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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #1521
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malice View Post
    Dear ESTJ
    If you were a parent, what is the honest best you can hope for your son/daughter's future? Because I'm hearing 'happiness', but I refuse to believe it's as go with the flow as that. I want all the nitty gritty details.
    Well, my first instinct is to say that, type-related wishes notwithstanding, it actually is that go with the flow. Like any xxxJ parents, we might tend to want to nag and micromanage, but if we're good parents at all we'll learn to take deep breaths, step back, and let go a little.

    But to be as specific as you would want me to be... Here's what I would want for my kid, if I had a kid:
    - All the basics: Safety, enough food/water, a roof over their head
    - Financial security (they don't have to be rich, or even middle class, as long as they don't have to struggle to have enough for themselves and their own)
    - A job they love, where they can use their strengths and be admired for what they do best -- but if they end up a stay-at-home parent, I'd settle for them having a hobby or volunteer position that they love, because I see hobbies and work as self-expression and I would hate for my child to be denied that
    - A romantic partner who is worthy of them (I don't care where my child is on the Kinsey spectrum as long as they have that)
    - A good relationship with me and my spouse (I grew up being friends with my parents and I want the same for my kid)
    - No mental or physical health problems

    I could go on a while, but I'd get into things specific to me, so I won't bother. I will say, though, that ESTJs generally want their kids to grow up with the same values that they have, frequenting the same institutions that they do, and generally seeming like a chip off the old block. For example, I'd be kind of sad if my kid grew up and decided not to be an Episcopalian, or decided that gay people were sinners, or became too selfish to want to participate in community service. But that all depends on the ESTJ you're talking about.
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  2. #1522
    Boldly Gone Malice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    - A romantic partner who is worthy of them (I don't care where my child is on the Kinsey spectrum as long as they have that)
    can you explain this a bit better? what makes a partner 'worthy' for your potential child?
    a little less conversation, a little more action please
    . captain's blog.

  3. #1523
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    Does diet affect your productivity level? For instance, I ate two Big Macs, a large milkshake and three KitKats for lunch, and I was too tired to work at my best.

    Do you feel/react to the affects of food too, or can you just "ignore" them?
    I mostly react to the effects of LACK of food. If I haven't eaten a satisfying meal (e.g. if I have just a salad or soup) I am distracted and cranky and can't concentrate. Same if I try to, like, study for eight hours straight without eating and my blood sugar tanks. I don't notice mental effects after eating junk food.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  4. #1524
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malice View Post
    can you explain this a bit better? what makes a partner 'worthy' for your potential child?
    I meant -- you know how friends can be, when they disapprove of their friends' girlfriends/boyfriends? "(S)he doesn't deserve you." Same thing. If my kid was dating someone who I thought was not nearly as smart, charming, funny, motivated, charitable, or as good a person in general, as my kid, then I don't think I'd approve of the match. Or at least I'd be like the stereotypical dad (despite being female ) and take them aside and say "My kid is too good for you, so if you hurt her/him, I will hunt you down."
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #1525
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Need help understanding the ESTJ's top four functions? Here is a relevant tutorial -- with helpful illustrations! -- from the Picture Time thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #1526

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    Hello Ms EJCC,

    First, I wanted to say thank you for taking the time to answer all of these estj questions. It is very much appreciated and your insights and perspective are always illuminating!

    I had an ESTJ scenario which I wanted to seek your input on. I am best friends with an ENTP project manager for several years now. We also worked with an ESTJ project manager who became close friends with the ENTP and the two of them spent a lot of time outside of work hanging out together.

    The estj is always superficially nice to me and we had a good working relationship in which the estj said she respected my contributions to the project at various times. The estj and entp both have left our company so I only see them socially now, then entp often and estj rarely.

    The weird part is that when I see the estj it is almost always at an event or get together with the entp. Occasionally the entp would try and get us all three together. When this happens, I pick up a strange vibe from the estj-almost like annoyance or irritation that I am there. She will focus her convo on the entp and not make eye contact with me and will find reasons to leave early?? I have talked with the entp about this, as this is not how the estj behaves when it is just me and her, either in a work or social setting...it seems specific to when the entp is around?

    My initial guess/possible projection was that perhaps the estj was not wanting to share her social time with the entp with another person, perhaps seeking to have a close relationship with the entp, thus I now decline invitations where I feel I may be intruding into their quality time together-does this sound totally off kilter?? Any thoughts would be valauble as I care for both of them and want to make sure I dont have a negative impact on their relationship...

  7. #1527
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    No, that actually sounds about right. Based on my experiences with my ENTP friend, I'm guessing that every time that has happened, with the three of you, the ESTJ didn't find out about it until the last minute because the naive ENTP assumed that the ESTJ would be fine with it. I have several Extroverted friends who have done that to me before and not understood why I was upset by it.

    In theory, as a fellow extrovert, I should have that same attitude -- i.e. "The more, the merrier!" -- and most of the time I do. But I don't feel like that when I'm in a small group where everyone there is a very different closeness level to me. I really hate that, because it means that I have to cater to only part of the group and be either dismissive or awkwardly close with the rest of them. Ideally, in big group situations, it'll be a few close friends and a lot of not-as-close friends, because I can be friendly but distant with the whole group and still cater to almost everyone -- and my close friends would be more understanding about being treated that way by me, because they know me better. But in small-group situations, there's really no way to win. Someone's going to be left out, someone's going to leave having had less fun than the other people there. And that frustrates me, especially since if the "third wheels" hadn't come at all, there wouldn't have been any awkwardness. Everyone could have left having had a good time. And I wouldn't have felt let down, or like I had let someone down.

    Did that make sense? It was a little bit stream-of-consciousness.

    EDIT: I didn't even mention one of the most important things! i.e. the fact that ESTJs just HATE it when things don't go as planned. If the ESTJ had gone through the whole day looking forward to one-on-one time with her ENTP friend, and that gets ruined (from her perspective) by someone else tagging along -- That would be frustrating even if it was another close friend coming along, you know?
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #1528
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    ^^^ YES OMG YES.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    My initial guess/possible projection was that perhaps the estj was not wanting to share her social time with the entp with another person, perhaps seeking to have a close relationship with the entp, thus I now decline invitations where I feel I may be intruding into their quality time together-does this sound totally off kilter?? Any thoughts would be valauble as I care for both of them and want to make sure I dont have a negative impact on their relationship...
    You're not wrong here! I think that the ESTJ might want to become closer friends with the ENTP. Also, like EJCC said, we haaaate when our plans get disrupted. I think ESTJ had her heart set on hanging out with the ENTP alone and was let down that she didn't get to.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  9. #1529

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    Thank you both so much!!

    It is sort of a relief to understand it isnt me, but rather a combination of things, that happen to involve me. I will touch base with the ENTP-I think she tends towards the "more the merrier" approach to social events at times, which she may not understand the full impact of.

  10. #1530
    inside the lines EJCC's Avatar
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    Glad to help! Yeah, it wasn't you at all. It was the ENTP being oblivious and the ESTJ being stuck in her ways. ( I relate so much!)
    Quote Originally Posted by Nørrsken impersonating EJCC
    It's strange. I keep banning morons, but they keep signing up? What is this?
    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

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