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  1. #1
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Default SJs with NT parents

    Hello!
    I have a question for you SJs. Did any of you have NT parents? and if so what sort of relationship did you have with them?
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    My mom is an INTJ. She is one of my best friends, and I hers. Why?
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

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    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    Because a lot of NTs here, including myself, seem to have SJ parents with whom they have had a lot of conflict and problems so i was interested to see if SJs had problems with NTs as parents.
    I'm intrested in the difference as often the difficulties between NT kids and SJ parents come from the SJs reliance and NTs distrust of authority. So NTs rebel causing their SJ parents grief.
    I figured in reversed positions their may be a problem a lack of authority or tradition annoying the SJ. Then again it could make the SJ more open to new things and new ideas making them healthier.
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  4. #4
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Well, I do credit both my parents, but especially my mom, with cultivating a strong love of books and learning in me. I am very grateful for that. Sometimes I do wish she had been more focused on steering us like other moms do, specifically in the romantic area. She doesn't care much about girly type things and I need all the help I can get in that area, being an ISTJ. I already look, think, and talk a bit too much like a guy and it would have been nice if she had done more along those lines when I was young.

    Probably clear as mud, I know! Anyway, I admit to being a nerd in my personality and having a nerd for a mom doesn't help... other than that she's really cool, though.
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  5. #5
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    My father is INTJ. We're both computer geeks, so we connect on that easily. He's always telling me ways I can do something better, so it makes me feel like the things I do aren't ever good enough. Having him growing up helped me a lot to not be closed minded toward N type things because his level of abstraction kind of became my norm, and then as I got further into computer geekdom, I just got used to dealing with NTs.

    Like for instance, he was helping me make a spreadsheet once, and we got most of it done, but then he started going on about how to visually modify it so that it was aesthetically pleasing. I asked him why, and he said I could at least get into the habit of doing it now so that in the future if I make a spreadsheet for someone else, it's versatile and not only understandable by me. I tried asking him, "But, if I just need it to do certain things, why do I need to worry if it looks pretty?"

    He was telling me about some redundancy mistakes people made in a news article last night. I told him, "Ok, that's such a stupid thing to comment out loud about, can't you keep it to yourself? It's so stupid to even warrant spending your time thinking that much about." Apparently I got to him, because then a few minutes later, he asked me if someone else was worth commenting about.


  6. #6
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    My dad is ENTJ, and we constantly get into fights (arguments). He loves to tell me what to do and he thinks he can do it, but I'm not having it, I usually do what I want to do, so I argue back. Also, he loves to lecture me, and argue with me, but I'm always trying to have the last word haha, and so we're both trying to speak over each other, and it ends up as constant yelling. My INFJ mom gets frustrated by this, but I tell her to not take it so seriously. Because my dad takes EVERYTHING seriously. He can't take a joke, and if he sees I'm having fun or something, he'll ask me what the hell I'm doing.

    Also, what I don't like is that my parents, mainly my dad, have super high expectations for me. I do better when my expectations are lower. If I do something well, I like to be appreciated for it yet I don't get any recognition from my dad. My mom gets in arguments with my dad too, we're a dysfunctional family altogether although I will say I get along a lot better with my mom. I think this is because she's not as demanding, and she just encourages me in a nice way to do things, which I prefer.

    And on top of all that, my dad complains about me to my mom because of who knows why, and my mom then gets angry at me, telling me I should do what my dad wants, but I don't want to do that because he works me too hard.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    In the 7 years i was with my husband, INTJ, my son ISTJ never once got into an arguement with him. There seemed to be a mutual respect between them. Cool.

    I think my father is an INTx (possibly P) .. Pfft. Apparantly i was daddy's little girl. When my parenst divorced, i was the one to take it bad and rebelled big time during my teenage years. We only saw my father at the weekend and that was spent in front of the TV whilst he did improvements to the house. We did occasionally go on holidays with him which was cool. He lacked emotion which i couldn't understand.

    On one occasion he came to my mums house and i told him straight out "you don't love us". He cried and so did me and my brother. I must of been around 10 or 11 yrs old and that was the first time i had seen him emotional.

    My father only used to see me 4 times a year to drop off birthday or xmas cards. It wasn't until i returned from Canada that he got intouch and we went for a drive and a chat. I respect his honesty but he thought i might try to commit suicide as my marriage had just ended along with my new life in Canada. We sat and talked for about 2 hours. For the first time ever, he opened up and let me into his world. He cried and told me he never told his parents (his father recently passed away) about me having children at 16 and 18 as he was ashamed of me. *sigh*. He told me so such personal stuff and to be honest although we went out a week later for a drink and he brought pictures of me as a little girl. I was kind of disappointed, turns out he is just a human being afterall. Who had very high expectations for me.

    Since i moved into my new place 3 weeks ago i have seen him 3 times. I actually saw him laughing (scared the shite out of me seriously, i was amazed) last time he was here. I now know not to do emotional stuff with him. So he has helped me by taking Canadian DVD's and converting them for UK DVD players. I am taking my driving test next month and he has offered (more insisted) that he comes and helps me pick a car and he has also been looking at my son's Xbox 360 as the kid wants to do the internet thing on it. My father now emails me all these technological stuff that i may or may not need. *again sigh*. I am just grateful and say thanks.

    It is not the relationship i had wanted but we don't get perfection in life so i am grateful for what i do have with him.

    Lmao .. i saw him a few days ago, he thinks i should work for his company 'severn trent water', but they are only offering jobs in Coventry. I told him i was looking at going into a caring role. He said 'you have to have patience for that', very monotone. Said just like a statement. I just laughed in my head.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  8. #8
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Wow Saslou, my father my whole life was very detached and unemotional unless he was angry. I was really surprised about the feeling of disappointed when you started to see his human side. I guess that would be a big shock for me too.

    Now I have to wonder if my dad was S or N. He was very extroverted around people, but I believe he was really introverted. He just had a good way of hiding it. Actually I don't even know my dad well enough to say who he is.

    My mom is Infj, I know the thread is about NT so I didn't reply when I first read it. Since there could be a big difference between the two.??
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I don't ever remember my dad being angry.


    It is funny as i mentioned in another thread that unless you are able to see and put into perspective your parents actions/personality types etc i find you tend to carry them forward in your life in a negative light. So i am/was very observant of my parents behaviour as i don't want to continue a bad cycle thats benefits noone.

    I have just had a shit few hours and mentioned in another thread but my head space (dreams) and i think because i am being reflective at the moment, maybe i am trying to be in some ways just like my father. I don't know.

    Like he told me in February, he has feelings, but he will not show them, feelings cause pain to him so he doesn't go there in the first place. I now realise thats what i do.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  10. #10
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    I would think this would depend heavily on whether the parent is NTP or NTJ.

    NTP parents may not consistently provide the structured, disciplined environment that SJ children tend to prefer. NTJ parents seem much more likely to get along well with SJ children, so much more so that I don't think it's accurate to categorize them with NTP parents in this particular comparison.

    Come to think of it, my father's (INTJ) relationship with my sister (ESTJ) is relevant here.

    They agree on many things involving principles of process. (I assume Jungian functions would explain this similarity as Te.) Their fundamental beliefs about personal responsibility and respect for planning for the future give them many things in common; the only disagreements they seem to get in are rooted in perceptual N vs. S conceptualization differences. My father is experienced enough with her at this point to recognize places where he cannot overcome this perceptual difference and thus he avoids these situations/allows her dominance if they come up. She, however, has tremendous respect for his impeccable moral consistency and so when he really stands up for himself on a particular moral opinion, she tends to yield. INTJ's ability to articulate longer-term implications of plans seems to grant him credibility in the ESTJ's eyes.

    She's had trouble with him being late to things now and again--I suppose NJs, while not nearly as bad as NPs, are a little more susceptible to this than SJs. (My ESFJ mother thinks he uses this as a way of asserting control, which is not necessarily a bad theory...)

    Anyway, their fundamental life direction attitudes fit each other pretty well--she's an academic overachiever and my dad loves that. I get along well with my dad for entirely different reasons (NT thing), but NP vs. SJ becomes a serious issue when it comes to me and my sister...so I'd expect that to have all sorts of implications in a parent-child relationship that just wouldn't be nearly as much of an issue for NTJ-SJ. Nah mean?
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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