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  1. #11
    Order Now! pure_mercury's Avatar
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    I did not really want a super-structured environment as a child.
    Who wants to try a bottle of merc's "Extroversion Olive Oil?"

  2. #12
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    I have two SJ parents. I'm totally cool with both of them, I very rarely get into argument with (they're ISFJ mom and ISTJ dad). Sometimes - maybe twice a year - I will argue with my dad because we will be both very convinced about being right about something and unwilling to back off.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  3. #13
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    my dads an entp...my opposite. he is a great guy and extremely witty and funny. him and i are just completely different people though. we both love each other very much but i find our relationship to be more of a "respectful of our differences" kinda thing.

  4. #14
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJ99 View Post
    Because a lot of NTs here, including myself, seem to have SJ parents with whom they have had a lot of conflict and problems so i was interested to see if SJs had problems with NTs as parents.
    I have/had no real issues with my INTP dad. His sense of humor was embarrassing sometimes (LOADS of bad puns), and even though he's easygoing and friendly 90% of the time, when he gets angry, he's terrifying. That was an issue as a kid - I became the deer in the headlights whenever he was mad. And whenever we'd confront him about it, he'd say things like "All I wanted was an answer to my question! I have a RIGHT to be angry!" (which, I guess, is typical of both our types - you let go of the emotion barrier only to be slammed down, and you feel hurt by that).

    I'm intrested in the difference as often the difficulties between NT kids and SJ parents come from the SJs reliance and NTs distrust of authority. So NTs rebel causing their SJ parents grief.
    I figured in reversed positions their may be a problem a lack of authority or tradition annoying the SJ. Then again it could make the SJ more open to new things and new ideas making them healthier.
    I was a very trustworthy and reliable kid. Often my parents would ENCOURAGE me to go out and have fun and stay up late (which is really funny when you think about it). I was never grounded. They never had to punish me, because for me, the guilt of doing something wrong was enough (the phrase "I'm disappointed in you" was one of the worst things they could say to me).

    Many aspects of my relationship with my dad are typical of what you pointed out - almost a reversal. Instead of him making rules for me, I'll make rules for myself. Instead of forcing me to stay home, he'd want me to socialize. For example, here's one interchange we had when I was younger (that REALLY irritated me at the time):

    Dad: Hey, do you want to go fishing?
    Me: ...Not really. It's hot out, and I'd rather stay inside and read or something.
    Dad: *gives me the look*
    Me: *continuing to make excuses, without realizing that they're excuses* Nobody else in this house wants to go fishing! I don't even like fishing that much... Why wasn't this planned in advance???
    Dad: Oh, c'mon. It'll be fun.
    Me: Why do you REALLY want me to go?
    Dad: It's out of your comfort zone. It'll be good for you.
    Me: *not wanting to displease him; realizing that he's the boss* Oh, fine. Let's go.

    Overall, though, we're good friends, and always have been. I remember talking to him about random facts about music and science and math even when I was a little kid. We have similar interests, we understand each other, etc, etc. The times that he annoys me are generally not related to type. And everybody can be annoying sometimes.

    EDIT: Just found this quote:
    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    NTP parents may not consistently provide the structured, disciplined environment that SJ children tend to prefer.
    Yeah, when I think of my dad, "structured" isn't the first word that comes to mind. I didn't really have much of a need for it, like pure_mercury said. I pretty much made my structured environment myself. My parents had no say in it.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  5. #15
    Is Willard in Footloose!! CJ99's Avatar
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    hmm its interesting how SJs seem to be fine with NT parents but NTs seem to have a lot of problems with SJ parents.

    Not sure if i'm suprised or not but its definatly interesting.
    "I'd never die for my beliefs, I might be wrong"

    "Is it not enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairys at the bottom of it too"

    "Intelligence is being able to hold too opposing views in the mind at the one time without going crazy" - Now all I need to figure out is if I'm intelligent or crazy!

  6. #16
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJ99 View Post
    hmm its interesting how SJs seem to be fine with NT parents but NTs seem to have a lot of problems with SJ parents.
    Not all SJs are fine with NT parents.

  7. #17
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    He was telling me about some redundancy mistakes people made in a news article last night. I told him, "Ok, that's such a stupid thing to comment out loud about, can't you keep it to yourself? It's so stupid to even warrant spending your time thinking that much about." Apparently I got to him, because then a few minutes later, he asked me if someone else was worth commenting about.
    Not many things strike a chord in me, but this comment would actually make me deeply sad if I heard it from a loved one. It would actually break me for some reason... I would probably dwell on it for weeks. hmmm...

  8. #18
    Senior Member Qre:us's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Not many things strike a chord in me, but this comment would actually make me deeply sad if I heard it from a loved one. It would actually break me for some reason... I would probably dwell on it for weeks. hmmm...
    YES! My thoughts are my most cherished, intimate 'things'. And, to have such a comment thrown at me, would be like someone telling me, "I'm stupid for thinking/my thoughts"....

    If the response was poking holes in how/why they are stupid, I'd be okay, and actually appreciate the critical inquiry...but, to just have a statement that my thoughts are stupid and NOT to THINK about them, coming from a loved one.... It's like, telling me to give up oxygen...

    ************************************************

    One common theme did appear from the responses: that SJ children feel the brunt of 'high expectations' from their NT parents and feeling the pressure to meet them.

    Funnily enough, I (ENTP) felt the same from my ESTJ dad. Esp. with school, academia.

  9. #19
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    YES! My thoughts are my most cherished, intimate 'things'. And, to have such a comment thrown at me, would be like someone telling me, "I'm stupid for thinking/my thoughts"....
    Yes!! And we take careful steps never to insult a person's character or intelligence - we merely debate the argument at hand. So to have someone so callously insult my intelligence because they don't like the conversation... I don't know. I never say things that I don't mean. So if someone I love calls me an idiot, I believe that they mean it. And I will believe that they always mean it deep down inside somewhere. The word 'stupid' is extremely hurtful coming from someone that I care about (but only someone I care about). I don't know why by I really got hurt reading that comment!! Funny, right??

    I had SJ parents that were relentless that things were done the "right" way. Who the hell cares about the order in which I wash the fucking dishes, but it was always glasses first, then plates, etc...

  10. #20
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Interesting, b/c I would hate to have somebody carelessly say something like that to me too. I might be able to brush it off easier, though, if I thought the person was just in a bad mood or something. I hope IRL I never accidentally say things like that to people, I try to be tactful but it's not natural for me...

    I had SJ parents that were relentless that things were done the "right" way. Who the hell cares about the order in which I wash the dishes, but it was always glasses first, then plates, etc...
    One of my parents was quite irritating that way. I could not understand why the method matters as much as the final results and we had a lot of arguments about that. (And yes, I am definitely an SJ despite that. Partly I hated doing other people's methods because I thought mine were better.)
    Last edited by Amira; 05-27-2009 at 01:13 PM. Reason: spelling
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

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