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  1. #1
    GirlAmerica
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    Default Why why why are ISTJ sooooo evasive?

    How do you break through to an ISTJ and get them to open up?

  2. #2
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlAmerica View Post
    How do you break through to an ISTJ and get them to open up?
    Haha...yeah, I will admit this is a really hard thing to accomplish. First, it depends on how long you have known this particular ISTJ. If you've just met them, expect to be patient because we have to be really comfortable with someone before we open up. At least for me, (and I think ISTJ's in general) we are extremely selective as to who we let get close to us, and we will always observe from the get-go what we do and do not like about you. Above all though, you must be consistent! We don't care nearly as much about faults as we do consistency...we can certainly love you for being quirky, but we will run away from you for being "sketchy." I suppose the best advice I can give you is to make yourself visible...as in be around often, but not excessively. Like, somehow fit yourself into the ISTJ's weekly routine. Be positive, but witty and challenging at the same time.

    Once you've broken into their bubble, try and shake them up a bit by being a little spontaneous and trying something out of the ordinary. Although we are often perceived as stuffy, boring people who are married to our schedules we really do enjoy being challenged with something new every once in awhile. Personally, I love physical or outdoor activities...somewhere where it can be just the 2 of you sharing in a mutual activity...it makes things much more comfortable and therefore more conducive to deeper conversations. Start out small though, don't just be like, "So...tell me your deepest thoughts and desires." Hahaha, that would be like my worst nightmare.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I think you should be willing to face the possibility that what you are looking for is not in there (or at least it isn't in there in the form you expect).

    What are you looking for?

  4. #4
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlAmerica View Post
    How do you break through to an ISTJ and get them to open up?
    My experience with an ISTJ years ago was that I was trying to "break through" to something that was not there. Maybe I just didn't have the right key, who knows?

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    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlAmerica View Post
    How do you break through to an ISTJ and get them to open up?
    An INTJ will tend to look for something different than many INFPs. I'm not sure i understand the INFP comments in this thread so far. Some people can get sick of too much idealism and actually be drawn to the more practical, level headed types. They find what they are looking for. I can definitely see a useful collaboration between INTJ and ISTJ. They could devise and implement glorious systems together. Whee!

    Recoleta, your post really fit well with what i've read about ISTJs. I can understand why one key component is exploring a surprise, or something different from one's status quo.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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    Pareo cattus Natrushka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    I can definitely see a useful collaboration between INTJ and ISTJ. They could devise and implement glorious systems together. Whee!


    From experience I suggest being consistent, being reliable, being on time <which, while it sounds like being reliable, is a whole 'nother kettle of fish lol>. As Recolleta says, you need to be around them for this, just not too much. Being logical helps me (INTJ) when we don't share similar views, as does listening and trying to understand just what it is we see differently.

    Once they accept you as a friend / someone they can trust, they'll open up.

    This signature left intentionally blank.

    Really.

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    Senior Member Lateralus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlAmerica View Post
    How do you break through to an ISTJ and get them to open up?
    I've found a sledge hammer to be the most efficient way to get to the gooey insides.
    "We grow up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they're really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because "strength of belief" is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you've made it a part of your ego."

  8. #8
    heart on fire
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    Toonia, the guy I knew was open with me, as much as I think he ever was with anyone in his life up to that point from what he said but I thought he was still hiding a secret self from me. It wasn't that he was being evasive, but that I didn't understand his way. That's all I was saying.

    I am well aware that many people are sick of too much idealism, you aren't exactly relating an earth shattering news break to me there.

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    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    My experience with an ISTJ years ago was that I was trying to "break through" to something that was not there. Maybe I just didn't have the right key, who knows?
    There is variability within all types, and the same with ISTJs and the "inner self." Obviously one exists; but if an N is trying to get inside an ISTJ and find an inner self that is similar to their own [in fact, often N's assume that everyone else is like them inside and that if they just "broke through," then they could release a person similar to themselves], they might be very disappointed.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by GirlAmerica View Post
    How do you break through to an ISTJ and get them to open up?
    If you have a big mouth then forget it. Normally I only open up to persons I know who will not betray me in other words someone I can trust. Just get to the point also don't beat around the bush, don't try to trick an ISTJ into opening up. I've had people try that on me. I must tell you its very uncomfortable talking about your inner most feelings, its embarrassing, so don't laugh. I also tend to find I find it easier if I write down what I'm feeling. If someone asked me on the spot, I wouldn't have a clue. I need time, about a weeks notice before someone asks me those "deep" questions.

    Or you can go for the easy option, get 'em tipsy. I shouldn't really be giving away these secrets.

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