[ISFJ] What are an ISFJs views on sex?

[KarenParker]

What have you read or maybe based on your own personal experiences with them, do you believe tend to be the ISFJ's perspective on sex? I would imagine they are shy and conservative in how they believe sex should be because of the introverted judging but then there's that SF that's really throwing me off. Being an SF makes me think they would believe that sex should be a time to exchange emotions.

 

[Cimarron]

The beginning of this thread might be helpful (the middle and end got a little muddled) : http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/sj-guardhouse/10019-sjs-sex.html

 

[Totenkindly]

I've seen the following:

- Sex used as a way to reaffirm commitment, roles, religious/family values, and/or the past in the relationship.
- With younger ISFJs, sex used as a way to flaunt social conventions (e.g., the "bad girl" complex).
- Structured sex (i.e., having to schedule it in, not liking unpredictability if it messes up other plans).

I think that "sex as a time to exchange emotions" or sensory experiences is more likely to occur for SFP, while SFJ is more liable to use it as a time to exchange/reinforce commitment and reinforce values.

But I'd be more interested in hearing ISFJs talk about their own experiences.

 

[hommefatal]

From what I've read they care most about romance and satisfaction of the partner.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Where have you people read these things!?

If you can, point me to the section on ESTJs.

 

[esfpmary]

Jennifer, I think you gave a very good answer, I think you are spot on!

 

[Saslou]

Oh oh .. lol .. My E wants to join in this conversation ..

I love sex, i love making sweet passionate love. Up for almost anything. Few exceptions . If i don't like it then i won't do it again.

Now this is where i get a bit funny about things.

Say we have just met and are talking online .. DO NOT mention sex. I have instantly gone off you. Not interested.

The conversation of sex or even having it .. Give it a few weeks 2-3 preferably and then by that time, i'll know if it is meant to be.

 

[maliafee]

To my ISFJ (without getting graphic at all!), sex is special (his words). Very frequent at first, now only frequent when he does not have a lot of work on his plate. Very interested in finding out what I liked/my needs at first, now not as interested so much in changing things or learning anything more about that (takes comments on what I like now as a bit of embarrassing rejection, but in the beginning wanted to know all about what I liked; in other words, once he learned what I liked and does it, sees any more commentary as criticism -- it's the only touchy area we deal with as a couple). Actually pretty spontaneous as far as when we have it. Likes me to let him initiate mostly but sometimes likes me to take charge. But, if I'm too aggressive with initiating (too often when he's tired, etc.) this frustrates him.

All in all, if I respect his boundaries, it's really great.

Also, my ISFJ told me that women who threw themselves at him in the past sexually didn't garner any respect from him. He likes to be the initial aggressor.

In Socionics terms, here is how the two subtypes of ISFJs handle sex:

Sensory subtype (The Traditionalist):
(Sexual behaviour) Emotional yet restrained in expressing feelings. Capable of taking initiative if their partner finds it difficult, but only if partner will confidently reciprocate. Have many concealed complexes, which they find difficult to free themselves from; because of these they may seem cold in regards to their erotic feelings. Require both romantic and practical proofs of love, and an emotionally confident partner. Need a flexible, dynamic person, capable of removing suspicion and influencing the favorable outcome of events.

Ethical Subtype (The Moralist):
(Sexual behaviour) Disposed to constancy, honesty and stability. In relations they are tactful and attempt to fulfill the desires of their partner. Verbally express their views and concerns. Attentive to detail, are careful and distrustful. Need a partner that’s not overly demanding; partner should be frugal and aid in the creation of comfort, order and welfare. Partner should be responsive to this type's pleasures but more so to their attachments; otherwise they may possibly break relations, ignoring any agreements.

 

[illume]

I am curious as to whether the notoriously modest ISFJ's themselves will choose to stay mum on the subject....

 

[Eiddy]

Wow illume, I have read this thread twice and that's about as far as I want to regarding this subject..

 

[d@v3]

 

[illume]

Wow illume, I have read this thread twice and that's about as far as I want to regarding this subject..

Don't think I haven't noticed!

 

[Giggly]

What have you read or maybe based on your own personal experiences with them, do you believe tend to be the ISFJ's perspective on sex? I would imagine they are shy and conservative in how they believe sex should be because of the introverted judging but then there's that SF that's really throwing me off. Being an SF makes me think they would believe that sex should be a time to exchange emotions.

Sex is a very intimate act so yes I think sex is one of the most optimal times to express and exchange emotions, although not the only time. It's also possible for an SJ to be very tied to a gender role in his/her mind with regards to sex (i.e. maybe your ISFJ has it in his mind that men aren't supposed to express themselves emotionally so much). I also think introverts of all types (not all) tend to be shy with initiating and/or progressing things in relationships as well. And many SJ's like to keep sex as a private act.

Another thing I want to mention is that all these descriptions (and the people who so desperately want to believe them) that make ISFJ's out to only have sex out of duty are complete hogwash. I think keirsey or Jung or whoever it was who said these things just pulled that out of his rear end because it just made sense to him at the time to throw that in considering all the other things said about ISFJ. Anyways, if the ISFJ is having sex with you, it's because they want to please you AND because he or she enjoys sex as well.

 

[Eiddy]

I think keirsey or Jung or whoever it was who said these things just pulled that out of his rear end because it just made sense to him at the time considering all the other things said about ISFJs to throw that in. Anyways, if the ISFJ is having sex with you, it's because they want to please you AND because he or she enjoys sex as well.

Well said! Now if it is only established correctly, after all Captain Caveman does not exactly turn me on. LOL Men in business suits, certain types of high ranking military uniforms and intellectualism are very sexy. Oh and Orlando Bloom in "The Lord of the Rings," but lets not go there.

 

[FDG]

Wow this topic seems to be one of the most recurring of the forum. I have had various ISFJ gilfriends so I can tell you that they are not conservative or prude when they are with you, they can actually be quite forward and initiative-taking if they know that this is appreciated. After all, they are sensing types, thus attuned to what gives them-and others-pleasure and what doesn't. Obviously, the conservative aspect entails that they won't like to have sex in public, or have threesomes, stuff like that.

 

[Saslou]

Sex is a very intimate act so yes I think sex is one of the most optimal times to express and exchange emotions, although not the only time. It's also possible for an SJ to be very tied to a gender role in his/her mind with regards to sex (i.e. maybe your ISFJ has it in his mind that men aren't supposed to express themselves emotionally so much). I also think introverts of all types (not all) tend to be shy with initiating and/or progressing things in relationships as well. And many SJ's like to keep sex as a private act.

Another thing I want to mention is that all these descriptions (and the people who so desperately want to believe them) that make ISFJ's out to only have sex out of duty are complete hogwash. I think keirsey or Jung or whoever it was who said these things just pulled that out of his rear end because it just made sense to him at the time to throw that in considering all the other things said about ISFJ. Anyways, if the ISFJ is having sex with you, it's because they want to please you AND because he or she enjoys sex as well.

I so wish i was an I instead of an E sometimes .. You are so more sensitive and soft than me .. Sigh

Wow this topic seems to be one of the most recurring of the forum. I have had various ISFJ gilfriends so I can tell you that they are not conservative or prude when they are with you, they can actually be quite forward and initiative-taking if they know that this is appreciated. After all, they are sensing types, thus attuned to what gives them-and others-pleasure and what doesn't. Obviously, the conservative aspect entails that they won't like to have sex in public, or have threesomes, stuff like that.

Got to second everything you said .. I think everyone can be open minded when it comes to sex .. but certain things are a no go .. threesomes .. I don't believe a third person should ever be brought into a relationship, never mind the bedroom.