I think there's also an element from us of admiration for someone who seems to not need processing time in the same way, who doesn't hesitate to say their opinion, and someone who always seems competant and in charge. People tend to like you guys socially and also look to you for direction. To some extent, the INFJs I know desperately wish they embodied those qualities. You seem like you have it all together.
I'm surprised actually at how many INFJs wind up with ESTJs or ENTJs but then get upset with the dynamic later because they are unsure of what the EXTJ appreciates about them, or they find them insensitive or they need more out loud processing to keep them from growing panicky when the ESTJ goes into their cave to deal with their problems instead of to the INFJ.
I wonder if there is a way around this if both parties have better knowledge of each other and what their needs are. Certainly I've learned that most EXTJ types would prefer me to respond immediately with exactly what I think, rather than filtering through it and waiting for my emotions to settle so I can try to ensure a fair and reasonable perspective. In fact, it seems it would be better to be wrong or unreasonable, but act matter of fact and sure about it than to burden them with upset or analysis after the fact. I'm not sure if this is entirely possible with me (in a romantic relationship context), although in a friendship, I think I probably could learn to make the necessary adjustments to make things go smoother for all parties involved. You've also been helpful in understanding better about the whole venting issue and how to go about it more effectively.
I would have never thought of actually presenting an ESTJ with the possible options for how I could respond to be supportive during difficult times, as sui explained. That's nice to know.