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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #1731
    Senior Member Array lauranna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    Not particularly. I don't think I've even done that. My best friend is an ISTJ and most of the rest of my close friends throughout my life have been ISTPs and ESTPs.

    I was great friends with one particular ISTP during junior high and highschool. Then after awhile he started acting dumber and dumber and we drifted apart, although we kept in touch some. Then he did something egregious to me and his family, and I really haven't interacted with him at all since then, nor have I had any desire to.
    So if I get properly out of hand they will ditch me then?

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    Quote Originally Posted by lauranna View Post
    So if I get properly out of hand they will ditch me then?
    Or maybe that would just increase their desire to "fix" you. I really don't know what their mindset is. ESTJs are not plugged into some central consciouness like the Borg. I'm certainly not recommending that you lie, steal, stab them in the back or do anything unethical.

    I can think of 4 current friends of mine who are ISTPs, and I like them just the way the way they are.
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  3. #1733
    Senior Member Array lauranna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    Or maybe that would just increase their desire to "fix" you. I really don't know what their mindset is. ESTJs are not plugged into some central consciouness like the Borg. I'm certainly not recommending that you lie, steal, stab them in the back or do anything unethical.

    I can think of 4 current friends of mine who are ISTPs, and I like them just the way the way they are.
    haha. What is it about ISTPs that attracts you? Because you seem to have collected a few of them.

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    You can't make an istp do anything! It has to be their own idea!

  5. #1735
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    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    If that's the case, I'm a thoroughly non-sexy ESTJ.
    Okay, I'll re-phrase:

    I guess I was technically agreeing with you, because Te-doms exude certainty, pretty much nonstop. And constant certainty means constant confidence that things either are going, or soon will go, a particular way. It means that no matter how confident a Te-dom is feeling, they still look 100% confident to the rest of the world.

    This has been my experience, anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by lauranna View Post
    Hi, I have a question.

    Basically I have been typing all my friends/acquaintances/ex lovers and i am literally surrounded by ESTJs. They all try and control me/often they bug me. And it is always them that initiate/maintain the contact. Is there something about ISTPs that you feel the need to save/control/organise?

    Thanks
    I wonder if some of this is just normal ESTJ behavior, that's being perceived by you as trying to "organize" you or control you because you're an ISTP. What I mean is: if an ESTJ wants to hang out with someone, they will call them. If that person doesn't have an explicit opinion on where and when they should hang out, the ESTJ will handle that too. From my experience, ESTJs (and all other SJs, really, and probably NFJs too) are really great at logistics and even if they don't actively take on that logistical role, they'll end up in it at some point.

    Also, ESTJs have that mindset of "This needs to be done. No one else is doing it. Therefore, I will do it!" So in friendships with Perceivers, I've noticed a tendency in myself -- at least, in the initial stages of friendship, before "getting used to" them -- to take that perceived unreliability and try to make it as reliable as possible. If other ESTJs do that, it could be manifested in trying to "fix" you, handle you, etc. I don't know if I have any ISTP friends irl (b/c I have a friend who self-typed as ISTP but acts VERY INTJ), but with my Perceiver friends, I usually just plan around them. If they do anything that seems particularly out of control, I might ask them about it, but I'm quick to back off if 1) they're stubborn, or 2) they convince me that things will work out. <-- NOTE: I do this to all my friends regardless of type! Hence my comment earlier that maybe it's just because you're ISTP, that you're sensitive to how ESTJs try and do that to people.

    As for why you're surrounded by ISTPs? I think ESTJs find people who are very honest and down-to-earth to be refreshing and fun, and ISTPs are probably the most grounded and least pretentious people ever -- and if the ESTJ is open-minded, then they also probably love how they're balanced out by Perceiving people.

    Let me know if I underestimated the degree of "fixing" they've been trying to do, in this answer, and I'll change my answer accordingly --
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
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  6. #1736
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Okay, I'll re-phrase:

    I guess I was technically agreeing with you, because Te-doms exude certainty, pretty much nonstop. And constant certainty means constant confidence that things either are going, or soon will go, a particular way. It means that no matter how confident a Te-dom is feeling, they still look 100% confident to the rest of the world.

    This has been my experience, anyway.
    This is true!

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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Okay, I'll re-phrase:

    I guess I was technically agreeing with you, because Te-doms exude certainty, pretty much nonstop. And constant certainty means constant confidence that things either are going, or soon will go, a particular way. It means that no matter how confident a Te-dom is feeling, they still look 100% confident to the rest of the world.

    This has been my experience, anyway.
    On that note, are there any good ways to tell when a Te-dom/ESTJ is just looking confident...but not actually feeling confident?
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    On that note, are there any good ways to tell when a Te-dom/ESTJ is just looking confident...but not actually feeling confident?
    Well, sometimes we'll actually say "I'm worried about this" -- but assuming that those aren't the situations you're referring to... Then in my case, if I'm uncertain about something or trying to make myself certain, and I'm talking to someone about the thing I have to do that I'm uncertain about, then I'll reassure myself aloud, with why I'm going to succeed, why my chances of failure are low, the thought process I "went" through (i.e. that I'm probably still going through) that led to my "current" certainty (that I'm hoping desperately will be my future certainty). Usually this method actually does work, and I end up feeling more confident afterwards -- and all that it is, really, is telling myself what I might otherwise ask for, from other people, if I had gone to someone else for reassurance. I don't know about other ESTJs, but sometimes, if I don't want to bother someone with a serious problem, I think "what would they tell me to do?" -- and only if I can't think of what their advice would be (which is only like 15% of the time), do I end up talking to them anyway.

    Another way to tell is if I don't talk about it at all. If I mention it and say "I'm not too worried about it, it's gonna go fine" and don't elaborate, then I'm likely to be truly confident, but if I actively withdraw from the subject -- or from people in general -- then I am definitely not confident, and I am probably on the opposite end of the spectrum, i.e. worried/scared.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #1739
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    Thanks!

    Actually, I think that "what would they tell me to do?" thing is quite a good idea. I mean, sometimes you just really really want to hear it directly...but maybe it's not currently possible or you don't want to bug them, but you're close to them and they have reassured you before so you more or less know what they would say anyway. that can be reassuring in itself.
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  10. #1740
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    What do you want your lips to taste like?
    I dunno. Honestly, if this is an abstract question (as opposed to "what do your lips taste like as a result of the lip balm you use?"), then I'd prefer that it be a pleasant surprise to whoever I'm kissing. So, whichever flavor/taste would get that done, I'd be happy with it.
    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Thanks!

    Actually, I think that "what would they tell me to do?" thing is quite a good idea. I mean, sometimes you just really really want to hear it directly...but maybe it's not currently possible or you don't want to bug them, but you're close to them and they have reassured you before so you more or less know what they would say anyway. that can be reassuring in itself.
    True! And sometimes you know exactly what you have to do, but don't want to do it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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