User Tag List

First 99149189197198199200201209249 Last

Results 1,981 to 1,990 of 2615

Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #1981
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,253

    Default

    OA and IL, I'll respond to your posts when I can --
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    OK, here's one I've pondered on for a bit.

    When we had lunch with our friends a few months ago; I picked up on the fact that you (as I do too) have "a lot going on" in your head.
    I asked you if "in general, you were very busy in the course of your everyday life."
    And your answer, (if I recall correctly) was perfect by the way, and was to simply look at me in the eyes, smile ever so slightly, and reply "Yeah, I am usually very busy."

    What has stayed with me about this exchange between us is the difference in our default outward demeanor; I am a cyclonic ball of focused disarray, yet you have a very serene, intense, yet benevolent aura about you - despite being a living nexus of potential energy.
    This is very interesting. I never feel like I have as much energy as, say, you, or someone like you -- but I suppose the amount of stuff I get done on any particular day or in any particular week would suggest otherwise?

    I've known for a while that, even though I am an intense, driven, and passionate person, my energy is generally consistent. I'm not like, say, my Fe-dom extrovert friends, who will be going 90 m/h for part of the day and then spend the rest of the day recuperating alone in a dark corner. Even when I'm really mad, that's probably turning the volume up from 5 to 7 -- only surprising to people who know me, and pretty mild to everyone else.

    HOWEVER... even keeping all this in mind, I've never considered myself high-energy. And I wonder if the "serenity" you perceive, comes from detachment, intended to keep myself from fully absorbing all the stress that I likely should be giving myself on a day-to-day basis.
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    My question is, do others, as in those who do not know they have 75%+ common MBTI characteristics as you, pick up on this element of your nature?
    If they do, how is it usually received?
    If not, is it something you reveal to them over time for the sake of minimizing chances of incongruent expectations between friends?
    This is something I didn't realize until recently, when I was prompted by several comments from friends (and even a comment from an employer!): When people don't know me well, their reaction to me is "How does she do it??" They assume that I achieve everything, with perfect marks, 99% of the time, without even breaking a sweat. I think that's how they reconcile the "intensity" and "serenity" that you pointed out -- two qualities that don't seem to intuitively go together, and that I still don't understand within myself. (I've been described as "chill" before -- and I don't know how I can be "chill" and live the life I live, at the same time!)
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    The reason this has stuck with me for so many months is that to me, that aspect of you was "calming" to me.


    Goodness! You know you're a calming person when the most energetic guy on the planet is calmed by you!!

    I'd sort of heard that from people before? I think I'm very calming to people with a lot of nervous energy, e.g. anxiety or stress. But I figured that was by virtue of no-frills Te honesty. I guess I was wrong? It's an "aura" thing?
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I knew that you had this element about you going on, that I have a similar variant of it too, but that our implementations of these remotely common dispositions were without question unique. So, to me, it was a joy to sit and listen and shut the hell up for a change - LOL!
    It was pretty great to have ESTx bonding time! I'm so glad you enjoyed it too; I didn't have much opportunity to talk to you about it after.
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Do other friends of yours pick up on this?
    If so, how does it affect them?
    I assume they notice and are also calmed by it; I've mentioned on the forum before that my role, oftentimes, is to be the friend who people who are always vented at, vent at. So I have lots of Feeler friends -- especially NFs -- venting at me on a regular basis, definitely not expecting bland, vaguely soothing affirmations (because I don't give those). I had assumed, again, that this was because they were calmed by my honesty, but that could also be a "vibe" thing. It's not something I ask my friends about, although I've been tempted before.
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    For me it is either "hit", "miss", or a "non-issue" - it just depends on who I'm interacting with.
    Could you give some examples? What makes a "hit" or a "miss"?
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    In short, I sincerely enjoyed eating fried chicken with you and listening to your take on life.
    No problem -- it was fun, and I enjoyed listening to you too

    Come visit me sometime when I'm back in the area, and when your dad hasn't rescheduled your car repair!
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Thank you for that; I sincerely appreciate your time and effort as such.
    No problem. I'm very interested in more input from you on this. It's not something I've talked to people about very much, so I'm learning a lot about myself here, too.
    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Hope you're having a great evening!
    You too!
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #1982
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,253

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    No, I'm indifferent to whether he likes me personally. I care about him in a principled way, so that I do not desire to see him fall from his lofty grace. But my motivation was a defense of a person or peoples being unfairly judged. I care about the people his attitudes & comments were hurting, even if abstract, but some were real individuals.

    No, I know him pretty well for a good year now. I've met his family & know many very personal details about him, such as his childhood abuse. We interact several times a week on work we share. He has called me a "friend". We socialize in the same circle & have many mutual friends & acquaintances. This is no stranger to me. He's offered unsolicited advice to me as well.
    I'm confused about your relationship. All that, and you're indifferent to each other? Did you have a falling-out or something?
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    My criticism was constructive. It was making someone aware that they are appearing prejudiced & gossipy. Another ESTJ was present both times & he took to gently mocking the other ESTJ to demonstrate how ridiculous he was being (I guess that was his method of pointing it out). Everyone present was uncomfortable with the ESTJ's narrow-minded views, which were filled with all this unusual amount of emotion for him. He came off like he had a big chip on his shoulder.
    Oh! Then he was embarrassed. Probably trying to regain his dignity.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    The last incident was when he forgot to show up to a meeting he asked for. This was after having him confirm the meeting less than 2 hours beforehand. He never called to say he wasn't coming or would be late. I finally had to call him. He apologized but also made lame excuses. I just let him know that I drove 45 minutes & then waited in the heat for 30 minutes & did not appreciate being forgotten. I think I had a right to be annoyed. I don't raise my voice when I express these things either. I was not going to say, "Oh, I understand; no biggie!". It was very rude.
    IME, ESTJ lame excuses are usually an attempt to explain themselves; they don't always think they're excused by those excuses, if that makes sense. They're hoping for either this response: "Oh that makes sense, we're cool" -- or this response: "I understand why you did that, but here's what you should have done."
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Good. I told him something similar. I told him I was not accusing him of anything malicious & apologized if it seemed that way. He did not express hurt feelings, but rather concern for seeming like a jerk. He contacts me with apologies, as if he felt he were the one out of line, but I almost never put conflict down as one person to blame.
    Ah. That makes sense. I relate to that.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Despite this, I think this person harbors resentment still.
    I don't know if "resentment" is the right word. He probably has a hard time understanding how he could seem like a jerk, so many times, and not lose your respect; if he's like me, he probably had this thought process of "If it were me, I'd lose respect for myself after all that -- so how can I trust that OA doesn't feel that same way, and is hiding it from me?"
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    If I am honest, these incidences have affected my view of him, although I don't intend any harm. How much reassurance does such a person need, without me lying?
    Well, if you really think worse of him after all that, your reassurance should probably include that truth. If he's worrying about your opinion of him, it's because he doesn't know your opinion of him -- or he doesn't know how to get back into your good graces. So it would likely be reassuring to him if you had a come-to-Jesus talk with him and told him exactly what he needs to do to get back on track. I think it would stress him out, to have that talk, but if he's like me, he'd work his ass off to make sure he'd take your advice, and he'd thank you for it later.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    EDIT: I am quite sure this person finds me "unpredictable". I admit I have a moody nature. It's not overt, just veering from more upbeat at times to very silent. There are times when I do not laugh because I am not in the mood. I realize this is confusing to people & try to keep aware of it. But this ESTJ does seem very sensitive to that. I kind of feel like he takes stuff personally when it isn't (again, oh the irony here!). I've communicated that I am just shy & quiet, and usually that is enough for people...
    I'll admit that I've gotten that vibe from you, on the forum, too. It's hard to know when you'll seem angry about something. As I said before, part of it is that INFP serious mode is kind of shocking to ESTJs, because it's like looking at our shadow mode -- which scares us and which we try to avoid. ESTJ 1s do tend to take criticism personally -- but that's because we tend to personally judge others based on repeated actions, so we expect others to judge us the same way. (We are extremely harsh critics!!)
    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    Can you sense the difference when you are using ur functions? Like in situations ur in that require a use of a function other than Te, can u feel the difference between you actively using Te, Si, Ne, or Fi? or any of the other functions?

    I was just wondering because I need help with Si. Just enough to function properly in this world lol. So I wanna know what it feels like to use Si from a Te dom standpoint.


    Thank you!
    I definitely notice them! I'd say Si is more of an instinct than anything else, most of the time -- pairing with Fi to notice what's "right" and "normal" -- but I also actively wield Si, whenever I focus, in any way, shape, or form, on precedent. Using what was done before to help me decide what to do next. This doesn't have to limit creativity; at its best, it shows you what's already been attempted so you can avoid past failures. In my experience, ENFPs who have learned how to put the necessary Si deliberation into their actions, become powerhouses. Dominant Ne can make you guys very scatterbrained to the point of lack of ability to prioritize -- and Si+tert Te are great at focusing that scattered energy without sacrificing its beautiful randomness.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #1983
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    @EJCC

    I definitely notice them! I'd say Si is more of an instinct than anything else, most of the time -- pairing with Fi to notice what's "right" and "normal" Using what was done before to help me decide what to do next. This doesn't have to limit creativity; at its best, it shows you what's already been attempted so you can avoid past failures.

    This is helpful. especially the stuff in bold thanks!

    I just wanted to say I'm Te dom as well...I'm just having a hard time with routine and stuff like that, and Ni is of no use. I'm an entj
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

    Freedom isn't free.
    "Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." ~ Orwell
    I'm that person that embodies pretty much everything that you hate. Might as well get used to it.
    Unapologetically bonding in an uninhibited, propelled manner
    10w12

  4. #1984
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,253

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    @EJCC

    I definitely notice them! I'd say Si is more of an instinct than anything else, most of the time -- pairing with Fi to notice what's "right" and "normal" Using what was done before to help me decide what to do next. This doesn't have to limit creativity; at its best, it shows you what's already been attempted so you can avoid past failures.

    This is helpful. especially the stuff in bold thanks!

    I just wanted to say I'm Te dom as well...I'm just having a hard time with routine and stuff like that, and Ni is of no use. I'm an entj
    Oh, I see. I dunno why I thought you were ENFP.

    Why do you want to develop Si? Wouldn't it be easier to ground yourself by developing Se? I dunno about you but when I think about the other functions besides the top 4, and how I might use them, I realize that 99% of the time, it's actually one of my top 4 functions imitating one of the bottom 4. (e.g. Fi having Ti values and therefore behaving like Ti -- or Te having harmony-related interpersonal goals and therefore acting like Fe for the sake of accomplishing those goals)

    Edit: Sorry, didn't read that carefully. You're wanting to create routine? What's getting in the way of your Te? Te ought to be great at making you do things on a regular basis, right?
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #1985
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,660

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I'm confused about your relationship. All that, and you're indifferent to each other? Did you have a falling-out or something?
    We don't clique is what I mean. We don't like each other nor hate each other. I don't feel the need to be buddies with him, but I do feel the need for smooth relations because of working on things together.

    No falling out (just the few minor conflicts), but his secret girlfriend doesn't like me for reasons I won't expound on much. Suffice to say she's a catty type & is always paranoid. She dumped me off as a friend after she realized she didn't need to watch me (because I had no interest in the ESTJ like she was afraid of). So who knows what she is feeding him regarding me. She's extremely gossipy & emotionally manipulative. This is one more reason I do not care to be close friends with the ESTJ.

    I don't know if "resentment" is the right word. He probably has a hard time understanding how he could seem like a jerk, so many times, and not lose your respect; if he's like me, he probably had this thought process of "If it were me, I'd lose respect for myself after all that -- so how can I trust that OA doesn't feel that same way, and is hiding it from me?"

    Well, if you really think worse of him after all that, your reassurance should probably include that truth. If he's worrying about your opinion of him, it's because he doesn't know your opinion of him -- or he doesn't know how to get back into your good graces. So it would likely be reassuring to him if you had a come-to-Jesus talk with him and told him exactly what he needs to do to get back on track. I think it would stress him out, to have that talk, but if he's like me, he'd work his ass off to make sure he'd take your advice, and he'd thank you for it later.
    Okay thanks for explaining that.

    I respect him still. He is not a bad person & he does a lot of good. We just don't clique, and I like him less & less as these things have happened. We just have very little in common outside of what brings us working together. Even though his gf's behaviors towards me are not his fault (and I believe he is likely 100% unaware of it), the fact that he doesn't see through her at all is disturbing still. I can't trust someone under the influence of someone like her.

    I suppose I could express appreciation for the good things he's done (which I have in the past), but I'm not a butt-kisser & it's hard for me to think of a way that is not contrived. I'm sure some opportunity will come up to say something nice.

    I'll admit that I've gotten that vibe from you, on the forum, too. It's hard to know when you'll seem angry about something. As I said before, part of it is that INFP serious mode is kind of shocking to ESTJs, because it's like looking at our shadow mode -- which scares us and which we try to avoid.
    If I disagree with people, that doesn't mean I am angry. I don't doubt the ESTJ thinks this though... I'm sure he's projected more emotion onto me than there is.

    Anyway, thanks for your input & patience in reading this all. You did clarify quite a few things for me.

    <--- See, I just don't really do that much
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #1986
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    BIRD
    Enneagram
    631 sp
    Posts
    3,222

    Default

    This question was brought up in vent: how does Si typically manifest itself in ESTJs?
    Edit: *realizes that this was just sort of answered*
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
    -Roger Waters

    ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
    ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
    hel: fairies?
    Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?


    Johari Nohari

    https://www.librarything.com/profile/wheelchairdoug

  7. #1987
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    ESI Fi
    Posts
    3,182

    Default

    @EJCC I totally asked myself this and I r correct it's one of my first four functions it's Fi.. Like i guess I don't value routine in that way...I need to fix that. u r awesome thanks u! :-)

  8. #1988
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,253

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    We don't clique is what I mean. We don't like each other nor hate each other. I don't feel the need to be buddies with him, but I do feel the need for smooth relations because of working on things together.
    I guess I was just surprised that you'd met his family, heard some of his deeper secrets(? it sounded like?), met his bitchy girlfriend, etc, when you don't "click" and you only get along for the sake of your job.

    I dunno. I tend to distance myself from people I don't care all that much about. Maybe other ESTJs have different definitions of "distance"...
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Okay thanks for explaining that.

    I respect him still. He is not a bad person & he does a lot of good. We just don't clique, and I like him less & less as these things have happened. We just have very little in common outside of what brings us working together. Even though his gf's behaviors towards me are not his fault (and I believe he is likely 100% unaware of it), the fact that he doesn't see through her at all is disturbing still. I can't trust someone under the influence of someone like her.

    I suppose I could express appreciation for the good things he's done (which I have in the past), but I'm not a butt-kisser & it's hard for me to think of a way that is not contrived. I'm sure some opportunity will come up to say something nice.
    Don't say something nice, just for the sake of being nice; if it feels contrived, don't do it. If I understand the two of you (well enough to answer this), I'm sure he values your directness and honesty -- and just being nice so you can appease him doesn't seem terribly in line with that. Plus, if you just keep on being nice to him without explaining your changing opinion of him -- which he's obviously started to notice -- then he's going to stay worried. So like I said in my earlier post: it would make more sense to tell him the full truth, but with honest reassurance at the end.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    If I disagree with people, that doesn't mean I am angry. I don't doubt the ESTJ thinks this though... I'm sure he's projected more emotion onto me than there is.
    I'm sure he has, too. I tend to project in exactly the same way.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Anyway, thanks for your input & patience in reading this all. You did clarify quite a few things for me.

    <--- See, I just don't really do that much


    Glad to help.
    Quote Originally Posted by wheelchairdoug View Post
    This question was brought up in vent: how does Si typically manifest itself in ESTJs?
    Edit: *realizes that this was just sort of answered*
    Well if you have a more specific variation on the above question, I can answer that instead?
    Quote Originally Posted by Urarienev View Post
    EJCC I totally asked myself this and I r correct it's one of my first four functions it's Fi.. Like i guess I don't value routine in that way...I need to fix that. u r awesome thanks u! :-)
    No problem.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #1989
    Biting Shards Dr Mobius's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sp/sx
    Posts
    795

    Default

    Hello again . I was wondering if you could explain how long term planning works for ESTJ’s? It is easy to find information on how NJ’s plan but there is a lot less on how SJ’s plan. Mainly I’m interested in the foresight part of long term planning how do you go about factoring in the variables and contingences?
    Now, therefore, lead on where you would have us go, and we will follow with right goodwill; you shall not find us fail you in so far as our strength holds out, but no man can do more than in him lies, no matter how willing he may be.


  10. #1990
    Senior Member captain curmudgeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    BIRD
    Enneagram
    631 sp
    Posts
    3,222

    Default

    I know ESTJs are suppsed to get along well with ISFPs...but questions remain. What are your experiences with this type, and, given that S is the only preference shared, how do they not drive you crazy (shoot me, I'm being an optimist here)?
    Jarlaxle: fact checking this thread makes me want to go all INFP on my wrists

    "I'm in competition with myself and I'm losing."
    -Roger Waters

    ReadingRainbows: OMG GUYS
    ReadingRainbows: GUESS WHAT EXISTS FOR ME
    hel: fairies?
    Captain Curmudgeon: existential angst?


    Johari Nohari

    https://www.librarything.com/profile/wheelchairdoug

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Ask an INTJ
    By logan235711 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 870
    Last Post: 05-22-2015, 05:04 AM
  2. [ISFJ] How to ask an ISFJ out?
    By Grungemouse in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 10-08-2009, 07:04 PM
  3. [MBTItm] How do you spot an ESTJ female?
    By INTJMom in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 12-23-2008, 01:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO