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Thread: Ask an ESTJ!

  1. #1071
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    This happens to me so many times that it's started to make me question how well I can actually understand someone without using a tool to analyze their thought processes But I think I doubt myself too much in that regard. I have zero faith in my ability to read people.
    I get this! I am working now on trusting my ability to read people, and in general trusting my "hunches". Normally I give them zero credibility, but sometimes they're right. Generally, though, I am prone to snap-judgments about people, which are often wrong.

    For me, it actually depends on whether I accept their authority, or whether I'm willing to help them. Though I've had trouble with that recently, since what once seemed like favors for certain people has started to feel like obnoxious, thankless control freakery.
    Being taken for granted sucks a fat one! And I agree about accepting authority, when it comes to people at work, for example. When it comes to outside of work, I'm much more independent and not looking for anyone to have authority over me. Again, not wanting to boss anyone, but definitely not wanting to be bossed. (Not to say I don't fight URGES to boss other people when they are OBVIOUSLY DOIN IT WRONG AND COULD USE MY HELP. )

    1. Do you have dreams, be they good or bad, and if so, do they ever have kind of a theme, unrelated to events going on in your life? (Discounting any nightmares about wolves or monsters or whatever.)
    I want to hear yours too!
    I dream a LOT about being at camp, being a camp counselor, because I spent some time at camp every summer from ages 8-16, and ALL of my summers at camp from ages 17-19. Apparently my subconscious misses camp. I dream about it once a week or so.
    Other than that, I dream a lot about being in big, old houses with secret passageways that I have to discover. It's almost like crawling into a duct and finding the secret rooms. That's my main recurring dream-theme, and I'd say that I dream that once or twice a month, maybe more.
    Also I dream about flying a lot. I can often fly in my dreams, like it's the most natural talent in the world for a girl to have!
    I am not prone to nightmares, thank god. I *am* prone to having really strange, vivid dreams because of the meds I take for my depression/OCD. It's not a bad side effect, it's kind of fun! Like I'll not realize that the dream wasn't real until something reminds me of it in real life.

    2. I read somewhere on this forum that you're training in library science? What inspired you to go that direction, career-wise?
    Right now, I'm in the application process to study library science. I wanted to start in Spring of 2011, but due to a snafu I won't be able to start until fall of 2011.
    This is actually the result of a several-years-long quest to decide What I'd Like To Do When I Grow Up. Lots of things have sounded good to me, because I've got interests all over the place, but library science is the only one that has continued to sound interesting for a long time. It's been interesting to me for a few years. I like organizing things, keeping order, helping people find what they need, and answering questions. Also, I like working with technology and ensuring that everyone has access to information. Sounds like a good fit for me! I just need to figure out how to say all that in an admissions essay.

    3. Are most of your friends S or N?
    Ns all the way! I have met very few S's IRL. All of my close friends are Ns.

    4. If you can't answer someone honestly, do you not reply at all, or do you lie?
    I rarely lie- I feel guilty and kind of dirty when I do. Usually I try to find the most tactful way of saying what needs to be said, but that's hard because I'm really not good with tact.

    5. We can has an ESTJ girls' sleepover party? We could tell stories, and Q&A each other about type or whatever the hell else, and watch action movies
    I am so there! However, I don't think I'm an action movie fan. Though I could be wrong, and am willing to try.

    6. How awesome is it to be interrogated by a puppy wearing a hat and emo glasses?
    It's real awesome!
    Though for some reason, probably the glasses, that picture reminds me of a real person:

    He's a radio host:
    Ian Punnett - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


    Hmm. Now I want to ask you some more questions, but I need to think of them first. Soon, though.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  2. #1072
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    Before you come up with more questions, I have responses:
    Quote Originally Posted by mnestic View Post
    (Not to say I don't fight URGES to boss other people when they are OBVIOUSLY DOIN IT WRONG AND COULD USE MY HELP. )
    :yim_rolling_on_the_ Frick yes. Yes yes yes. Abso-frickin'-LUTELY. OMG. Yes.
    I want to hear yours too!
    You interpreted the question a bit differently than I intended, but that's cool. In terms of literal themes, I guess I have a lot of anxiety dreams. They aren't bad dreams - I don't wake up discontented - but they're always ridiculous, implausible worst-case scenarios. (I say "implausible" and not "impossible" because I almost never dream about supernatural things - e.g. monsters. I had a nightmare about a wolf once, but even that was plausible.) Some of my dreams are like conspiracy novels or adventure stories, which is always fun, and sort of similar to your house-exploring dreams. But the reason why I was asking was because, when the message of my dreams isn't totally obvious (and it usually is), I feel like I have to spend some time problem-solving and figuring out what it meant. (My Ne coming out to play, I guess.) This is always the case with nightmares, because, even though I have very few of them (maybe one or two a year), they're always the least plausible and the least related to everyday events. Usually my nightmares involve me going crazy. I figured that may have something to do with a fear of losing control? I dunno. (Sorry, TMI, awkward. )
    I like organizing things, keeping order, helping people find what they need, and answering questions. Also, I like working with technology and ensuring that everyone has access to information. Sounds like a good fit for me! I just need to figure out how to say all that in an admissions essay.
    That's kind of how I am, with planning out what I want to do for a living post-College. My goal is to be the go-to person for an important figure. It would be so amazing for someone with power to go up to me and say "You're the only person who can give me the best advice in this context. Help me figure out what to do." I'd be like
    Ns all the way! I have met very few S's IRL. All of my close friends are Ns.
    Same here! All my best friends are NFs, except for one of my BFFs who happens to be ENTP. We confuse the hell out of each other, but it works anyway and it has for almost five years now!
    I rarely lie- I feel guilty and kind of dirty when I do. Usually I try to find the most tactful way of saying what needs to be said, but that's hard because I'm really not good with tact.
    That's how I am, too. Whenever people on this thread ask about how to get ESTJs to open up, and how to get them to actually talk about their problems, I figure that if the ESTJ is healthy, the best choice is to just go up to them and ask them what's wrong. In my case anyways, if someone does that to me, I can't think on my feet quickly enough to avoid the question or come up with a good lie, so I just tell them the truth - or, if I don't know them well, a toned-down version. I don't think an ESTJ would ever say "nothing" when asked what's wrong, if something really was wrong.
    I am so there! However, I don't think I'm an action movie fan. Though I could be wrong, and am willing to try.
    They're fun! I think (or rather, I hope) that you'd like them! We could watch some old-school Jackie Chan, from before his movies started sucking!
    It's real awesome!
    Though for some reason, probably the glasses, that picture reminds me of a real person:
    Definitely the glasses. Great minds think alike!
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  3. #1073
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    You interpreted the question a bit differently than I intended, but that's cool.
    I hadn't even thought of "themes" in the way you meant it, I guess because I don't really have those. I relate to what you're saying about anxiety dreams, and implausible-yet-not-impossible dreams (I don't dream about monsters, either). I guess I'm just inclined to see them as story lines, not themes?


    Usually my nightmares involve me going crazy. I figured that may have something to do with a fear of losing control? I dunno. (Sorry, TMI, awkward. )
    Nah, not TMI.

    I don't think I've ever had a dream about going crazy, that I've remembered, but I've had dreams about committing suicide or losing loved ones.

    I think it's interesting to discuss this stuff, even if I don't always give a lot of credence to dreams. I think that sometimes they've got meaning, but sometimes they're just brain junk looking for a way to escape. Is there a thread anywhere where all of the types discuss their dreams? Would be interesting to see if different types have different/common dreams.

    It would be so amazing for someone with power to go up to me and say "You're the only person who can give me the best advice in this context. Help me figure out what to do." I'd be like
    So, like, HELP US ESTJ, YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE? I like it!

    Same here! All my best friends are NFs, except for one of my BFFs who happens to be ENTP. We confuse the hell out of each other, but it works anyway and it has for almost five years now!
    Interesting! Most of my closest friends have been T's and introverts, aside from my aforementioned INFP BFF. I've accumulated more F-types in the last couple of years, perhaps because I've embraced my own little baby F?

    That's how I am, too. Whenever people on this thread ask about how to get ESTJs to open up, and how to get them to actually talk about their problems, I figure that if the ESTJ is healthy, the best choice is to just go up to them and ask them what's wrong. In my case anyways, if someone does that to me, I can't think on my feet quickly enough to avoid the question or come up with a good lie, so I just tell them the truth - or, if I don't know them well, a toned-down version. I don't think an ESTJ would ever say "nothing" when asked what's wrong, if something really was wrong.
    YESSSS. I have no poker face- I can't hide it if something is wrong (which makes me all when I'm struggling with something and trying to maintain professional composure!) I agree, defintely just ask the ESTJ WTF is up, and give off a vibe of acceptance/non-judgment. (If it's going to involve feelings, I need to know that you're not going to judge me!) I am the same way- I generally tell people what's up, or a watered-down version, but in recent years I've become more comfortable telling people that I don't want to talk about it. (Which, to me, means "I don't want to talk about it with you" )

    Still thinking up questions. I'll let you know.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  4. #1074
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Starting with the questions.

    What were you like as a child? What kind of games did you play? What were you like in high school? (Were you a joiner?) What are you like in college? (Are you a partier?)

    I'm sure there will be more, but that's it for now

    EDIT
    Do you like doing surveys and memes?
    Do you enjoy talking about yourself? Being the center of attention?
    Do you enjoy filling out forms?
    Did you enjoy filling out the bubbles on standardized tests?
    Are you good at acting?
    What kind of books do you like to read?
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  5. #1075
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mnestic View Post
    Starting with the questions.
    Yay!! This is gonna be fun!
    What were you like as a child? What kind of games did you play?
    Here's the long answer (from something I posted a while ago):
    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...ml#post1168123
    What were you like in high school? (Were you a joiner?)
    Personality-wise: The beginning of high school was an awkward time for me, partially because I was phasing from being an ugly, butch middle schooler to being a normal, okay looking teenager, but also because my graduating eighth grade class had twelve kids and my high school class had two hundred and fifty kids. I was a lot more moody (varying between happy Ne to pissed-off Te to wallowing Fi), and I, quite frankly, could not empathize even remotely with people who disagreed with me. But I grew into my own as time went on, stopped being interested in anime and became interested in current events and history, and became a nice, smart kid (hopefully?) instead of a moody, geeky bitch. Besides that, I think I was pretty similar to how I am now.

    Academically: I was a joiner, yeah. I wasn't the type of joiner/leader that my parents sometimes pressured me to be - esp. my dad, who wanted me to be the type of leader who creates clubs instead of joining them and taking a big role (and I resented his comments about that) - but I nonetheless did a lot. I did Model United Nations, and a current events team competition (that I did very, very well in - my team made it to nationals one year), plus band and percussion ensemble for all four years. The general trend with me was that I would join whatever sounded interesting and/or fun. It worked out well.
    What are you like in college? (Are you a partier?)
    Could you be a little more specific? :confused: Kind of a broad question...

    But I'm not a partier. I drink on occasion (it helps me relax, and I think that a drink or half a drink (but NO MORE) can make me more fun to be around), but that's really it. My social events are usually of the sort where you can hear yourself (and other people) talk, without having to yell. I just chatting, you know? I don't want to give it up for the sake of alcohol...
    Do you like doing surveys and memes?
    Surveys are the bestest things ever. And I like a lot of memes (e.g. pretty much anything on the cheezburger network). But some of them I just don't get - e.g. "pedobear" and "advice dog".
    Do you enjoy talking about yourself? Being the center of attention?
    Depends on what I'm talking about, that gives me the attention. If it's a funny story that I'm telling, and if most people are responding the right way, then I absolutely LOVE being the center of attention. Otherwise, not so much.
    Do you enjoy filling out forms?
    YES. Why else would I create a thread like this? It's pretty much the same thing, except I'm also giving people advice (which I love to do) and helping people (which I love to do)!
    Did you enjoy filling out the bubbles on standardized tests?
    Eh, I guess. I like fill-in-the-blanks better.
    Are you good at acting?
    Yes. But when I try to actually put emotion into acting, I feel so... exposed. It's almost embarrassing for me. Which is why I'm not an actor, and why I don't do community theater. Also, I get the feeling that I'm a good enough actor that, if I wrote out an internal script for myself (since I can't improvise worth crap), I could tell very convincing lies about very serious things. But I would feel so guilty about it afterwards, if I did. So I haven't, I don't, and I probably won't.
    What kind of books do you like to read?
    History, adventure, sci-fi, humor, true crime, biographies... As long as the book isn't boring, obtuse, or pretentious, I'm okay with it, for the most part.

    I've got a question: If you're like me, then it takes a whole lot to make you angry enough to actually lash out verbally, instead of just getting really annoyed and testy with them. What does it take?
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #1076
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    If you're like me, then it takes a whole lot to make you angry enough to actually lash out verbally, instead of just getting really annoyed and testy with them. What does it take?
    Unfortunately, I've got an answer for this! (I'm in a roommate... situation.)

    For me, it's generally a last-straw sort of situation. It is more likely to happen when I'm feeling overwhelmed. For example, I'm struggling with something completely separate in my personal life, and the person I'm angry at hasn't changed their behavior despite my asking politely several times. Or when a person shows obvious disregard for keeping peace or being respectful, THAT makes me angry. Talking about the same thing over and over again with nothing changing can put me over the edge as well. I think the common thread is when I'm feeling futility in addition to frustration.

    I'm not sure if you'll identify with these but they're the first things that come to mind.
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  7. #1077
    Senior Member Coco's Avatar
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    Do you think that ENFPs are the most annoying things that have ever existed (even more than mosquitos)?

    i have yet to meet a estj that can support me haha

  8. #1078
    [bento boxed] EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mnestic View Post
    Unfortunately, I've got an answer for this! (I'm in a roommate... situation.)
    Uh-oh! DUN DUN DUNNNNN. *makes dramatic prairie dog face* <-- I laugh because I sympathize. I had a roommate situation last year too. Her boyfriend... wouldn't... leave. EVER.
    For me, it's generally a last-straw sort of situation. It is more likely to happen when I'm feeling overwhelmed. For example, I'm struggling with something completely separate in my personal life, and the person I'm angry at hasn't changed their behavior despite my asking politely several times. Or when a person shows obvious disregard for keeping peace or being respectful, THAT makes me angry. Talking about the same thing over and over again with nothing changing can put me over the edge as well. I think the common thread is when I'm feeling futility in addition to frustration.

    I'm not sure if you'll identify with these but they're the first things that come to mind.
    I definitely identify! The only things I don't identify with are little things, like the word choice of "futility". But for me, it's just like you said - always a result of a build-up of many factors, and often a result of someone doing the same thing over and over and me getting sick of it. Definitely a last-ditch, purely extraverted thinking type of thing. My lashing out is always completely honest, and generally not an exaggeration.


    Quote Originally Posted by Coco View Post
    Do you think that ENFPs are the most annoying things that have ever existed (even more than mosquitos)?

    i have yet to meet a estj that can support me haha
    I don't think I can judge fairly, because I've never met an ENFP irl, except for my boss, and I don't know her that well. She's nice and I like her - even though she can't keep her life in order at all!! I'm her personal organizer, and JESUS CHRIST. I found UNOPENED billing envelopes from 2004 at the bottom of huge stacks of paperwork in her office!!!

    But that's besides the point. What matters is that she's a great person, based on my knowledge of her
    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"

    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
    conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  9. #1079
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coco View Post
    Do you think that ENFPs are the most annoying things that have ever existed (even more than mosquitos)?

    i have yet to meet a estj that can support me haha
    Nah, I think they're a lot of fun! I recently dated one, and that wasn't meant to be (we speak different languages due to T/F business) but we're great friends! I don't always get where they're coming from, but I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
    Last edited by sui generis; 08-21-2010 at 01:39 AM. Reason: add moar
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

  10. #1080
    don't fence me in sui generis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    I had a roommate situation last year too. Her boyfriend... wouldn't... leave. EVER.
    I hate that! It's like you've got another roommate that you didn't sign up for!

    And how the hell did I forget about the dramatic prairie dog? That's totally what my life is like right now.



    Definitely a last-ditch, purely extraverted thinking type of thing. My lashing out is always completely honest, and generally not an exaggeration.
    YES. There's not even a little bit of exaggeration going on at those moments. It takes a lot to get me to that point, but when I get there, it's like blowing the top off a can of temper. Like suddenly all of my controls are off for a minute or so, and I LOVE my controls!
    Murphy Brown: What is it with us? Why can't we take the easy road once in awhile?
    Avery Brown: Because it's boring and dishonest and uncomfortable, like wearing a pair of shoes all day that pinch your feet.

    approx 55% ES, 90% TJ

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