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[SJ] Would this freak you out?

Ivy

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My daughter is 9 and has a gmail account. I have it set up so that all her mail comes to my inbox too, so I can keep an eye on things (she knows this and it was one of the conditions of her getting her own email account). Apparently, her cousin, a boy who just turned 8, asked her to ghostwrite his novel (LOL). So she is. This is the first chapter.

My Suicide-ish Life

Every day I dream of punching small animals. I`m serious. But that`s not all to my terrible "I wish that I could commit suicide" life. I have tried to kill myself a few times. But just about no one knows that because I was trying (and apparently succeeded) to make it look like I was skydiving. You see, it`s the fact that I want to commit suicide that makes me a "somebody." I just can`t seem to fit in with anybody else any other way. I have no friends, no family. I`m just a lonely, fourteen year old guy - with no girlfriend - who wants to commit suicide. Yup. That`s me.

You see, the other fact about me is that I am clearly invisible and inaudible. Not physically, but a sort of person who doesn't stand out.

My cousin, for example, is a kind of kid who stands out because he is dorky, weird, and under-weight. He stands out, at least.

But I am not like that. I am one of those guys who is basically a snail.

I don't want to make a big deal out of it since it really seems like they're being creative and making a character, not crying out for help or anything. But part of me just can't shake being freaked out that an 8 and a 9 year old are writing about suicide. Would this freak you out?
 

Jeremy

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It's kind of scary that 8 and 9 year olds have to think about things like that..
 

Ivy

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Nobody we know has committed suicide or anything. Kids just think about everything. And I think sometimes they do stuff like this to tame it, make it not so scary. The skydiving thing makes it sound like they want to make it funny.
 

Totenkindly

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I don't know how I would feel, Ivy.

I think it could be part of growing-up angst and not feeling like one fits in, and your daughter seems very articulate (which usually means she can think more deeply, so chances are more likely she'll veer into "meaning of life" stuff), but more freaky is just that she's writing about her cousin -- i.e., taking his ideas and finishing them for him. So I hope this does not reflect his own feelings about himself in the sense that he'll want to do something harmful to himself.

I guess if my kids wrote stuff like this, I would have "friendly" talks about it simply to gauge what they're actually feeling and why... no panic, but low-key follow-up so that they would feel comfortable enough to talk to me and I could better gauge the danger. I don't want my kids to be scared to have feelings like this, I would want them to know they are just feelings and that they can explore them and try to understand them without thinking they mean they should lead to [negative] action.
 

Domino

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Ivy -- sometimes kids just say and do these things and there's no greater meaning. However, I'd feel it VERY necessary to sit down with her and ask her what she thinks these things she's writing really MEAN. Like what is her concept of suicide? What does she really think of people who are lonely or deeply sad? And then I'd show her what it really means to die at your own hand, what it does to the living who remain, what despair is, what isolation truly means. Perhaps she lacks reality about it?
 

MacGuffin

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I`m just a lonely, fourteen year old guy - with no girlfriend - who wants to commit suicide. Yup. That`s me.
LOL, has she been reading INTPc?

I think there is reason to be a bit concerned, but I'd rather monitor than interfere.

She might just be a writer, and writers have to be free to explore ideas, even the dark ones. But then again, I'm just a permissive INTP.
 

Siúil a Rúin

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I can see value in encouraging them to talk about their thought processes in writing this fiction. How did they come up with the character? Where is the story going, etc. What made them think of these things?

Young people do tend to exaggerate in their creative processes. It can be part of a developmental process. Overstatement is somewhat common I think, even through the teen years. The same reason kids/teens dress, write, listen to music, that are all based on extremes has to do with coming to terms with self and communicating emotions.

The key point though is that ideas don't come out of a vacuum. They are synthesized from something, so I would just encourage them to talk about how they are generating the ideas.
 

Saslou

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Wow .. that would raise a few questions. I wouldn't jump to any conclusions though, not just yet.

So if you was to type your daughter, what would your guess be?
Does she suffer from low self-esteem?, Is she being bullied? etc etc

If she is an intellectual then ask a few 'thinking' questions followed by the final 'feelings' question. Is this just a story or do you feel like this?
 

Polaris

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I would be thrilled to discover a nine year old writing about suicide. It's quite precocious, and it shows that she's in touch with the bleak side of things, which is something I always value in people. While I would certainly want to discuss suicide with her, I would also praise her for turning to that mode of expression and encourage her to continue.
 

jenocyde

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I wrote all kinds of stuff like that at that age. And also really sexual things complete with diagrams about what I thought stuff looked like. It meant nothing. I was a super curious child who would hear a word and obsess about its meaning for weeks. I would be down at the public library on a daily basis reading things like the anarchist cookbook, or the story of O. And yes, I was 8. I never had any desire to do any of these things, I just wanted to know what they were and I wrote a lot about things like this to let my imagination wander. Now with the internet, kids are so much more sophisticated and can find out so many more things than I could even imagine back then.

I wouldn't be too worried about it and I would just keep a close eye on the both of them for the next few weeks to see any changes in behavior. If all systems are go, no talk should be needed. Unless you are that kind of parent and she is that kind of child. (my mom wasn't and I wasn't...)
 

Ivy

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My daughter is probably an ENFP or ENFJ, if I had to guess, and she doesn't seem to have problems with self-esteem or anything of that nature. She has a boy at school that picks on her but she's very open about it and we talk about it a lot (and I've already made sure they won't be together next year). She's really a lark, for the most part, though a deep thinker and feeler. But I don't get the impression this came from any angsty place for her.

I was honestly more worried about my nephew than my daughter when I read this. Just to be clear, he's about as sweet a kid as you'll ever meet and would never harm anyone or anything. He's probably ESFP and a bit of a thrill seeker, hence the skydiving motif. I forwarded the email to my sister in law.
 

jenocyde

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They say it's too soon to tell T vs F before the age of 12/13 (puberty).
 

heart

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I don't want to make a big deal out of it since it really seems like they're being creative and making a character, not crying out for help or anything. But part of me just can't shake being freaked out that an 8 and a 9 year old are writing about suicide. Would this freak you out?

Not in this world. All the suicide shootings and things like that have it in the general culture and even if parents sheild their own children from TV, other children will talk about it.
 

Ivy

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They say it's too soon to tell T vs F before the age of 12/13 (puberty).

Yeah, you're probably right, but I'd be super-surprised if either of these kids turn out to be Ts.
 

Ivy

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I wrote all kinds of stuff like that at that age. And also really sexual things complete with diagrams about what I thought stuff looked like. It meant nothing. I was a super curious child who would hear a word and obsess about its meaning for weeks. I would be down at the public library on a daily basis reading things like the anarchist cookbook, or the story of O. And yes, I was 8. I never had any desire to do any of these things, I just wanted to know what they were and I wrote a lot about things like this to let my imagination wander. Now with the internet, kids are so much more sophisticated and can find out so many more things than I could even imagine back then.

I wouldn't be too worried about it and I would just keep a close eye on the both of them for the next few weeks to see any changes in behavior. If all systems are go, no talk should be needed. Unless you are that kind of parent and she is that kind of child. (my mom wasn't and I wasn't...)

This is how I lean with my daughter. She's intensely curious and nothing is really off-limits to her, in her mind. A couple of weeks ago she got very interested in learning everything she could about anorexia and bulimia, which she had just found out about in her American Girl "Care and Keeping of Me" book. She asked questions of me and her dad and asked if it was okay if she Googled it. I am pretty sure she is just trying to get her mind around it. I don't think she would be talking to us about it if it were something she was struggling with internally.
 

Haphazard

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I wrote all sorts of crazy shit when I was about ten, so I don't think this is really such a big deal. Kids write about what they see around them, and kids of a certain bend like to write what they see as 'edgy.' Now, if there are a lot of other signs that point to worrisome things, then perhaps it should be of your concern, but some writing like this? No. In fact, she'd probably just either be discouraged from writing or try to hide it from you.

In a few years, she'll probably look back and see how silly her attempt at writing suicide looked, and by then be writing suicide more accurately.:newwink:
 

Kasper

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I agree with the suggestions that it would be an ideal time to sit down with her and see what she thinks about the topic and have the same done with your nephew, while I’d support the creative writing it would concern me.
 

Atomic Fiend

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I wrote things like that for the sole purpose of freaking out my mom when I was younger.

Of course now I realize that this isn't something to be proud of.
 

Dwigie

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You know what. You never know. Keep an eye on her.
Let me tell you a story that ended badly. This kid I knew, he would always joke about these stuff with me. "haha, I'll kill myself if all fails". I didn't take him seriously. Afterwards he said he was really going to do it but he was giggling all the while. Just see if it keeps popping up.
Because in his case the joke was on me. He shot himself a year ago. He had been joking about this since we were 10 years old, he was 20 when he died.
:(
 
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