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  1. #1
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Default Thoughts From An ISTJ

    I've been reading some things on ISTJ's in general here on the forum, but I wasn't sure if I should post on some of them. After all, they were one to two years old.

    I just wanted to start a discussion on a few things that caught my attention - mostly relationship-related things, for now. I understand that a lot of threads and posts have been devoted to this topic, so I'll try to point out the main things that stuck out to me:

    1. Building relationships with an ISTJ

    2. Maintaining relationships with an ISTJ

    3. Purpose of (and/or) Result of relationships with an ISTJ



    I noticed someone said that they make relationships out of......necessity? For example, I would not normally go out and befriend people, but by being stuck in some Photography class, I have made a few "acquaintances" and one "friend". I know all of the people in the class, by name, but I only speak with a few of them on a regular basis, and I only "bond" with one of them every session.

    The majority of the people in my class irritate me. They're mostly lazy kids, suffering from severe cases of "senioritis".

    (Lack of motivation to complete work due to being almost done with High School, although they fail to realize they must attend college to get anywhere in this world. Sick, huh, how you go into debt to go to a school so you can get a small piece of paper that says you can get a job, so you can pay back the debt you ran up to get into that school to get that piece of paper..... My apologies, that was quite the rant.) :steam:

    Back to the original thought. *ahem* Right off the bat, I gravitated to certain individuals. Out of the thirty-some kids in the class, I only "liked" about three of them. I merely "tolerate" the rest of the bunch. (Especially the loudmouthed girls that constantly shout for the teacher so he can run over and answer some ignorant question they should know the answer to.)

    The girl I spend the most time with was originally out of necessity -- I sit next to her. Initially, I discovered that we share similar views in terms of politics and religion. (Not all, but there is some common ground.) Our relationship is not a romantic one. (I am not seeking a girlfriend and she is taken already.)

    The more time I spend with her, the more we "bond". I look forward to talking to her now. Most of the time (in terms of class related things,) I am teaching her both the basics and the complexities of Adobe's Photoshop CS3 program. She takes extremely good pictures but isn't exactly the editing wizard. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite. We complement each other well.

    Turns out, she is an INTJ. (A gross generalization, but I've noticed that ExxP people usually irritate me. No offense intended. And note the word "usually".)

    In terms of romantic relationships, I am almost always attracted to what I perceive as IxxJ. Of course, this is just speculation.




    This is turning out to be an incredibly long post. I'll stop here and wait for feedback. I'll touch on the other points if the discussion goes somewhere.

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  2. #2
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    No INFPs or ISFPs for you?
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #3
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Default

    I'm not sure. Due to the fact that I am still studying this MBTI theory, and the fact that it *is* a theory....well, let's just go to my own words. I like what I "perceive" as IxxJ. I could be wrong. ISTJs are known to "parade as another type" when it is doing a duty. At least for me, it is. For example, when I'm at work, I act like an Extrovert. It's part of my job -- I have to outgoing, nice, and friendly. And I have no problems with that.

    That was a long way of saying I may be liking IxxP, or whatever, and just not know it.

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  4. #4
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Great post by the way.

    You can never be sure about what you're attracted to until you experience it. So it's understandable. I was merely curious, since the ISXJs are on my list of primary romantic attractions.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  5. #5
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Default

    I wouldn't say I usually make relationships out of necessity. I value real friendships and am always looking out for possibilities, as true friends are rare and hard to come by. Even though most people do not turn into deep friends for me, I still like becoming friendly with all sorts of people and interacting. It's usually fun, despite being a lot of work for me... Sometimes, like work colleagues, there will be someone I really, really want to have a good relationship of some sort with, I guess because I can't imagine being around someone all the time and not getting along (that would be awful), so I'll work extra hard at finding common ground with those people unless they "slam the door" in my face.

    Turns out, she is an INTJ.
    I've mentioned before I usually get along really well with INTJs.

    BlackCat,
    I anyway don't know many INFPs or ISFPs well IRL. I do know that some of the people I have clashed with the worst (not dramatically, just polar opposites like magnets pushing away) have been SPs. I do know quite a few ENFPs and they are very cool. There, a gooey icon for the ENFPs and one for the INFPs. My sister is an ENFP on the borderline between E and I and she is a very good influence on the rest of us serious and too stern people in the family. She naturally is one of the people that can "draw me out," which not many can do. Maybe that's one reason why ISTJs and XNFPs seem to get along so well!

    For example, when I'm at work, I act like an Extrovert. It's part of my job -- I have to outgoing, nice, and friendly. And I have no problems with that.
    One of my jobs involved seeing the same customers several times a week for extended time periods. Almost every one of them was very surprised whenever I would say I was an Introvert (I was flattered). Of course, I had to take a nap every day as soon as I got home!
    Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato

  6. #6
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Default

    Great post by the way.
    Thanks. As I was writing this, a thought in the back of my head emerged. It was something along the lines of, "Wait, is anyone going to care?".

    On that note, I'd also like to point out another girl in my Photography class. (And my Visual Communications class from last year as well.) This girl....is different. She's the exception to the above statement, as I'm pretty sure she's an ExxP. (I'd like to say ENFP but I don't have sufficient information.)

    She was (attracted?) to me the first year. Now we're....the.... Whatever the middle is between acquaintance and good friend. She's told me that she really likes people like me -- and that her current boyfriend is almost a carbon copy of me, with blond hair. I found it quite shocking how much I am like this guy she talks about. Perhaps that is why she sought me out in the first year.

    Who knows. Just thought I'd point it out.

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  7. #7
    Senior Member FallaciaSonata's Avatar
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    Default 2. Maintaining Relationships

    I suppose I'll move onto the next part. (Feel free to talk about any of them, though.)


    Once a relationship is established, things happen. I'll be referring to my general friendships for this part. In stark contrast to a lot of my peers, I have only a few friends in total, and only a couple of "close friends". I like it that way.

    Friendships for me are established in a couple of ways. (I believe these have been stated elsewhere, as well.) The primary method is through common-ground. If we both share a hobby or some other form of activity, I usually end up connecting with that person to a small degree. I suppose it's because of assumption on my part --- because they like what I like, they must be like me to some extent. This isn't always true, but I do that nonetheless.

    The other way is through forced contact. What I mean by this is social situations I am required to be in due to a job, duty, or the like. A good example would be the tech center. That Photography class I mentioned --- it is worthless to me because I'm going to major in Business / Management. But I still have to go. By doing this, I commune with a small group of people to perform tasks and carry out assignments. This is how we "bond".



    This may sound cruel, but I only maintain relationships that have a purpose. Just like anything else, (talking to strangers) I need a valid reason. I don't make / have / keep friends "just because".

    One of my old friends, we'll refer to him as Bob, and I have grown apart. When we were younger we used to play Pokemon, and a multitude of other things. The older we got though, the more drastically different we became. He's a jock --- football kind of guy. Likes football video games, cars, and the like. I'm the opposite --- I'm lazy. I read books and play RPGs, and do more "nerdy" stuff. This happened over six years or so.

    As a result, I no longer talk to Bob. I'm not mad at him, so if I saw him again I wouldn't have a problem saying "Hi", or anything, or even just talking for a bit, but I make no effort whatsoever in keeping contact. I see little reason to.

    Relationships that I maintain are usually a bit different. If our "common-ground", has lasted for a period of time long enough for me to "trust" you, (Not sure if that is the best word) then I strive to keep it that way. Once we've "bonded", there is no "un-bonding", unless you cut yourself away from me.

    I suppose what I'm trying to say is..... I live in this little box, here:



    And once you're inside, we're buddies.

    Always remember to flank your enemies. History won't remember how dramatic your failed frontal assault looked. - Dragon Age: Origins

  8. #8
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
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    Default

    As a result, I no longer talk to Bob. I'm not mad at him, so if I saw him again I wouldn't have a problem saying "Hi", or anything, or even just talking for a bit, but I make no effort whatsoever in keeping contact. I see little reason to.
    I'm the exact same way. Although even if I don't make any effort to stay in contact with that person, it doesn't mean that I dislike that person now or didn't value the friendship (which is what a lot of people assume). Like you said, if I saw the person on the street then I would have no problem saying "Hi" or talking. Or if the person, once again, joined a class that I was taking or got a job in the same building/level/office as I did...then I would have no qualms about picking up the friendship where we left off.

    I guess I'm just horrible at keeping in contact with someone for the purpose of keeping in contact with them and engaging in small talk about things that don't even concern me.

    Relationships that I maintain are usually a bit different. If our "common-ground", has lasted for a period of time long enough for me to "trust" you, (Not sure if that is the best word) then I strive to keep it that way. Once we've "bonded", there is no "un-bonding", unless you cut yourself away from me.
    Again, I'm the same way. Once I've "bonded" with someone then I feel like that connection is always there, I don't forget about it. If the person moves away and I don't talk to them for 2 years, I'll still feel like that bond is there.

    The other way is through forced contact. What I mean by this is social situations I am required to be in due to a job, duty, or the like. A good example would be the tech center. That Photography class I mentioned --- it is worthless to me because I'm going to major in Business / Management. But I still have to go. By doing this, I commune with a small group of people to perform tasks and carry out assignments. This is how we "bond".
    This is how all my friendships have started -- the person sat next to me in class or a group project, or in the workplace I got assigned to work in close proximity to another person (i.e. if I worked on a cash register, the other person worked on a cash register right next to mine). I find that this is the easiest way for me to bond with someone, if we both have this shared interest/activity/assignment in common...and then from there I am able to start talking about other interests that we may have in common (i.e. movies, music, etc.)
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  9. #9
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    This is how all my friendships have started -- the person sat next to me in class or a group project, or in the workplace I got assigned to work in close proximity to another person (i.e. if I worked on a cash register, the other person worked on a cash register right next to mine). I find that this is the easiest way for me to bond with someone, if we both have this shared interest/activity/assignment in common...and then from there I am able to start talking about other interests that we may have in common (i.e. movies, music, etc.)
    That's what I meant when I said something like "my relationships seem to start out of necessity." On some level, though, that bothers me. It says to me that my friends and I just met by coincidence, which feels as if it takes away from authenticity and "truth" in the friendship.

    Similar, and more important, is that my friendships die away when those situations change. They are founded on common-ground and common-interests, and when I examine a friendship, that's what I see. "What would we do without those common interests? Probably nothing. How could a friendship last while doing nothing together, even if intent to be friends is still there? I don't think it can. So it seems the friendship hinges on doing these things: lose that, and the drift occurs." And again, this makes me question the "authenticity" of the friendship.

    The intent/desire to be friends is the weird part. I can feel it a lot of times, even when there are less and less activities that we want to do together, so the friendship withers away. I don't want it to do so, but it does, maybe inevitably.

    I think the bulk of this applies to relationships, too.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  10. #10
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
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    Yeah I usually make friendships out of necessities also, like being in the same class to get resources. Sometimes I may seem a little disloyal, because I don't hang out with the same people I used to, basically out of necessity.

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