User Tag List

First 2575115123124125126127135175225 Last

Results 1,241 to 1,250 of 2612

Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #1241
    Writing... Tamske's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Posts
    1,764

    Default

    About the blog question: I don't know. So I can only answer this:

    You should decide for yourself.

    Do you have a subject? Because lots of blogs are just about the person's lives and they tend to get boring after a while. But I know some nice political and weather ones (hubby follows them, I don't follow any blogs). The readers will compliment you about your blog, but that's because they like you, they don't necessarily like your writings. And after a while they'll stay away if it doesn't interest them, without telling you why.
    I've learnt that the hard way with my writings. Lots of people say they are awesome, but they haven't a clue what it's about and no editor will buy them, so I know they aren't. Luckily I found some real critics.
    Got questions? Ask an ENTP!
    I'm female. I just can't draw women

  2. #1242
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,158

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tamske View Post
    Do you have a subject? Because lots of blogs are just about the person's lives and they tend to get boring after a while. But I know some nice political and weather ones (hubby follows them, I don't follow any blogs). The readers will compliment you about your blog, but that's because they like you, they don't necessarily like your writings. And after a while they'll stay away if it doesn't interest them, without telling you why.
    I've learnt that the hard way with my writings. Lots of people say they are awesome, but they haven't a clue what it's about and no editor will buy them, so I know they aren't. Luckily I found some real critics.
    Wow, thank you! This post actually kind of took me aback, and I had to think on it for a while before I replied. Way to be an ENTP and tell it like it is! I had forgotten that blogs are 5x more interesting when they aren't like someone's random Facebook posts or tweets. I mean, I know that my being an ESTJ is at least a small point of interest (considering the fact, which I completely forgot to mention, that I'll be starting the blog in the TypeC blog section), but it would definitely help to narrow it down. How's this:

    What the blog will NOT have:
    - Random interpersonal drama and/or emo ramblings (and if they're there, I will keep it to a bare minimum and NOT bitch at length about it)
    - Tiny, Tweet-like observations about pet peeves etc.

    What the blog WILL have:
    - Thought-out posts on things I find interesting in the realms of: Music, things I've been learning in college (i.e. history, politics, etc), and MBTI (obviously)
    - Random factoids (because I love them)
    - If there are things about my life in the blog, I'll try to accentuate what makes them interesting/unique
    - Conversational posts with whoever feels like commenting (which is part of the reason why I'm wanting to have the blog be here; I like the fact that blogs often turn into discussions. I like that the bloggers learn from the readers)

    So... should I narrow it more?

    Actually, I'll make my question more on topic to this thread: What would be the preferred themes in an ESTJ's blog, if you were to read it?


    EDIT:


    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Really? Well, congratulations on that. It's always good to learn how to change things that aren't working for you. It's a valuable skill that many people don't possess.

    I'm sorry, I just assumed that being an SJ, you would take that as a compliment. Besides... I actually have that reputation already just from being strongly J. I do change in subtle ways that people aren't likely to notice... but in general, I still behave the same as I did 5 years ago. Same clothes, same habits, etc. Biggest change for me was that last year, I stopped drinking cola and started drinking water. Oh, and I took a trip to New York. Those are the only two things I can say were outside of my usual pattern of behavior.
    If it makes you feel any better, I would have taken it as a compliment if I were at a different period of my life. I just transferred to a new university all the way across the country from my previous one, I'm living in a different state for the first time since I was too young to remember, etc. etc. etc. Things are happening. But I haven't settled down yet. Once I'm settled, then I'll be proud to be consistent. But at this point, I feel like I'm still growing into myself, and becoming who I will be for the rest of my life.
    Quote Originally Posted by Max View Post
    Defini-

    Oh, wait, that's right, I don't get a say...
    <--- Apology hug for forgetting about you! Of course you get a say!
    And thank you
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #1243
    Saponi Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,834

    Default

    ESTJs, how likely are you to prepare for a possible event? I'll give you an example:

    Your marriage deteriorates to the point where divorce is possible. You're working on repairing it but it's not going very well (and you're at the end of your checklist). You turn your attention to your children and forge stronger bonds with them because you want to have a good relationship with them just in case the marriage is over. Did you do this because you a) see divorce as the most likely outcome and want to get it together or b) just in case?

    From what I understand about ESTJs, I would think that you would forge stronger bonds, make preparations when the petition gets served, not before...sounds like too much advance planning. My ex SJ was much more a 'deal with problems as they come, not before' unless he had a great deal of certainty that something was going to drop soon.

    Thanks!

  4. #1244
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,158

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    ESTJs, how likely are you to prepare for a possible event? I'll give you an example:

    Your marriage deteriorates to the point where divorce is possible. You're working on repairing it but it's not going very well (and you're at the end of your checklist). You turn your attention to your children and forge stronger bonds with them because you want to have a good relationship with them just in case the marriage is over. Did you do this because you a) see divorce as the most likely outcome and want to get it together or b) just in case?

    From what I understand about ESTJs, I would think that you would forge stronger bonds, make preparations when the petition gets served, not before...sounds like too much advance planning. My ex SJ was much more a 'deal with problems as they come, not before' unless he had a great deal of certainty that something was going to drop soon.

    Thanks!
    I relate to how you described your ex - I'm more like that too. In fact, if I were an ESTJ in a deteriorating relationship and I suddenly found myself forging stronger bonds with my kids, it wouldn't be a preparatory action. I would be doing that because I would know that the kids were going through a lot already (considering the marital trouble, which presumably they would have noticed, because kids are perceptive), and I would want to reassure them, let them know that it isn't their fault, that I love them no matter what, that I'll always be there for them, etc. Even if that was, in a sense, preparing for the end, it's mostly dealing with current issues.

    As for your broader question: When faced with a potential event, I have to force myself to prepare for it, because that sort of thing doesn't come naturally to me; I'm more likely to want to put off preparation until later. (To quote Tamske's ESTJ comics: "IRRELEVANT!") But the more serious/likely the potential event is, the easier it will be for me to take the necessary steps to prepare for it. For example, let's say I live in southern Mississippi, and there's a tropical storm approaching - not likely to be terribly destructive to my house, but still worrisome. I'll be hyper-efficient, and almost on autopilot - no need to force myself to do anything. ESTJs are REALLY good in crisis mode! I'll call family members, find out online (or whatever) what the best ways of protecting your house are, stock up on food and/or pack up and leave, etc.
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  5. #1245
    Saponi Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,834

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I relate to how you described your ex - I'm more like that too. In fact, if I were an ESTJ in a deteriorating relationship and I suddenly found myself forging stronger bonds with my kids, it wouldn't be a preparatory action. I would be doing that because I would know that the kids were going through a lot already (considering the marital trouble, which presumably they would have noticed, because kids are perceptive), and I would want to reassure them, let them know that it isn't their fault, that I love them no matter what, that I'll always be there for them, etc. Even if that was, in a sense, preparing for the end, it's mostly dealing with current issues.
    I'm sorry EJCC--I forgot to add that this was his response when I asked him what does he think will happen to his relationship. I thought it was a really (surprisingly) indirect way to answer the question. I wondered why he didn't say "I think we will divorce." or 'No, it won't happen. Things are better now." My ex said if he took this step, he is looking at it being a great possibility at this point. Do you concur? I'm sorry I didn't specify this in the original question.

  6. #1246
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,158

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I'm sorry EJCC--I forgot to add that this was his response when I asked him what does he think will happen to his relationship. I thought it was a really (surprisingly) indirect way to answer the question. I wondered why he didn't say "I think we will divorce." or 'No, it won't happen. Things are better now." My ex said if he took this step, he is looking at it being a great possibility at this point. Do you concur? I'm sorry I didn't specify this in the original question.
    I'm not sure what the bolded means. And do I concur with...? With your surprise that he didn't have a very direct answer? :confused:
    Sorry I'm not getting it...
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  7. #1247
    Saponi Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,834

    Default

    It's me...I'm telling this out of order.

    I asked my ESTJ friend what does he think will happen--is divorce inevitable or no? Instead of giving me a direct answer, he told me how he has taken steps to forge stronger and closer bonds with his kids. He was very pleased that he had done so and said his relationship was better than ever with them. I thought the answer was strange because I didn't ask him that. That led to me speculating--"What kind of an answer was that?" I asked my ex and he replied "He did answer the question." The ex said that the ESTJ is preparing because he thinks it will happen. I wanted to ask your opinion because from what I know of most SJs, they deal with issues as they arise and would be given to prepare for what will "probably happen" versus for what "might happen". Is that how you read this, too? As a 'probably'?

    Kinda ticked with myself for not saying this in the first place (and yes! I heard you mutter, "Why didn't she say this in the first place?" )

    It is sad and strange that both of the ESTJs I know are both facing the possibility of divorce for almost identical reasons. I can empathize with their situations all too well.

  8. #1248
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,158

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I asked my ESTJ friend what does he think will happen--is divorce inevitable or no? Instead of giving me a direct answer, he told me how he has taken steps to forge stronger and closer bonds with his kids. He was very pleased that he had done so and said his relationship was better than ever with them. I thought the answer was strange because I didn't ask him that. That led to me speculating--"What kind of an answer was that?" I asked my ex and he replied "He did answer the question." The ex said that the ESTJ is preparing because he thinks it will happen. I wanted to ask your opinion because from what I know of most SJs, they deal with issues as they arise and would be given to prepare for what will "probably happen" versus for what "might happen". Is that how you read this, too? As a 'probably'?
    After my initial surprise at the ambiguity of the language, I agree with your ex - i.e. he thinks it will happen. Not a "probably", but a "certainly enough to start preparing". If it was a "probably", I doubt that he would be preparing. Like you said before, ESTJs are grounded enough in reality that they probably aren't going to prepare for situations unless they're very likely to occur. So even though there's no way to be certain in a case like that one, I can totally imagine, in my head, your ESTJ friend's response being spoken accompanied by a nod of the head. "Yeah it is, and because of that, I've been spending more time with my kids..." Like he's putting a positive spin on an incredibly negative turn of events.
    (and yes! I heard you mutter, "Why didn't she say this in the first place?" )
    Not at all. But I WAS thinking "Why did she expect me to follow that thought process?" Ah, we linear thinkers...
    It is sad and strange that both of the ESTJs I know are both facing the possibility of divorce for almost identical reasons. I can empathize with their situations all too well.
    That is sad. Was it because they were afraid to open up, or something? (Morbid curiosity, because I wonder if my relationships may someday be doomed for similar reasons to theirs.)
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #1249
    Saponi Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    2,834

    Default

    After my initial surprise at the ambiguity of the language,
    Surprise? I am INTP after all. I'm just kidding. I think I feel a little uncomfortable discussing this because of the emotion involved. I had a dream about this couple and I was convinced that I could save their marriage if they just listened to me. He doesn't 'believe' in MBTI so I was trying to help them but not use MBTI terminology. She was too angry and upset to listen and he was totally disinterested in the topic. I felt helpless and frustrated. Weird dream, I know. Touches too close to home.

    I agree with your ex - i.e. he thinks it will happen. Not a "probably", but a "certainly enough to start preparing". If it was a "probably", I doubt that he would be preparing. Like you said before, ESTJs are grounded enough in reality that they probably aren't going to prepare for situations unless they're very likely to occur. So even though there's no way to be certain in a case like that one, I can totally imagine, in my head, your ESTJ friend's response being spoken accompanied by a nod of the head. "Yeah it is, and because of that, I've been spending more time with my kids..." Like he's putting a positive spin on an incredibly negative turn of events.
    This is what I thought but I wanted to see what you thought, too. Thanks. Damn--it is really a shame.

    Is that what you do, though? Put a positive spin on a negative event? This would explain some things if so.

    That is sad. Was it because they were afraid to open up, or something? (Morbid curiosity, because I wonder if my relationships may someday be doomed for similar reasons to theirs.)
    I can't completely say but I think that it is likely that they are going through this for similar reasons that I am. Many, if not most, people have expectations about what their marriage is supposed to be, what a relationship is about, what they want from their partner...blah, blah, blah. This is almost never, ever discussed--love is "supposed" to make this kind of thing obvious, right? We wish.

    I think for a lot of T-pref, love may be displayed in the form of action. For many women and for some men, they might start to feel like they are taken care of instead of being cared for. For myself, my cousin and my friend, it is a situation where the kind of love we display is not really seen as love but more like just doing our duty. Different types of displays are desired and preferable but resentment develops when these things have to be asked for. For example, he might be told that she really loves flowers. "Why don't you bring me flowers more often? I really love them. I wish you'd buy them for me more often." Next day, the flowers appear. He expects her to be happy--he did what he was asked to do, right? Wrong. She had to say something to him; it wasn't spontaneous, therefore not genuine. She pretends to be happy but is secretly angry that she had to tell him something that is obvious to her. He is upset because he can sense her unhappiness and wonders what the problem is. He did as she asked....

    Or she may be angry about something. Sulks. Pouts. Goes to sleep on the couch. He asks if she's coming to bed. Reply is, "I'm sleeping here tonight." He says, "Okay--goodnight then." She wants him to draw her out..."what's wrong? Will you talk to me, please? I see you're upset." He figures that she wants to talk, then she will do so and he can't do anything until she speaks up. This also feels emotionally manipulative. She interprets this as him not caring about her feelings.

    Multiply this by everyday and in just about every direction and you come to an endpoint.

    I think this can be avoided by careful examination of the expectations each party has and how they will mutually meet them.

    Re-reading this makes things pretty grim but it doesn't have to be.

  10. #1250
    lords of summer EJCC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    173 so/sx
    Posts
    18,158

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    Surprise? I am INTP after all. I'm just kidding. I think I feel a little uncomfortable discussing this because of the emotion involved. I had a dream about this couple and I was convinced that I could save their marriage if they just listened to me. He doesn't 'believe' in MBTI so I was trying to help them but not use MBTI terminology. She was too angry and upset to listen and he was totally disinterested in the topic. I felt helpless and frustrated. Weird dream, I know. Touches too close to home.

    This is what I thought but I wanted to see what you thought, too. Thanks. Damn--it is really a shame.
    yeah.
    Is that what you do, though? Put a positive spin on a negative event? This would explain some things if so.
    It's generally what I do - that is, either a positive spin, or a neutral/matter-of-fact tone, or a battle plan. And it's not really a coping mechanism in itself, for me, as much as it is a brand new outlook resulting from an internal crisis that I probably never shared with anyone - or a matter-of-fact recitation of words I've been using to comfort myself that haven't necessarily worked.

    Here's an example: Last semester I wasn't in any extracurriculars at all, except for my work study. That really frustrated me, for a lot of reasons, and made me feel inadequate compared to friends of mine who were able to join quite a few extracurriculars AND maintain their work study job AND get good grades. It was especially frustrating because I had tried about three different student groups and hated all of them, therefore quitting. I felt horrible and embarrassed and very insecure about it, so I told myself "Firstly, you tried really hard to find a group, so it's not like you're being lazy. And secondly, you're in your first year at a brand new college five times more difficult than your previous one. You're allowed a semester to ease in to it." So after reasonably successfully reassuring myself with that, the next time anyone asked me what extracurriculars I was in, I would tell them "I'm not in any right now, besides my work study, but I figure that I can spend my first semester easing into life at this school, and next semester I'll start looking for groups again." And I'll say that so matter-of-factly that the person will have no idea how much soul-searching went into it (and they'll probably never know). They'll think it was just some logical statement I came up with off the top of my head.

    I can't completely say but I think that it is likely that they are going through this for similar reasons that I am. Many, if not most, people have expectations about what their marriage is supposed to be, what a relationship is about, what they want from their partner...blah, blah, blah. This is almost never, ever discussed--love is "supposed" to make this kind of thing obvious, right? We wish.

    I think for a lot of T-pref, love may be displayed in the form of action. For many women and for some men, they might start to feel like they are taken care of instead of being cared for. For myself, my cousin and my friend, it is a situation where the kind of love we display is not really seen as love but more like just doing our duty. Different types of displays are desired and preferable but resentment develops when these things have to be asked for. For example, he might be told that she really loves flowers. "Why don't you bring me flowers more often? I really love them. I wish you'd buy them for me more often." Next day, the flowers appear. He expects her to be happy--he did what he was asked to do, right? Wrong. She had to say something to him; it wasn't spontaneous, therefore not genuine. She pretends to be happy but is secretly angry that she had to tell him something that is obvious to her. He is upset because he can sense her unhappiness and wonders what the problem is. He did as she asked....

    Or she may be angry about something. Sulks. Pouts. Goes to sleep on the couch. He asks if she's coming to bed. Reply is, "I'm sleeping here tonight." He says, "Okay--goodnight then." She wants him to draw her out..."what's wrong? Will you talk to me, please? I see you're upset." He figures that she wants to talk, then she will do so and he can't do anything until she speaks up. This also feels emotionally manipulative. She interprets this as him not caring about her feelings.

    Multiply this by everyday and in just about every direction and you come to an endpoint.

    I think this can be avoided by careful examination of the expectations each party has and how they will mutually meet them.
    I can't help but be insensitive towards the non-ESTJ side of this conflict, but I just HATE that kind of thing. So many sexist commercials/movies/TV episodes/etc. show that kind of behavior and make it seem typical of women in general. But it ISN'T! It's typical of women who are, in my opinion, FAR too used to the idea that it's okay to not be totally honest with people - to lead them on, to manipulate them, and to think that's "normal". You get that as early as middle school, with girls asking other girls to ask other girls to tell their friends that they REALLY like that one cute guy, instead of just telling the guy up front. No offense meant - but I just can't tolerate that shit. I hate it. I don't understand it, I don't see why it's helpful or necessary. One of my biggest pet peeves is when you ask an angry girl or woman what's wrong, and she says "You know perfectly well what's wrong" and refuses to tell you. God DAMN it, how much more passive-aggressive could you get???

    In short, I'm on the side of your ESTJs, and I can't help but see it as entirely the issue of the women in their relationships.

    Let me tell you, this is making me VERY glad to be a straight girl. Guys are much less likely to do stuff like that. It gives me hope, that I'll have as honest and open a relationship as I would like to have, when I'm in a serious relationship. If that's the typical issue, with ESTJs, then maybe I can avoid that.
    Re-reading this makes things pretty grim but it doesn't have to be.
    True. Speaking of putting a positive spin on things!
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

Quick Reply Quick Reply

  • :bye:
  • :)
  • :hi:
  • :happy2:
  • :smile:
  • :wubbie:
  • :D
  • :hug:
  • :wink:
  • ;)
  • :newwink:
  • :(
  • :cry:
  • :doh:
  • :mad:
  • :dry:
  • :shrug:
  • :blush:
  • :mellow:
  • :unsure:

Similar Threads

  1. [INTJ] Ask an INTJ
    By logan235711 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 870
    Last Post: 05-22-2015, 05:04 AM
  2. [ISFJ] How to ask an ISFJ out?
    By Grungemouse in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 10-08-2009, 07:04 PM
  3. [MBTItm] How do you spot an ESTJ female?
    By INTJMom in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 12-23-2008, 01:27 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO