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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #1881
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Will reply to old posts soon, now that I've revived the thread, but for now I have a question that is not quite fully formed, that I'll ask here because I'm not sure where else it would go.

    There are people I've met throughout my life, who have tended to switch conversational moods extremely abruptly. They'll be cheerful one moment, jovial, pleasant, in high spirits, and then at the drop of a hat they become as serious as death. (I'm not including abrupt mood switching from cheerfulness to angry venting, because I've seen that in a TON of people, especially Fi users.) It doesn't surprise me when a conversation partner does that to me, but I know that it surprises others, because I tend to do that in conversation, and I've seen others react that way to me. I can't think of particular types that do it, except my own, and possibly ESTPs, since I've seen @Halla74 make post transitions like that on TypeC, and I know that his online self is a good reflection of his real life self. (I haven't met him, but my gut tells me that this is so!)

    Like I said, none of this is fully formed in my head yet; I can barely articulate what it is that I'm observing. All I know is that plenty of people don't communicate like that. For example, I've never seen anyone with Fe dom or aux communicate like that. So I was wondering: is it type-related? What have you folks' observations been, regarding this, of ESTJs and others? Do you have ANY idea what I've been rambling about?
    I don't have an answer but people are so interesting!

  2. #1882
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    More comments:
    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Husband - and I guess more Te/Si users - are happy if they did well, are happy to spend the evening relaxing, they make their decisions and don't look back, confident that they have made the best one, or at least, that trying to change it now will be more trouble than it is worth. So it's useless to look back. I do that all the time, telling myself to do better next time.
    How does that looking back process work? How do you feel while you're doing it?
    I ask because ESTJs do look back on their mistakes, but they're more likely to when they're already upset about something else, and they're re-visiting all their old mistakes at once, making a picture in their head of their general ineptitude. Going through those old mistakes, in that manner, feels like re-living them, for an ESTJ.
    Quote Originally Posted by Craic View Post
    Have you ever lived with any ENTP(s)? I have read that ESTJs and ENTPs living under the same roof is like ideal roomates.
    SD45T-2 is right; I've never lived with an ENTP. The people I've lived with have been INFJ, ISTJ, and INTJ. (If parents count, then I've lived with an INTP -- but that's not the same.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Catzilla View Post
    ...My God, this thread is enormous. Ah...many of my questions have probably been asked before, but I can't bring myself to read all 188 pages.

    I recently made a thread (here) asking whether my boyfriend was ENTJ or ESTJ. Well...after much analysis, it appears that he's most likely NOT an intuitive. Someone actually introduced the idea that he COULD be an ESTP, which is quite a likely option. I've done some research on both types, but it seems that my boyfriend doesn't COMPLETELY fit either one.
    I read your description of your BF before I looked at the thread, and my first though was "Sounds like a well-balanced ESTP, and reminds me of Halla, because he has so much similarity to ESTJs due to health and having an ESTJ dad." So it was a surprise to see that the thread generally agrees with me, and others had made the Halla comparison before me.
    After reading all sorts of descriptions of ESTJs, I keep getting the impression that they're all anal about rules and don't know how to have fun or be spontaneous. My boyfriend just isn't like this at all. He's fun and lively (he has ADHD too), yet isn't irresponsible or flippant or disloyal. Are many ESTJs like this as well? They can't all be like your stiff manager at work, right? And for that matter, surely ALL ESTPs can't be easily bored or irresponsible or uncommitted or hedonistic?
    Exactly. I would argue that your BF is an excellent example of the type of ESTP you described; fun-loving and responsible and loyal, maintaining a perfect balance, though slightly tilted more towards fun than responsibility. ESTJs can be fun and lively too, but usually it comes across differently. I might say that balanced ESTJs appear more mellow and subdued than balanced ESTPs. But I digress! Yes, there are lots of ESTJs like this, and lots of ESTPs like that -- and because they're so well-balanced, they're probably much more likely to be mistyped.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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  3. #1883

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    Quote Originally Posted by Catzilla View Post
    After reading all sorts of descriptions of ESTJs, I keep getting the impression that they're all anal about rules and don't know how to have fun or be spontaneous. My boyfriend just isn't like this at all. He's fun and lively (he has ADHD too), yet isn't irresponsible or flippant or disloyal. Are many ESTJs like this as well? They can't all be like your stiff manager at work, right? And for that matter, surely ALL ESTPs can't be easily bored or irresponsible or uncommitted or hedonistic?
    To tack on a bit to what @EJCC said, my ESTJ husband is very fun and lively, while still being very responsible (he is most definitely a strong J). He can absolutely charm a room and have them rolling with laughter. I think part of why he can be so charismatic is that he is a 6w7 (it fits him to a T), and the 7 wing is very noticeable in him.

    Overview of 6w7: The Buddy

    The traits of the Six and the traits of the Seven reinforce each other. This subtype is more clearly extroverted, more interested in having a good time, more sociable, and, for better or worse, is less intensely focused on either the environment or itself than Sixes with a Five-wing. In this subtype, there is also a dynamic tension between the main type and wing. The Six focuses on commitment, responsibility, and sacrifice of personal pursuits for the sake of security, while the Seven focuses on experience, satisfaction of personal need, and keeping options open. (People of this subtype can sometimes seem like Twos.) They can be affable, supportive, and strongly identified with others. Sixes with a Seven-wing are more eager to be liked and accepted by others than the Six with a Five-wing and are also more hesitant to speak out. The Seven-wing adds sociability, playfulness, and enthusiasm, but the Six component can be uneasy with this, so Sixes with a Seven-wing frequently monitor the reactions of others to see if they are behaving acceptably. Noteworthy examples of this subtype include Jay Leno, Tom Hanks, Johnny Carson, Sally Field, Candice Bergen, Gilda Radner, Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe, Julia Roberts, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Reggie Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Tom Selleck, Ted Kennedy, Andy Rooney, Rush Limbaugh, “Fred Mertz,” “Archie Bunker,” And “the Cowardly Lion.”

    Healthy persons of this subtype desire to feel not only accepted and secure with others, but also happy, particularly with regard to material well-being. They have broad areas of interest and often have one or more hobbies or pastimes. People in this subtype are friendly and sociable, taking neither themselves nor life that seriously, or at least not solemnly. Many Sixes with a Seven-wing are attracted to the performing arts (acting, popular music) or other professions that allow them to combine their energetic, interpersonal qualities with discipline and craft (advertising, marketing, managing, law). They tend to be self-deprecating, and if possible, turn their fears into occasions for reassurance, further bonding with others, or even humor. Healthy Sixes with a Seven-wing are usually extremely playful and funny, since a sense of humor is one of their most salient means of coping with life and its tensions. They are generally more extroverted than the other subtype.

  4. #1884
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    More comments:
    How does that looking back process work? How do you feel while you're doing it?
    I ask because ESTJs do look back on their mistakes, but they're more likely to when they're already upset about something else, and they're re-visiting all their old mistakes at once, making a picture in their head of their general ineptitude. Going through those old mistakes, in that manner, feels like re-living them, for an ESTJ.
    That's quite the way I do it. When I screw up, I'd remember all the previous times I've screwed up and feel worthless. Hubby can't stand me in such a mood, expecially because he doensn't know how to react to it (yeah, Fe...). But that's the worst case, I have the same feeling almost every day in a milder form. I go over my day and tell myself what I should have done better. He tells me to be satisfied with what I have done, while I fret about what I didn't do. I'm terribly afraid of failing him. So when he comes home early, and he tells "there isn't any place to sit down", I feel bad for not cleaning up in time (but of course, he meant it litterally). Never mind I did work in the garden and re-wrote some really good chunks...

    I don't think hubby does anything like it. I thought that was an ESTJ thing. What's done is done, now I'm home from work and I can relax.

    PS. A positive note! I'm so happy that I found the courage yesterday to do the dishes while I was exhausted. Now I've got some energy and I don't have to spend it on dishes!
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
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  5. #1885
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    I've read and thought that planning is for Js and Ps tend to improvise. Now in my life I see a huge exception.
    If it's about something fun, like a party or a science or craft fair, I tend to excessively plan it. I simply enjoy thinking about it and adding more and more activities/decoration/... to it. My husband (the best ESTJ in the world) hates this with a passion. He dreads the extra work and gets stressed whenever I do it. Which leads to me minimizing my plans and carrying them out in secret, so he won't know how much energy I put into it. Which invariably backfires.
    So what do I do for the craft fair next year, where I want to make the most awesome stand ever, instead of a simple table with some books (which hubby thinks I'm going to do)?
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
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  6. #1886
    Senor Membrae Eugene Watson VIII's Avatar
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    ESTJ! how much don't you plan?

  7. #1887
    Row row row your boat SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by minutegovt View Post
    ESTJ! how much don't you plan?
    37.82% on weekdays, 62.94% on weekends.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  8. #1888
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    ESTJs do you feel special being on this forum since your type is so rare here?

  9. #1889
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    I've read and thought that planning is for Js and Ps tend to improvise. Now in my life I see a huge exception.
    If it's about something fun, like a party or a science or craft fair, I tend to excessively plan it. I simply enjoy thinking about it and adding more and more activities/decoration/... to it. My husband (the best ESTJ in the world) hates this with a passion. He dreads the extra work and gets stressed whenever I do it. Which leads to me minimizing my plans and carrying them out in secret, so he won't know how much energy I put into it. Which invariably backfires.
    So what do I do for the craft fair next year, where I want to make the most awesome stand ever, instead of a simple table with some books (which hubby thinks I'm going to do)?
    That's so strange. I would find that incredibly fun! I guess I'm the opposite of your husband in that regard; I love to plan fun things and hate work-related planning. If I'm going to go to the trouble of dealing with all the logistical issues that come with planning something big, then I want there to be some sort of payoff afterwards besides the satisfaction of being done.

    Do you think it worries him because he's not good at it? Has he tried to plan things like that and had them go poorly? I have no idea why he'd get so worried on your behalf whenever you try and set those sorts of things up.
    Quote Originally Posted by minutegovt View Post
    ESTJ! how much don't you plan?
    I plan most of the time. The only times I make a point of not planning, are when I know that it would be more fun not to plan. I tend to leave weekends partially open for this reason; something fun might come up at the last minute. I might get a hankering for something new/random that I can get my friends to do with me.
    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    ESTJs do you feel special being on this forum since your type is so rare here?
    I feel special regardless of my type. :queenie:
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #1890

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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I plan most of the time. The only times I make a point of not planning, are when I know that it would be more fun not to plan. I tend to leave weekends partially open for this reason; something fun might come up at the last minute. I might get a hankering for something new/random that I can get my friends to do with me.
    A friend's mom (I don't know her type) in her very detailed daily plans, blocks out 20 minute chunks to "be spontaneous".

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