I actually relate to his frustration and distrust; I would react similarly, though not as extremely. I freaking HATE being pranked, and if other ESTJs are like me, then they would too, because ESTJs hate being humiliated, they hate being made fun of, they hate losing their dignity -- especially in an obvious way, like that, in front of other people whose respect they want to earn. Even the nice kind of pranking, like being surprised for your birthday, can be frustrating, because it requires people lying to you and tricking you beforehand. It can be hard to let go of the fact that your birthday was ignored and disrespected, even if it only appeared that way.One time, ONE TIME, I played a joke on him. I remotely placed a Mexican song on his computer and set it to play instead of the "click" sound that Internet Explorer makes when starting to load a page. Ever since then, whenever ANYTHING goes wrong on his computer, one of the things out of his mouth is "you're not messing with me and making this happen, right?" Yeah, Doug, I'm really going to make your email repeatedly fail to connect to the server so you can't get your email and bug me all day about it. That's a really funny joke. I tell him that I played ONE joke on him and that I'll never make that mistake again, but each time something happens he always suspects me as one of the possible causes.
Also (and this might not be type-related?), I tend to see people who regularly play pranks as being untrustworthy. It's doing something behind your back, in the hopes of humiliating you in public and then laughing at you -- which is very hurtful! I see them in almost the same light as I see compulsive liars. I don't mean this as an insult to you, because I know a lot of it is irrational, and my problem.
Regarding the part I bolded: I, and probably other ESTJs as well, don't see those two things as being any more or less funny than each other. They both seem, from a sensitive ESTJ perspective, like hijacking and humiliation.
I'm on the ESTJ's side, here. If something's going wrong, someone has to report it, right? The ESTJ is just trying to be a good citizen and a good employee. Frankly, if the boss doesn't listen to the employees when they have complaints, but instead says "I have my opinions and you have yours", that's dictatorial and undemocratic and just not good boss behavior.He used to complain to our boss about things he heard all the time from other people in the company, like how they didn't get their computer fixed right away. He's stopped because our boss never did anything about it and when I'd ask our boss about it, he'd say that he has his own opinions of people and doesn't let other people make that decision for him.
I relate to this to a degree. Obviously he's being ignorant, and not caring that he's ignorant. But I relate to the bolded. It's definitely an ESTJ tendency to supervise things and be very certain that everything is being done the way it should be -- ESPECIALLY if the ESTJ has a personal stake in the matter. And it doesn't help that he distrusts you. If he trusted you, he would go a little easier on you, I think.He's also very controlling. He acts like my boss when he's not. When he hears of a computer problem someone is having, he understandably informs me of it since he knows next to nothing about computers. However, he doesn't just inform me. He proceeds to tell me that I need to help them fix it and to call them right away. He doesn't care what I'm working on at the time. He sometimes settles for me calling them soon, but keeps checking back with me to see if I helped them yet and gets all aggressive and accusatory if I haven't. He says that since he was the point of contact, he is responsible for making sure it gets done, or he'll look bad for my shortcomings. He also dislikes how I sit at my desk all day and do the vast majority of tech support over the phone or remotely connecting to people's computers. I'm sure he believes I should be out and about all over fixing everything in person. Yeah, maybe that wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to manage servers and domain settings and everything else computer-related in the company.
A common Ti vs. Te communication issue. His accusing you of consciously withholding information from you is stupid and paranoid, but the rest is pretty predictable. You, as a Ti dom, were coming from a position where you weren't sure how to give an accurate picture of the situation without explaining in either perfect or near-perfect detail, because all information is potentially relevant. But he, as a Te dom, was expecting you to give him a direct and straightforward answer -- like in Journalism class, where one of the first things you learn is to give the most important information of the story in your first paragraph, and then continue in reverse order of importance. That's Te.Then it just turns into me making defensive statements and him saying I'm not answering his questions and trying to avoid the situation. The most common things he says that I hate are "that didn't answer my question" and "you sound just like a politician." He also always accuses me of giving him little bits of information to his questions and making him fish and fish for more information to get his question answered. I feel like I gave him a perfectly satisfactory answer, but it always confuses him and he accuses me of playing word games with him and trying to avoid answering him.
Here are some relevant posts, relating to that.
Because he was very, very angry. Reading that dialogue was interesting to me, because it confirms how I come across when I'm very angry, i.e. aggressively matter-of-fact. I can almost guarantee that everything about him seeming accusatory was from his anger at the situation -- not his anger at you. Te under stress can turn ExTJs from decent people into armed military vehicles, storming through the city, mowing down everything in their path. The task MUST GET DONE, the thing MUST GET FIXED, and it's too frustrating and all-consuming to give the ExTJ enough energy to maintain their ever-present facade of politeness. And with most ESTJs (not me as much, because I've started catching myself when I think this way), if something goes horribly wrong, it is absolutely not their fault. Obviously the ESTJ is doing everything in their power to fix it, and obviously they are completely in the right, and the world is against them. I remember when I was a kid, whenever I would lose something, my first thought was always that someone stole it. Same kind of thought process.Really? Call Ed? Where the fuck does he get that I'm unwilling to help him? Does he really think I was withholding the answer from him because I wanted to make him upset? Why would I want to waste my time on the phone with him just to do that? Why is his initial assumption that I'm intentionally being difficult?
EDIT: To answer your question, regarding how to get on better terms with him, I would advise that you
1) Try to be as direct with him as he is with you -- not regarding your feelings, but regarding work-related things. (For example, if he says "Why aren't you getting this done now?", just say "I have to do these two things first, but as soon as they're done, I'll deal with it, and I'll get back to you." Directness is the ESTJ's language; it may seem accusatory to you, but for the most part, we're fine with it when we're in your position. I have yet to see an ESTJ who had been made uncomfortable by being relentlessly questioned about something.)
2) Do as best you can about leaving behind any resentment you have towards his control-freakish behavior, and his acting like your boss. I doubt that there's any way that behavior can be changed, except by gradually gaining his trust, and even then it will never entirely go away.
3) Show him through your actions that you always get things done on time, that you are actually a capable and trustworthy employee, and that he never has to worry about you slacking off or causing him any job-related harm. And finally...
4) Apologize for pranking him, and swear to him that you will never do it again. You don't need to take him aside to do this; maybe the next time he accuses you of doing something to his computer, you can fit it in?
I hope that helps a little If not, I'll try again.