Grocery Store Humor: An ISTJ Service Clerk's Perspective
When life gives you lemons, take 'em back to produce.
Do English Muffins have accents?
Clearly, French Fries are not from France. Is Texas Toast from Texas, though? It is big, after all.
I've finally figured out why they call it "Half & Half"! It's half one thing, and half another!
Please explain to me why any sane person would want a paper bag *inside* of a plastic bag.
Please explain to me why any sane person would want double-bagged paper bags to be bagged lightly.
Why on earth do people go to the left door that has the big red circle on it, as opposed to the door on the right side that has the green circle?
Honestly, I deal with bags and groceries on a daily basis. So why on earth would *anyone* dispute me when I say the bag will not rip when lifted?
When customers make irresponsible decisions and/or stupid mistakes, it somehow magically becomes the cashier's fault.
The shopping carts just look better when they're in even rows.
Purchasing pork brings a whole new meaning to "bringing home the bacon".
Canned, vegetarian, breaded chicken fingers made from soy? Who would buy that!?
I just don't get it --- Evaporated Milk. Just think about it for a second.
A rather....large customer once told me she was trying to lose weight. She's a regular --- rides the Amigo and buys mostly from the frozen section.
Clearly, that massive package of strawberries is *not* $0.99. Not to mention that almost all produce is weighed per pound......and has been for years.
Here, let me run all the way to the back corner of the store to get you that free gallon of milk because the cashier reminded you and sent me. Really, I don't mind.
Here, I'll take that milk all the way back because the date was the 17th and not the 19th. I will then proceed to search for one that is the 19th, and upon returning with it, discover that you've already left because "I took too long". And as an added bonus, I'll even go put it back!
Please look behind you before backing up out of your parking space. My shopping carts and I appreciate it greatly.
Please don't refer to me by my name (even though it's clearly written on my nametag) unless you know me. I can tolerate it, but that doesn't make it less creepy.
No, the bags are most certainly not free, and no, you cannot just take as many as you want. And no, my manager will *not* say something different, even if I go get her to deal with you.
Please don't haggle --- this is a grocery *store*, not a grocery auction house.
Just because there's a good sale on something doesn't mean you have to go and buy up all the ones we have. The people that come after you get upset.
People always look at me in total and utter disbelief when I inform them that the Men's Restroom is indeed cleaner than the Women's. It's true!
Please don't eat your groceries while standing in line. It's just awkward. And it's stealing if it is something that is weighed and priced at the register.
Please know how much money you have on hand, and how much you are going to spend. I hate it when people get up to the register with a huge (fully loaded) shopping cart, and ask the cashier to "stop when it gets to $50". If you really can't keep track of your spending in your head, get a calculator!
If you don't want me to take out your groceries, please say so. Don't wait for me to bag them, load them into my cart, and then take my cart. That's not nice --- In fact, I call it "cart-jacking". It leaves me cart-less for the person behind you.
Speaking of people behind you....when you leave and I follow you to take out your stuff, please don't leave your cart directly in front of the person behind you. That's not cool.
Attention customers: You are *not* the only one in the store. The world does *not* revolve around you. There are other people that need my help.
The customer is not always right. It is merely the duty of the salesman to let them think they are.
I feel bad for these college-aged guys that eat out of the frozen section. Didn't their mother teach them to cook? Not to mention when they hit thirty and their metabolism slows down, they're going to bulk up. And not in a good way.
When I ask if you want your milk in a bag, and you reply, "I like it in the jug", please understand that my laugh is a pity laugh. It's not funny. (Hypocritical of me, isn't it?)
Ever notice how whenver someone drops and breaks something, it's either expensive, gross-smelling, incredibly hard to clean up, or some combination of the three?
It really bothers me when people get cash back on food stamps (or other welfare programs) so they can buy more alcohol and cigarettes.
Are you kidding me? I *just* mopped back there! (Now I'm sounding like my Mom.)
As bad as some of that may have sounded, I really do like my job.
The primary purpose of it was to brighten someone's day. I hope it did so.