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  1. #1
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Default I accidentally hurt an ISFJ's feelings... now what do I do?!

    I told him I needed more space because he wanted to see me every day and call all the time. I said it as gently as I possibly could. Now he's just cancelled our date for tonight because he said he had an awful day. I feel so bad about it and I don't know what to do. I only told him because I want things to last with him for the long-haul.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member countrygirl's Avatar
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    You told him that 'you needed more space'? People usually say that when they are not interested in a relationship. If you need him to slow down well that's different.

    Best try to correct this as soon as possible.

  3. #3
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by countrygirl View Post
    You told him that 'you needed more space'? People usually say that when they are not interested in a relationship. If you need him to slow down well that's different.

    Best try to correct this as soon as possible.
    Oh no! I said both. But I don't think needing space means you aren't ready to be in a relationship. Everybody has a different amount of time they like to spend with a boyfriend or girlfriend. For some it's every day, for others it's once a week.
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  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Do something sweet for him, so he knows that you're still into him. Restore the bond, and reassure him
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #5
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    ISFJs need to be nurtured. Let him know you really do care (and that you want him to care for you.. that's especially important to most ISFJs)

  6. #6
    Member illume's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geoff View Post
    ISFJs need to be nurtured. Let him know you really do care (and that you want him to care for you.. that's especially important to most ISFJs)
    Word

  7. #7
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Do something sweet for him, so he knows that you're still into him. Restore the bond, and reassure him
    This is the closest thing I would have said, but truthfully speaking, I don't think there's much you can do. He sounds like he's really sensitive and emotional and is not really ready for a relationship that isn't codependent. Even taking Amargith's advice won't help because it just reinforces his dependency on you. He needs to figure out how to be self-sufficient, and that's something he has to do on his own.

    Sorry for the gloomy forecast.

  8. #8
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Do something sweet for him, so he knows that you're still into him. Restore the bond, and reassure him
    I think this will work, but make sure you are genuine about it!

    (Wow Amar, you really know your ISxJ's... )
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #9
    Senior Member KarenParker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    This is the closest thing I would have said, but truthfully speaking, I don't think there's much you can do. He sounds like he's really sensitive and emotional and is not really ready for a relationship that isn't codependent. Even taking Amargith's advice won't help because it just reinforces his dependency on you. He needs to figure out how to be self-sufficient, and that's something he has to do on his own.

    Sorry for the gloomy forecast.
    I think everyone here has a good point. I think I should give him some reassurance but I think I shouldn't be too accommodating. If I stop hanging out with my friends and working and spend all my time with him, that's not healthy. He might have abandonment issues. I'm not sure what someone is supposed to do to get over that problem.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KarenParker View Post
    I think everyone here has a good point. I think I should give him some reassurance but I think I shouldn't be too accommodating. If I stop hanging out with my friends and working and spend all my time with him, that's not healthy. He might have abandonment issues. I'm not sure what someone is supposed to do to get over that problem.
    He DOES have abandonment issues. He needs to learn how to deal with the uncomfortable feelings without jumping to react (unconsciously) the way he has been probably his whole life. He needs to slow down and deal with it more strategically and calmly.

    If you talk to him calmly, you might be able to create an atmosphere for something like that.

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