Yes. If the options are eitherI paid also attention to the word “neutral”. You once answered Fidelia, I think it was, that you as an ESTJ would prefer if someone was indifferent to you than if they hated you.
This was a clue to me to act what I would call neutral towards my ESTJ especially around work matters. I saw that this suits her well. We are there to get the job done, right?
1. don't hold back what you think, and make her angry, or
2. only talk to her about work and be (in her mind) dedicated and hard-working,
then #2 is the best choice - and the choice you picked!
Mostly here-and-now stuff, like you said. If I do want to talk about theoretical things (and sometimes I do), it's only if I'll gain something from it. Actually, I can get very, very frustrated if I get sucked into a debate with someone only to find that their ideas are based on how they were raised, or something else that I can't really relate to/learn from/etc, and therefore that neither I nor the other person can gain anything from it. Actually, I got into a debate with an INFP and an INTJ the other day and kind of blew up at them afterwards:I also saw that when we are off-duty she can be playful and she can talk about here and now stuff or little stories about something that actually happened in the past (but not too much). My ESTJ doesn’t like to talk, but I think that was because she was brought up on a farm where the family were the only workers, so from little she worked very hard in the fields and there was no time to play or talk. It may not go with the type. According to your posts a while back you like to talk, more especially in discussions with guys. (Sorry if I am getting you wrong here.) So a question for you, what topics do you like to talk about? How do the discussions develop?
ESTJ: Look, this has been interesting and everything, but it's been a waste of an hour of my time. It's three AM, I have a test tomorrow morning, I want to get what little sleep I can, so can we just stop???
INFP: Oh no, I'm sorry. Are you mad?
ESTJ: I - well - I just -there wasn't any point to the argument! Maybe if there had been a point to it -
INTJ (who is a Libertarian): It doesn't need to have a point. I get into political debates with this hardcore Communist back at home all the time, and then we'll just stop in the middle and start where we left off the next time we see each other.
INFP: Same thing with me. It's fun, you know?
ESTJ: But it's NOT fun!
Now, I'm probably different from a lot of ESTJs in this regard - but it seems like a waste in so many ways. You're putting all this personal energy into it, and it's all for nothing. No one's going to be convinced, the two of us will never agree. So frustrating, and so depressing!
But back to the point - I love discussions. I love talking about pros and cons, and likes and dislikes. My dad (INTP) and I have a tradition after watching movies - I don't think he knows it's a tradition, but I call it one - where we say what we enjoyed and didn't enjoy about the film, and then decide how many stars we would give it. We don't argue if we decide on different star ratings (no pointless debating); we respect our differences of opinion. I may have told this story before (?) but there was a time when I watched a movie with friends and started instinctively trying to talk to them about it in this same style. And my friends (INFJ, INTJ) replied: "Why are you being so negative??? Stop insulting it! I enjoyed it." I was like "But - - opinions can be multifaceted!" But needless to say, there was never a discussion. Which is why, even though I'm an adult now, my dad is still my favorite movie-watching buddy, and I'm still on the lookout for more people who think of movies/books/entertainment/etc in the same way.
And as for topics - wow, my answer is long-winded - pretty much anything I'm interested in. Bring up something I know a lot about, and I can go for hours, man! As long as the person I'm talking to is interested.
If she's like me (and she easily could not be... you know, enneagram differences), then it's important to her too.To get back to her, I can also be a bit playful around her and I can talk about here and now stuff at meals and so on, and not too much, in other words fit in with her style. I can do this because it is not difficult. It makes a harmonious atmosphere and that is important to me.
I agree with Tamske's answers, with one addition - very repetitive questions. We ESTJs often don't suffer fools gladly, so if you keep asking the same question over and over again, it can be frustrating. Especially if we are CERTAIN that there are better questions you could be asking, to get to the root of your confusion, but you aren't asking them - and there's nothing we can do, since we don't know why you're confused.Something else happened. In the workshop and in the meeting after the workshop I challenged her more and asked her more questions than usual, which I had not planned, but she did not take it badly. I would have expected her to react.
There is something I am not getting here. Why do I have the impression that in the past when I asked questions I would get withering scorn from her? Is it the kind of question?
How is this for you? If someone questions you about something at work, are there some questions that irritate you, and some that don’t? What would the difference be?
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