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[ISTJ] Why why why are ISTJ sooooo evasive?

Helfeather

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2007
Messages
47
MBTI Type
IXTX
Their inner mind/heart is their sanctuary which they keep very private...

The only way to get them to open up is to be consistently reliable and always be there for them; it will take time.

They look for consistency!!!
 
Joined
Sep 8, 2007
Messages
170
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Yeah, being an ISTJ I would suggest:
be patient
be interested/caring
and CALM DOWN (if you need to) lol
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
ISTJs really intrigue me. (Unless they're security-seeking to a great extent. That's sort of a turn-off of SJs for me.)


Does anyone think this intriguing-ness of an INTJ toward an ISTJ could be analogous of an INFP toward an INTJ?

Sort of that "we're soo similar in so many ways, but you're way more level-headed than I am?" (an INTJ would be very level-headed wrt an INFP, and an ISTJ would be way more level-headed wrt an INTJ)
 
W

WALMART

Guest
I am glad I found this thread. Thank you [MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION] and [MENTION=7]Jennifer[/MENTION] for your contributions.

(particularly interested that you correlated Se with Buddhist ideals)
 

CheshireCat

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GOO
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954
"when a caterpillar makes its transformation into a butterfly, it is not an easy process. the little butterfly struggles to break free of the cocoon. in that very process of struggling to ge out, the butterfly exercises its wing muscles and builds up thenecessary strength to fly. if you compassionately cut open the cocoon to make it easierfor the butterfly, it will never gain the strength to fly. instead it just dies."
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
Joined
Aug 21, 2008
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3,417
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ISTJ
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5w6
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sp/so
"when a caterpillar makes its transformation into a butterfly, it is not an easy process. the little butterfly struggles to break free of the cocoon. in that very process of struggling to ge out, the butterfly exercises its wing muscles and builds up thenecessary strength to fly. if you compassionately cut open the cocoon to make it easierfor the butterfly, it will never gain the strength to fly. instead it just dies."

Cocoon : moth
Chrysalis : butterfly
 

Tiltyred

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ISTJ certainly opens up well with alcohol. Works every time. The most important thing is that you establish rituals. Say hello and goodbye in a strange voice or something (srsly) every single day, or say the exact same thing every time you do a certain thing. Have the exact same conversation every time a certain topic comes up. Ritual, routine, predictability -- you can make it up out of nothing, as long as you are consistent. Remember some little quip they made and apply it at every possible opportunity until it becomes a catch phrase between the two of you - they love that shit. Schtick, y'know? Code words. Inside jokes. Watch for them waiting for you to do the same thing tomorrow that you did today. For example, I once advised mine to borrow my umbrella because it was raining out. The next day, as she passed by my desk on her way to lunch, she asked if she should put on her coat or something. Caught me completely by surprise and I was thinking, like, what am I, the weather man? so I said something intelligent like, "Huh?" and she looked puzzled. We had constant disconnects like that until I realized she wants the same thing every time, every day.
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
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Hilarious [MENTION=5723]Tiltyred[/MENTION] :bored:
 

SpankyMcFly

Level 8 Propaganda Bot
Joined
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ISTJ certainly opens up well with alcohol. Works every time. The most important thing is that you establish rituals. Say hello and goodbye in a strange voice or something (srsly) every single day, or say the exact same thing every time you do a certain thing. Have the exact same conversation every time a certain topic comes up. Ritual, routine, predictability -- you can make it up out of nothing, as long as you are consistent. Remember some little quip they made and apply it at every possible opportunity until it becomes a catch phrase between the two of you - they love that shit. Schtick, y'know? Code words. Inside jokes. Watch for them waiting for you to do the same thing tomorrow that you did today. For example, I once advised mine to borrow my umbrella because it was raining out. The next day, as she passed by my desk on her way to lunch, she asked if she should put on her coat or something. Caught me completely by surprise and I was thinking, like, what am I, the weather man? so I said something intelligent like, "Huh?" and she looked puzzled. We had constant disconnects like that until I realized she wants the same thing every time, every day.

I work with an ISTJ and every time I see him for the first time in any given day I do my best Matrix Agent voice and call him "Mrrrr... (insert ISTJ name here, but drawn out)..." He really gets a kick out of this and responds in kind. Sometimes we seg way to other Matrix quotes, but not always. I think he likes the feeling that we are doing something sneaky that no one knows about but it isn't really anything "wrong".

You hit the nail on the head though about the routine/ritual thing.
 

Habba

New member
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Jul 22, 2008
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988
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ISTJ
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1w9
There was a time when we used to spend several minutes on rituals such as those whenever a friend called me (or I called him). And sometimes after the rituals were done, we hang up (and called again for the real conversation). That was just hilarious.
 

Cimarron

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Just to be clear, I was joking. :dry: Routine-speech like that bugs the crap out of me. And the only reason I do it at work is because of bad ISFP influences in my past, and now I'm stuck and can't get out of it. :ninja: But that's more because of the way it reminds me of him being around and the friendly atmosphere it created.
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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I love rituals!
 

Tiltyred

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I hate it a lot, but it works, so I do it. I do notice, though, the people who do that with her the most are the ones she bonds with the hardest.
 

/DG/

silentigata ano (profile)
Joined
Mar 19, 2009
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4,602
:peepwall:

It also depends on what you mean by open up.

1. Feeling comfortable to talk freely around others
I probably frustrate certain people with this in that I have on and off days. Some days I could chat it up for hours with totally random people while other days I regress into my afraid-to-talk-even-to-people-I-know mode. Sometimes I just have nothing to say, also. But the biggest thing here is that you have to make me feel welcome...repeatedly. It must be irritating on the other person's end, but if I don't get repeated assurance that this person likes talking to me in the first few times we meet, I'll probably not be comfortable around you because I don't want to overstep my boundaries. Even if this doesn't happen, I generally just feel more comfortable with people over time anyway.

2. Sharing private details
It's pretty simple. Tell me something private about yourself and I'll probably (not guaranteed though) do the same. Of course, the Internet is a completely different place where I always give TMI to anonymous strangers. If you guys look through my post history, you'll get to know aspects about me that no one IRL does.

I know this one probably applies to other ISTJ's...sometimes we just don't have anything to say! :)
 

Jstrazz

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88
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1. ISTJ's have inner private worlds for just that: to be private and inside of themselves. Without great introspective skills, ISTJ's do not know their true inner selves and spend time trying to figure themselves out, a process that enforces their privacy.
2. ISTJ's are not oblivious to tricks and ways of people trying to figure them out. If we even think there is a possibility that someone is trying to figure or draw us out of ourselves for their own satisfaction or a game, we shut them out.
3. Consistency is good. Reliability is a must: screw up once and you're out of the band. You need to be on time to things. Trust is not easily given by ISTJ's. As Mr. Darcy (INTJ) once said, " my opinion once lost is lost forever" (may not be completely accurate quote).
4. ISTJ's like purposes and meanings to be completely up front: tell them you want to get to know them. That is the only way. Tell them you want to learn more about them deeply. Then they will put you on the list of people they will potentially open up to. Then it is completely up to you and your actions. If you are someone who is reliable and trustworthy, you have a decent shot. They might give you something less meaty/juicy first to test you. Take it and keep it secure.
5. Be warned. If you fail, they will automatically cut you off from their trust, and relationships without trust have little use to ISTJ's, so you may lose part or all of your relationship with them.
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
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Aug 13, 2007
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ENTJ
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1. ISTJ's have inner private worlds for just that: to be private and inside of themselves. Without great introspective skills, ISTJ's do not know their true inner selves and spend time trying to figure themselves out, a process that enforces their privacy.
2. ISTJ's are not oblivious to tricks and ways of people trying to figure them out. If we even think there is a possibility that someone is trying to figure or draw us out of ourselves for their own satisfaction or a game, we shut them out.
3. Consistency is good. Reliability is a must: screw up once and you're out of the band. You need to be on time to things. Trust is not easily given by ISTJ's. As Mr. Darcy (INTJ) once said, " my opinion once lost is lost forever" (may not be completely accurate quote).
4. ISTJ's like purposes and meanings to be completely up front: tell them you want to get to know them. That is the only way. Tell them you want to learn more about them deeply. Then they will put you on the list of people they will potentially open up to. Then it is completely up to you and your actions. If you are someone who is reliable and trustworthy, you have a decent shot. They might give you something less meaty/juicy first to test you. Take it and keep it secure.
5. Be warned. If you fail, they will automatically cut you off from their trust, and relationships without trust have little use to ISTJ's, so you may lose part or all of your relationship with them.

and who would really want to be friends with you given this crappy ultra-demanding list? please. (I have ISTJ friends)
 

citizen cane

ornery ornithologist
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sp
They're not evasive, necessarily. You just have to get them to want to or see a reason to engage.
 
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