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Thread: ESFJ gone wrong

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    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    Default ESFJ gone wrong

    There is an ESFJ I have recently met,and I've never met a more emotionally unstable person in my life. She is a creature purely of instinct, following her heart wherever it may take her, whenever it may be. Allow me to demonstrate the case in point:

    This particular ESFJ has a long history of cheating in relationships. I can only deduce that she attempts to fill the gaps in her idealized man with every subsequent male partner. Her recent targets have been the, "nice guys," (perhaps "F" males), which are the only types I believe can tolerate her. Once she knows they accept her for who she is, she irrationally directs all her negative energy at that person. It seems randomly, the unprovoked argumentation she incites vaporizes into thin air and she becomes the world's cutest, most harmonized individual. She believes all people are innately stupid until proven otherwise, that children are the wretch of the world, and that the world owes her some due respect regardless of all said negativity.

    Tell me ESFJs, is this normal for your type? I imagine not. But I'd like to hear your input anyways.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

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    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    My sister is an ESFJ and if it wasn't for all the N influence around her, she would succumb to the same things no doubt.

    With my sister I have the feeling that N influence, that they respect, is important to keep them on track. An ESFJ can never truely be self sufficient.

    (I base this entirely on my sister, by the way. We've often had to hammer in morals and values to her. :P)
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    My sister is an ESFJ and if it wasn't for all the N influence around her, she would succumb to the same things no doubt.
    Is there difficulty in dialogue when the subject matter pertains to her decision-making? When do you find she is most susceptible to listening?

    An ESFJ can never truly be self sufficient.
    Now this I can concur with regarding all the ESFJs I personally know. There always needs to be someone there, either as a guide or as a lost tourist. These roles are also interchangeable with the ESFJ himself/herself.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

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    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    I think that Fe-dom can't be self sufficient by definition.
    Especially if they don't have rich inner world which usually comes with N.

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    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    Is there difficulty in dialogue when the subject matter pertains to her decision-making? When do you find she is most susceptible to listening?
    Well, she grew up with heavy N influence so it just grew overtime and she learned to respect and accept our advice without any trouble. But during her puberty she had hit her head against the figurative pole a few times.

    Mainly though, she's happy with who she is, while respecting the people around her. And although she is often a source of many jokes, we're also very leveled and down to earth to her when anything serious goes on and she knows she can counts on us for guidance when she needs it.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Chameleon View Post
    There is an ESFJ I have recently met,and I've never met a more emotionally unstable person in my life. She is a creature purely of instinct, following her heart wherever it may take her, whenever it may be. Allow me to demonstrate the case in point:

    This particular ESFJ has a long history of cheating in relationships. I can only deduce that she attempts to fill the gaps in her idealized man with every subsequent male partner. Her recent targets have been the, "nice guys," (perhaps "F" males), which are the only types I believe can tolerate her. Once she knows they accept her for who she is, she irrationally directs all her negative energy at that person. It seems randomly, the unprovoked argumentation she incites vaporizes into thin air and she becomes the world's cutest, most harmonized individual. She believes all people are innately stupid until proven otherwise, that children are the wretch of the world, and that the world owes her some due respect regardless of all said negativity.

    Tell me ESFJs, is this normal for your type? I imagine not. But I'd like to hear your input anyways.
    Wooooo .. Now that is some extreme shit going on there. I admit i am currently emotionally unstable but i have just lost everything and still have moments of wow, what the fuck just happened there. I like harmony though and will try my hardest to get it, even if it means sticking my head in the sand. Most of the time i do go on instinct, what do you have to lose. I am able to rationalise my feelings though (some of the time). I would never cheat on anybody, i couldn't hurt another person. I am for the most part a positive person but i do find being around negative people or energy vampires can really bring me down. I know there are a lot of smart people in the world and i can benefit from them if i keep an open mind. Children are great, some have amazing souls. Respect, well you have to earn that one from the world and individuals.


    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    My sister is an ESFJ and if it wasn't for all the N influence around her, she would succumb to the same things no doubt.

    With my sister I have the feeling that N influence, that they respect, is important to keep them on track. An ESFJ can never truely be self sufficient.

    (I base this entirely on my sister, by the way. We've often had to hammer in morals and values to her. :P)
    Now i did find that being around an NT did benefit me as although i do feelings, i can rationalise and he helped me with that.

    Self sufficient .. Hmmm, maybe me being a parent at a young age grounded me. I enjoy being on my own. I don't ask for help although did recently. I made my bed so i have to lie in it.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    I don't dismiss the possibility of developping the ability of being independent as a causility of a conscious choice out of the feeling of neccesity.

    But I do think it's not a natural typical ESFJ trait.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  8. #8
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Did she actually test as an ESFJ? Of course any type can display extreme behaviors like that, but ESFJs are some of the most socially responsible people of all the types. As generalizations about types go, I think they feel more beholden to stay within the social boundaries agreed upon as fair by everyone.

    I'm sorry to hear about it at any rate.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  9. #9
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I think they feel more beholden to stay within the social boundaries agreed upon as fair by everyone.
    Ohhhh, i am not sure.I am going to say staying within social boundaries about 60-70% but pushing bloody hard to lower that number.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #10
    Senior Member The Grand Chameleon's Avatar
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    Wooooo .. Now that is some extreme shit going on there. I admit i am currently emotionally unstable but i have just lost everything and still have moments of wow, what the fuck just happened there. I like harmony though and will try my hardest to get it, even if it means sticking my head in the sand. Most of the time i do go on instinct, what do you have to lose. I am able to rationalise my feelings though (some of the time). I would never cheat on anybody, i couldn't hurt another person. I am for the most part a positive person but i do find being around negative people or energy vampires can really bring me down. I know there are a lot of smart people in the world and i can benefit from them if i keep an open mind. Children are great, some have amazing souls. Respect, well you have to earn that one from the world and individuals.
    Now this is what I'd like to think an ESFJ is truly like. Or a decent human being, for that matter. Good for you, saslou.

    Did she actually test as an ESFJ? Of course any type can display extreme behaviors like that, but ESFJs are some of the most socially responsible people of all the types. As generalizations about types go, I think they feel more beholden to stay within the social boundaries agreed upon as fair by everyone.

    I'm sorry to hear about it at any rate.
    She did test as an ESFJ, but she made it a very clear point she wanted to be unique. Perhaps her erratic, nonconformist behavior is testament to that? I remain unsure in that field.

    I too, am sorry. I am mixed between genuine sorrow and "shake-your-head" pity. The situations she gets herself in are so easily remediable, but without tact and self-reflection she will forever be in this rut.
    "In the game of chess, you can never let your opponent see your pieces."

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