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  1. #51
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Oh, I don't think it's so bad. I do think it's helpful though for people to figure their own selves out and also to wait until they've had a chance to develop a bit as adults. I wouldn't say my parents don't care deeply about each other. It's just that they're at an impasse. There are a lot more tools now out there than there were 50 years ago when they got married.

    I also think that some types are satisfied with a different level of intimacy than others. It's sometimes difficulty when you get one person for whom it means the world to with another person for whom it's less important.

  2. #52
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Oh, I don't think it's so bad. I do think it's helpful though for people to figure their own selves out and also to wait until they've had a chance to develop a bit as adults. I wouldn't say my parents don't care deeply about each other. It's just that they're at an impasse. There are a lot more tools now out there than there were 50 years ago when they got married.

    I also think that some types are satisfied with a different level of intimacy than others. It's sometimes difficulty when you get one person for whom it means the world to with another person for whom it's less important.

    As an older adult, I can now recognize a lot of great things my dad brings to the relationship that not just everyone has. I think when I was younger I just assumed those things, plus some of the things on my wishlist. It doesn't really work that way. Every type has strengths and corresponding flip sides.

  3. #53
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think I'm actually pretty open. I am somewhat confused though as to why you have targeted me in particular as an object of study.
    Well, you present walls of text that present you as a well balanced nice person. So should I take you at face value or be a little suspicious?

  4. #54
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I know lots of well-balanced nice people. Why be suspicious unless someone gives you reason to feel you ought to be?

  5. #55
    Aquaria mrcockburn's Avatar
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    Become a tax collector. That's the only way they'll open up.
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  6. #56
    Member Jstrazz's Avatar
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    @Mole maybe keep the observation and analyzing in a more private setting with just you and @fidelia . I've found it's not best to judge or question someone when he or she is sharing something this personal.
    Regardless, guys, ISTJ's are the most private MBTI type. They are great for practical care, but if we're going to be completely frank, if you're looking for someone to grow close to and deep with, look elsewhere. My mother and I are both ISTJ's and we connect through mutual trust. If you confide in an ISTJ, it will make them more comfortable (not entirely) with you in the arena of trust. Keep persisting: sometimes ISTJ's will put on a facade, but secretly they wish that someone would keep pushing and eventually breach the high, solid walls that surround their inner souls. @fidelia , that is most unfortunate that you feel you have not had the connection with your father that you wish you had. I would tell him that, make him feel more accountable. This may sound negative but it's not. You are entitled to your feelings and he should, because of his internal sense of duty, put forth more effort to fulfill those needs a little more. Just give him the peace of mind to know that you are someone who will appreciate his candidness should he open up at all to you and that you are a trustworthy person.

  7. #57
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I know lots of well-balanced nice people. Why be suspicious unless someone gives you reason to feel you ought to be?
    Well, I dance around Fidelia. She seems so nice, it's as though I am holding my breath.

    Daring not to breath, I open my eyes wide to see what I might see.

    I might see myself reflected in Fidelia, or I might look through the reflection into the deep pond that's Fidelia.

  8. #58
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I don't see my ISTJ dad engaging with anyone. He observes in a social setting and hangs around, but doesn't expend much energy asking the other person about themselves ... I think he is lonely, but from what I can see doesn't want to expend the energy it would take to get to know any of us better.
    Sounds like where I am now. Except I'm not married. I generally am totally open to getting to know people, but I keep hoping they'll do all the "heavy lifting" of expending social energy, initiating, and I'll fill in the gaps with responses. Additionally, been working on giving what I call "extra information," which I don't instinctively give in conversation because I think "who cares?", but it's kind of needed to keep conversation going, so there you go.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  9. #59
    Senior Member tkae.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I know. I guess my main hesitation when there is talk (not just your post, but a generalized assumption around here) that S's are kind of empty or blank inside, not having a rich inner world or deep self, etc. can suggest a kind of elitism. Even if an Sensor doesn't value fostering an inner imaginative world, being confronted with a feeling of exclusion is not typically pleasant.
    I think you're nit picking. I think, being an INFx, you know exactly what they were talking about, but are choosing to take issue with it because of how it might appear to Sensors instead of based on any actual misunderstanding.

    Moving on, I agree that xSTJs don't have internal depth that the OP is looking for. By definition, xSTJs don't have the functions that send them into autopsy over every emotion they feel about everything from the color of the neighbor's mailbox to the heat index of the BBQ they went to last Thursday.

    xSTJs are very functional and practical. When they feel emotions, they very often shelve them in favor of going on with their day, accomplishing what it is that's on their agenda. In older posts I've seen, ISTJs list on average one or two moments that were truly emotionally overwhelming, often commenting that they don't see a reason to stop what they're doing just because they have a sudden emotion.

    So of course when you probe them for their deep analysis of their emotional situation, it isn't there.

    "How are you?"
    "Fine."
    "You don't seem fine. Are you sad?"
    "Yeah."
    "Then you're not fine."
    "I'm not sick, so nothing to complain about."
    "Why are you sad?"
    "Because... chemicals in the brain?"
    "Not knowing how near the truth is, we seek it far away." -Ekaku Hakuin
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  10. #60
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Although you could say that less frequent moments of deep, powerful emotion make them feel more powerful when they do happen. In theory.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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