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Thread: Why why why are ISTJ sooooo evasive?

  1. #71


    It's taken me almost two years to establish that my mother's an ISTJ since I thought she was ISFJ (gender roles threw my investigation off). Typing my friend as ISTJ tipped me off to my mother's true type. Every ISTJ I'd met before has been abrasive and domineering. My friend and my mother are very reserved and gentle, they put on an image of being contained so it's difficult to recognise how wounded they are since they carry their burdens patiently. The title duty-fulfiller fits, they're bound to them and sacrifice their positions for others and, unlike ISFJs, you won't get passive-aggressive behaviour as a result (which is a virtue and a vice). They can be surprisingly passive with accepting these duties although when you question them, they emphasise obligation and commitment. In short, the flipped INFP - the silent martyrs. The word "duty" (encompassing terms and synonyms) doesn't exist in my dictionary.

    My friend confined in me that it was comforting to have someone to vent to however I noticed that she never complained about the duties that bothered her. I put the pieces together and realised she was sacrificing her career choice for her family but then I realised that she didn't seem to even know how unreasonable their expectations were because she was so wrapped up in responsibility and reliability. This is similar to my mother who's been caring for my ungrateful grandmother, when I tell my mother to confine in me, she'll only complain about trivial aspects. It took five years for her to discuss the issues she has with her mother even though she said she appreciated having an ear, she was still very cagey.

    ... I wonder if their guarded nature, caused by weakness in determining the trustworthiness of others, is the effect of inferior Ne? I notice INTJs are quick to grasp the virtuous nature of people and I think it's because Se is tangible (that inner ISFP).

    I'll have more thoughts to add later.

  2. #72
    Rainy Day Woman Array MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    Haha...yeah, I will admit this is a really hard thing to accomplish. First, it depends on how long you have known this particular ISTJ. If you've just met them, expect to be patient because we have to be really comfortable with someone before we open up. At least for me, (and I think ISTJ's in general) we are extremely selective as to who we let get close to us, and we will always observe from the get-go what we do and do not like about you. Above all though, you must be consistent! We don't care nearly as much about faults as we do consistency...we can certainly love you for being quirky, but we will run away from you for being "sketchy." I suppose the best advice I can give you is to make yourself in be around often, but not excessively. Like, somehow fit yourself into the ISTJ's weekly routine. Be positive, but witty and challenging at the same time.

    Once you've broken into their bubble, try and shake them up a bit by being a little spontaneous and trying something out of the ordinary. Although we are often perceived as stuffy, boring people who are married to our schedules we really do enjoy being challenged with something new every once in awhile. Personally, I love physical or outdoor activities...somewhere where it can be just the 2 of you sharing in a mutual makes things much more comfortable and therefore more conducive to deeper conversations. Start out small though, don't just be like, "So...tell me your deepest thoughts and desires." Hahaha, that would be like my worst nightmare.
    My mom is an ISTJ and this is amazingly accurate.
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  3. #73
    Senior Member Array BWCB1890's Avatar
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