't a recipe for happiness. Early on I felt like that was a deficit on my part (that somehow I wasn't doing enough or trying hard enough), but in recent years I've learned to accept that it isn't matter of fault, and better accept the positive he offers. Conversely, he has gotten somewhat better at reading his own emotional state, which improves things for both of us.

    Similarly. I went through a similar process with my dad (who is more constrained that my partner in many ways). Once I could ease up on expected him to be equally attuned and accept the positives he offered, things became much easier for both of us. At this point, I can appreciate the stability and commitment to family he offers, especially after my coming out to him (which was a huge challenge to his belief system).

    I believe that emotional awareness isn't inherently type constrained (even if it might be type correlated). But it pays to accept people's level of emotional awareness/attunement where it is. People can learn to be more emotionally attuned, but sometimes there might be limiting factors.
    Likes EJCC liked this post

  10. #2560
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,251

    Default

    Thanks @Seymour!

    I think you're right about emotional awareness not necessarily being related to type. What I was attempting to refer to in my earlier post was less emotional awareness and more emotional openness. I don't know about other ESTJs but when I'm feeling particularly emotional, I shut down, and getting me to even acknowledge the existence of my feelings and needs (let alone try to articulate them) is like pulling teeth.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Ask an INTJ
    By logan235711 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 870
    Last Post: 05-22-2015, 05:04 AM
  2. [ISFJ] How to ask an ISFJ out?
    By Grungemouse in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 10-08-2009, 07:04 PM
  3. [MBTItm] How do you spot an ESTJ female?
    By INTJMom in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 12-23-2008, 01:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO