...and I am IxTP.
(I type her as ESxJ for the sake of precision, but I believe she's probably more F than T anyway.)
We are in mid twenties and it's the first important relationship for the both of us. We've been together for about 2 years.
Lately she's been telling me how much she's afraid of losing me and how much she can't live without me and how much she fears I'll betray her and how much she will love me forever etc. etc.
She seems to be a little obsessed with fears ._.
Our relationship has been steady, we haven't had major arguments for almost a year now, I AM the most loyal of men and never gave her any hint of the contrary. Our unresolved issue is marriage: she believes in it wholeheartedly, while I am very scared of formal/legal commitment (my parents sucked -hard- at living together, I have scars).
To me, feelings of insecurity in a relationship are something to be suppressed: everyone should be independent, in a relationship or not. But obviously I am just a hopeless introvert thinker and I don't know shit about "love" as she experiences it! Her fears could be perfectly normal, that's why I'm posting here...
AND, maybe I feel imprisoned by her growing emotional dependency on me (or maybe I am just inventing problems in my head.) Actually, I don't understand my own feelings very well too..
Is there anything I can do about her fears? Should I do anything?
Is it normal for an ESxJ female to have such fears and to be SO OPENLY VOCAL about them? Could it be just a bad period? (she has exams, she should finish her nursing degree in which she is very emotionally invested for her selfesteem..).
Should I reassure her of my affection and loyalty, like a father would do to his child? Or is it better to ignore the issue, in the hope that she may become more self-assured?
I see her twice a week (evening together plus sleeping at my place). Usually I keep the weekends for myself. Is this wrong? (everyone seems to think so!). I know it's normal for extraverts to see each other at least every other day but I could NEVER take it, I need a lot of space and time for myself.
But I don't want to hurt her with my "distant" lifestyle, maybe she can't take it in the long run...
I'm afraid that she has the ESFJ trait of over-sacrificing oneself: maybe she sticks with me "because of" while my loner ways are abusive to her delicate feelings... is this possible? I am brainstorming to fix potential problems in the relationship... any input is appreciated.