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Thread: As children

  1. #31
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    I'll sneak in here even though I'm an NF. This is way too long.

    My parents have been divorced my whole life. They didn't have a great marriage really, my dad stuck around because my mom was pregnant. They were together for 3 years, versus the few months my dad would have probably stuck around. My dad is an INTP (very well rounded), my mom an ENFJ (an extremely unhealthy one). I have no siblings. My whole life I've been trading households, 4 days with my dad, 3 with my mom (weekend). Anyways...

    I'll post here what I was like as a kid, the paragraphs below outline how I got to where I am now. As a kid I was very idealistic. I thought things would go well all the time... But a lot of the time they didn't. As I think about my past I was very clearly an Fi child. I would seek to bond with my friends, we would share secrets, opinions, theories to further get to know them well. I was also very supportive of my friends, and I relied on my friends a LOT as I grew up (if you read the paragraphs below you'll understand). My friends growing up were- ENFP male, INTP male, INTP male, INTP male, INFP male, INFJ male. They gave me a lot of support, and I don't think that they even know how much I appreciate them being there.

    I was very mild. I didn't feel any obligation to do anything stupid, no drugs or anything bad like that. My parents could fully trust me to be a good kid. I was picked on the entire time I was in middle school, none of my friends went to my school except for one of the INTPs. This added to my stress (see below). One day in 8th grade I took a stand, a kid messed with me and I beat the hell out of him and got suspended. The week after that someone tripped me in PE class and I tackled him against one of the concrete posts in the school and shook in and yelled at him until the teacher ran over and got me off of him (the things I would have done...). I never quite understood why I was bullied either.

    As a kid I did a lot on web forums in my earliest teenage years. They weren't social boards though, they were boards where people got help with their lives. Specifically forums about suicide, depression, loneliness. I realized when I was a kid that perhaps I had a gift, since I stopped two of my internet friends from committing suicide over an instant messenger. That's when I signed up for those forums, since I wanted to do that for more people, and I did. I was 13 at the time. That sounds so NF typical.

    I didn't care much about rules. Neither did my N parents (my ESTJ step mom did though). I was just a good kid, my real parents didn't feel the need to establish rules because I didn't do anything stupid or lie to them.

    I'm doing great now at 18, I'm still a mild guy, etc. I'm just much happier than I was those few years ago. I plan to be a counselor.

    Now below is some history...

    ************************************************** *********

    I lived in Atlanta GA until I was 8 years old, I have a few memories of being there. I lived in a low class neighborhood with my dad primarily, we had a really big yard with some woods (my dad always tried to get some woods for me and the cats wherever we were). I had one friend there, his name was Austin. I'm not really too sure of his type, I think he's an ENTP. We literally have known each other our entire lives, my dad and his dad were musician buddies (my dad has been a pro drummer for over 50 years, that's how he makes money). My dad said the first time we were put together we were both in diapers in a nursery type place where they were playing music. We were attached at the hip, I think I unconsciously knew that we "got" each other because we are both NPs. We would always find some way to have fun with our imaginations, or we'd just play some video games.

    I moved from Atlanta when I was 8 to North Carolina, the Western part (where I am now). There were a few reasons behind it, but the main one was because my mom was apart of a cult (one of the grounds for divorce) and the cult moved up here. My dad dropped everything, his well paying job, his life, his new house that he had just fixed up and moved up here to be with me. He didn't want to leave me with my mom. He rationalized it though and said to me "well it would be best if you didn't grow up in this huge city anyway, who knows how you would have turned out if we would have stayed", but I know what the real intent was.

    I was lucky in grow up in households with intuitive people though. So I shouldn't take that for granted.

    We moved to a mountain town, our county as of 2001 only had 18000 people in it (Atlanta has 8 million people in the city alone). It was very quiet up here, me and my dad lived in a trailer in the mountains that was very cheap, and it sure felt like home for me. You couldn't see the road or anything, we were in the middle of a forest. We were in a valley, and we could hike up the side of it on our property. It was a great place. I was always outside wondering around in the woods, there were 2 caves there. My cat would always follow me around.

    As for my mom, well, she moved once every year for some reason for whatever reason. Either the house was better, she could make profit from selling the one she was in now, etc. I think she's moved a total of 8 times the 10 years we've been up here.

    I had a pretty stressful childhood I must say. Despite all of the good times I had with my dad, things had to go and change. My dad got remarried when I was 11 to an ESTJ, I'm guessing he wanted a huge change from my mom. My mom's cult was getting worse and worse to it's people, charging more, getting more stressful and more demanding. I had a lot to juggle mentally.

    My dad's new wife was no good for me. We didn't understand each other at all, and she didn't understand anything I needed as a child totally different from her. With all of this, she decided that she was the more fit parent for me than my mom and my dad. How she came to this I have no idea, I was doing fine with my dad. To make a long story short, after living with her for 4 years with a bunch of useless rules, such as only 2 hours on the computer, totally ruined my social life, and I couldn't work on anything that I liked to work on which was writing, researching on the internet, etc. I basically didn't have anything without my computer, no where to escape to. She had huge ego issues, I would disprove her rules and point out how stupid they were and how they were effecting my life. She would just get furious and punish me. Thus I would get mad and frustrated. When I was living with my step mom I was depressed the entire time, for 4 years. After all of that we eventually started to argue badly, and one night I totally blew up on her. After that she thought I wanted to kill her, so I got sent to where I'm living now. I'm totally fine now with her out of my life.

    Meanwhile all of that was happening, my mom's cult was taking it's toll on her money. I thought it was my duty to prevent my parents from doing anything stupid in their life. So I had to get my mom out of this in any way I could. Nothing I could do would budge her, she was being overly idealistic. None of our talks would help. So one day I decided to tell her that I didn't want to see her again until she left that cult. I was 14 then. This was starting to take the toll on my life and her life, I wasn't seeing her very much at all since she was primarily over at their center, she couldn't eat certain things for no reason, etc. After 9 months my mom finally quit and I returned with her. My mom can be such a moron.

    EDIT: You wanted to see us as kids? Here's a pic of me when I was really young. I have no idea why I'm in the bucket.

    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #32
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    ^^^ Oh that is a shame.

    *cough* plagiarism from NT forum *cough* .. at least i admit to it
    Huh? I didn't plagiarize anything, that is all true of my childhood.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Hmm, lets see. First, the earliest indication of me being a J is that ever since I was VERY little I was constantly telling everyone, "When I grow up, I am going to..."

    First, my mom is INTJ and my dad is INFP. My mom believes kids need intensive training early in life and by the time they are teens they can be more of friends, whereas my dad loves to spoil little kids and by the time we were teens he kind of panicked (unnecessarily, in my opinion) and tried to crack down on us because we were going to be "done" soon and needed to be ALL GROWN UP, which does not endear a person to the people they are cracking down on. A lot of quiet resentment/undertone arguments on both sides for a while from that.

    Age 1 to 3: We lived in a village in a jungle. I ran around a lot outside and played with the other kids my age. The Indians were very indulgent with kids, including me, and I learned early how to ask for bananas in their language. I would go around asking for bananas and getting as dirty as possible until my mom either came to get me or someone else sent me back to the house. Not to imply that my mom wasn't watching me, just that everyone was pretty close and she could usually see me from the house.

    3 to 5 - I decided that every day was completely new, i.e., rules lasted for one day only and then you could wake up the next morning and forget about the previous day's rules. I also decided that many things were worth getting a spanking for and just went ahead and did them. This is the period when my mom practically went crazy I remember being a very calculating little kid and thinking a lot about the tradeoffs and cost vs. benefit of different activities. I was a busy little kid.

    6 to 10 - I decided my mom was more stubborn than me so I might as well just do what she and dad said. I was a tomboy who liked lace (but couldn't take care of fancy stuff). I climbed trees a lot and tried to do EVERYTHING my older brother did, and do it better. We had a friend who could do amazing physical feats and I thought he was the coolest person ever. I had several close friends during those years, but moving at times kept cutting those short. I was a very talkative and opinionated kid and couldn't wait to be grown up.

    10 to 13 - major, major life changes of all kinds in our family. I remember one day realizing that many adults who listened to all my chatter often weren't really interested in it. That was a rather stunning revelation and over the next couple years I became very quiet and more of a listener. I still am quiet unless I think someone is genuinely interested, in which case it turns out like this post - LOTS of words!

    13 to 18 - I was a very good teenager and rarely disobeyed or talked back, largely because I decided my parents were usually right about things. I was quite lazy, though. I was full of ambitious plans of all kinds and have tried some of the more realistic ones. I tended to still obey my mom really easily, but my dad and I still had a hard relationshiop.

    Now I'm early 20s and get along much better with my dad and still have fun with my mom. I usually find it quite easy to obey rules in work, home, on the road, etc., but when people start nitpicking or trying to assert dominance by controlling tiny details or when they do not allow any input/suggestions at all as to orders, then I can get very stubborn. I prefer things to make sense and be effective and not just do things "because." Fortunately most of the people I've had to work for/with have been open to suggestions and I try to be worthy of their respect too, so when I do have to disagree they will listen. I am an SJ but I guess not a stereotypical one in the sense of wanting to know why. I am unlike some other types though in that I believe working with the system often gives more freedom to "break the rules," for example becoming valuable at work and thus getting privileges and input into decisions because of being trusted. Maybe that is why a lot of SJs work so hard, I don't know.
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  4. #34
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Yeah, that's true, I did say exactly what was on my mind before I was about 10 years old. Very blunt, and of course I didn't see what the big deal was, I was just telling the truth, explaining what existed. This has changed by a large amount, and I'm hardly ever blunt these days.

    My mom said "one day you're going to get in trouble for that mouth. You're going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person."

    My parents always said to listen to them, and to listen to my teachers. So what happens when they say different things? When I was 7 or 8 years old, I showed my mom an assignment that I kept failing, and she said I didn't have to do it, because it was stupid. Then in class, next time the assignment came up, I said "My mom said I don't have to do that, because it's stupid." The teacher asked me whether my mom would think getting a zero on the assignment would be stupid. And I remember that the conflict of authority was disturbing to me. It was the first time it had ever been a problem. Whose word do I follow? How can she say that about my mom? So my mom had to sit down and explain to me about conflicts between adults. Until then, I had figured all adults agreed on authority matters, and about what people "should" do.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Oh Blackcat .. I am so sorry to hear your had a somewhat shite childhood. I am fortunate in that although my parents divorced when i was 5, i was unable to understand. I do remember them sitting us down (like it was yesterday) and telling us they are seperating. NEVER TELL YOUR YOUNG KIDS MOMMY AND DADDY ARE NOT GOING TO LIVE TOGETHER ANYMORE .. that's one way to fuck your kids head up. I think until you are able to grasp and understand why things happened in your childhood, stuff rears its head in adulthood that is somewhat directly linked to your childhood. I don't think i have articulated that to well, sorry.



    Quote Originally Posted by TheChosenOne View Post
    Huh? I didn't plagiarize anything, that is all true of my childhood.
    NO, silly. Lol.

    You said it was a good thread. I said it was plagirism from the NT forum.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  6. #36
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    NO, silly. Lol.

    You said it was a good thread. I said it was plagirism from the NT forum.
    Oh lol, sorry for the misunderstanding.

  7. #37
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Hmmm, I was stubborn and definitely had my rascally moments, but overall I was a pretty good kid. I never got into bad trouble. If I knew I'd disappointed my parents, it was almost always enough to get me to reform. I was very devoted to family and enjoyed getting lots of attention. :P

    One of my favorite things to do was to form clubs. Book clubs, celebrity fan clubs, whatever...I always wanted to start clubs with a mission and to be president. I also loved having parties at my house and being active outside.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  8. #38
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    Hmmm, I was stubborn and definitely had my rascally moments, but overall I was a pretty good kid. I never got into bad trouble. If I knew I'd disappointed my parents, it was almost always enough to get me to reform. I was very devoted to family and enjoyed getting lots of attention. :P

    One of my favorite things to do was to form clubs. Book clubs, celebrity fan clubs, whatever...I always wanted to start clubs with a mission and to be president. I also loved having parties at my house and being active outside.
    Awww. I think had my father played more of an active role in my life then i would of complied more. That was the man i wanted to please and him be proud of me for it. But it didn't happen, never mind.

    I did once ask a school teacher for a math book to take home, this was whilst i was in Junior school and i went home that night and did 3 pages. I was so proud of myself and thought i had done a great job. Next day, i went in and showed her. She was pissed and i had done it wrong. I was not given any details, just that it was wrong. Well i didn't do that again.

    I have been talking to my mum and found out that when i was around 18 months old, i decided i didn't want to wear nappies anymore. I took it off one night in bed, gave it to my mum and never wore another one again. If only all toddlers were like that.

    Apparantly when i was 4 years old i was put to bed one night. My mum came to check on me in the morning and i wasn't in bed. She was screaming running around the house trying to find me. She then came to the conclusion that someone must of kidnapped me. By chance she was stripping my bedroom and saw a foot on the floor. I had in the night got out of bed and decided i would sleep under it instead.

    That is so me. I don't do things by halves.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #39
    Supreme Allied Commander Take Five's Avatar
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    I never got in serious trouble outside of home. I was more organized, more disciplined, goal-oriented, quiet, and private than my siblings.
    Johari Nohari

    "If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. "--Niccolo Machiavelli

  10. #40
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I won't mention then the one and only time i went shoplifting with my friends (they were doing it every weekend) and i got caught and tried to bribe the police man with maltesers (i actually pay for them sweets). .

    Oh my gosh, my poor mum.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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