[SJ] Q for SJs: do you put up a facade?

[MacGuffin]

Not being fake, but putting the best appearance forward.

We all do this to some extent, but I wonder if SJs take this to an extreme.

I see it myself.

 

[xtremegeek]

Q for SJs: do you put up a facade?

<<Not being fake, but putting the best appearance forward.

<<We all do this to some extent, but I wonder if SJs take this to an extreme.

<<I see it myself.

Every SJ is different. Some take it to an extreme and some don't. And, wouldn't it also depend on the situation i.e. appearing remorseful at a funeral for a distant relative; appearing happy at a wedding of an annoying acquaintance; appearing happy for a brother who is getting married for the third time. The facade all depends on the SJ, the situation, and the relationship between the SJ and the situation.

Any personality type is capable of putting up a facade. It's a question of who, what, where, when and why. The right combination will bring out the facade in any of us.

 

[MacGuffin]

Every SJ is different. Some take it to an extreme and some don't. And, wouldn't it also depend on the situation i.e. appearing remorseful at a funeral for a distant relative; appearing happy at a wedding of an annoying acquaintance; appearing happy for a brother who is getting married for the third time. The facade all depends on the SJ, the situation, and the relationship between the SJ and the situation.

Any personality type is capable of putting up a facade. It's a question of who, what, where, when and why. The right combination will bring out the facade in any of us.

Not so much doing the socially appropriate thing, everyone does this to some extent. Even the NTs.

More a constant awareness of how one wants to be perceived. The "proper" way.

 

[xtremegeek]

Q for SJs: do you put up a facade?

<<Not so much doing the socially appropriate thing, everyone does this to some extent. Even the NTs.

<<More a constant awareness of how one wants to be perceived. The "proper" way.

Ahh, as in...SJs want the world to perceive them as law-abiding do-gooders; NTs want the world to perceive them as unique geniuses; SPs want to be perceived by the world as the cool James Bond? When, in fact, we are all much more ordinary. We create the extrodinary persona in our minds...

 

[Totenkindly]

We should get Haight involved to discuss a book he recommended to me a few months ago: "Public Appearances, Private Realities: The Psychology of Self-Monitoring" by Mark Snyder.

Self-monitoring isn't just related to type, although SJs might seem to fall into the pattern more easily. Nor is it always a bad thing, it's a useful social construct.

Then again, Haight never reads threads. :steam:

 

[Maverick]

To some extent, putting a facade is a natural part of social skills that most SJ's seem to have but not NT's. It helps getting along with different people.

 

[Recoleta]

For me, it really depends on the situation. In my life when I am dealing with friends and family (people I genuinely trust, love, and care about) I hate the idea of facades. These people see me for who I am. I don't censor my thoughts, the things I say, or change who I am around them. If my house is messy, I may straiten up a little bit, but I'm not gonna ban them from my home until everything is spotless. They see me without makeup and wearing my "bum around the house clothes" all the time. I want people to know me for who I am from the get-go...it's so much easier in the long run than trying to maintain false appearances.

I will say though, when I am at work I am much more aware of how I come across. I work in an upscale restaurant as a server, so naturally, serving is all about first impressions and how you carry yourself. Good impression = better pay. I make sure that my appearance is neat, that I put on a smile, and that I am polite and helpful even when I don't want to. Sometimes I really enjoy my job (as in when I get to have genuine conversations with my tables...I enjoy seeing my tables be happy), although there are those customers who are rude, monopolize my time with incessant and petty requests, and treat me like an uneducated slave. Don't get me wrong, I am there to serve, but at the point where I am refilling someones glass for about the 4th+ time I really feel like saying, "Hey buddy, I have other tables to take care of besides yours...is it really that hard to hydrate yourself throughout the day or were you just holding off until you can get someone else to do it for you?" Yeah, the restaurant business is one big facade.

 

[MacGuffin]

Ahh, as in...SJs want the world to perceive them as law-abiding do-gooders; NTs want the world to perceive them as unique geniuses; SPs want to be perceived by the world as the cool James Bond? When, in fact, we are all much more ordinary. We create the extrodinary persona in our minds...

Excellent point.

 

[Sona]

Yeah sometimes, I thought everyone did it? when you meet new people. The first impression always counts.

 

[Crabapple]

When I'm aware of the facade, and it doesn't repulse me too much, I put it on. Saves the trouble and annoyance of being treated like a freak. Unfortunately, I find a great deal of what people do to be repulsive.

 

[JoSunshine]

How interesting. I was just going to post a question regarding this trait in ESFJ males (which I will probably still do). My ex is an ESFJ. When I met him, I was like, "Wow! I think I have met the one!" He did a great job of reading me and being exactly what I wanted him to be. Of course over time, the "real" him showed up. I never felt like he was trying to bamboozel me (isn't bamboozel a great word?!), but he just wanted me to like him.

Anyway, my sister and best friend are also ESFJs. I think they sometimes put up a facade, but nothing too extreme...no more than anyone else.

Oh and notice the signiture...words I try to live by...Dr Seuss was a very wise man

 

[Gerbah]

More a constant awareness of how one wants to be perceived. The "proper" way.

I personally am not constantly thinking about how I want to be perceived. That said, I think that people generally, especially those who don't know me that well, see me as rather "proper". That's just because my relationship is more distant so I'm not showing much of myself, yet I don't want to be non-engaged or rude or ignore. So I try to be nice and polite. Combined with the distance this probably comes across as proper and serious. Typically ISTJ I guess. But this isn't a facade. I want to be nice, so this is real, I'm just not showing the rest.

 

[NewEra]

Haha when I put my mind to it, I can always be the best _______ in the bunch. Thing is I don't have enough drive to do that most of the time, unless I really need to.

 

[MacGuffin]

I personally am not constantly thinking about how I want to be perceived. That said, I think that people generally, especially those who don't know me that well, see me as rather "proper". That's just because my relationship is more distant so I'm not showing much of myself, yet I don't want to be non-engaged or rude or ignore. So I try to be nice and polite. Combined with the distance this probably comes across as proper and serious. Typically ISTJ I guess. But this isn't a facade. I want to be nice, so this is real, I'm just not showing the rest.

When do you show the rest?

 

[Fidelia]

I think there is more importance placed on how SJs are perceived. I think it has to do with wanting to be seen as competent and trustworthy. However, in my observation this is taken much further with people the SJ wants to impress: people higher up the chain of command, people of higher social standing. I don't know if this is just the SJs I have known though or a general trend.

 

[IZthe411]

I don't like facades.

I think as an SJ I'm very observant towards people and try to interact in a (sometimes risk averse) way to produce a positive outcome.

It depends on the person and the situation.

 

[Gerbah]

When do you show the rest?

Normally it's a question of time and getting to know each other. As long as the person hasn't done anything to make me feel they aren't trustworthy they'll eventually get to know more of me. Otherwise I just stop at a certain level with the person. I just basically try not to be unkind or unjust to the person, so they will get the "proper" side of me at least. Sometimes though it's the circumstances that might make me feel it's not appropriate to go further with a certain person.

 

[IZthe411]

Normally it's a question of time and getting to know each other. As long as the person hasn't done anything to make me feel they aren't trustworthy they'll eventually get to know more of me. Otherwise I just stop at a certain level with the person. I just basically try not to be unkind or unjust to the person, so they will get the "proper" side of me at least. Sometimes though it's the circumstances that might make me feel it's not appropriate to go further with a certain person.

Me and my girl had that question. Even with her, it wasn't a matter of not being myself, it was a matter of just gaining her trust, and that's a gradual process. So I wasn't, in her words, 'uncomfortable' with her, it's just that I let her in over time.

 

[MacGuffin]

Normally it's a question of time and getting to know each other. As long as the person hasn't done anything to make me feel they aren't trustworthy they'll eventually get to know more of me. Otherwise I just stop at a certain level with the person. I just basically try not to be unkind or unjust to the person, so they will get the "proper" side of me at least. Sometimes though it's the circumstances that might make me feel it's not appropriate to go further with a certain person.

Do you think you do this more or less than other kinds of people?

 

[IZthe411]

Do you think you do this more or less than other kinds of people?

More. I don't think this is a trait found inall SJs, probably just ISTJs.