• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Are ISFJs very affectionate?

KarenParker

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
319
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7
And also, what do you personally consider to be "very affectionate"?
 

NewEra

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2008
Messages
3,104
MBTI Type
I
I asked people here to type a person I know (Person #1 in that thread). I thought she was ISTJ, but most of the replies said ISFJ. If that's the case (if she's ISFJ), then no, she's not affectionate at all.
 

Grungemouse

Widdles in your cream.
Joined
Feb 5, 2008
Messages
577
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5
I'm sure they're affectionate in their own ISFJ way, but no, I wouldn't say they were. But then again, the adjective is a very subjective term, so everyone has their own definition of it. My own definition would be someone who affectionately teases me, enjoys hand-holding and spontaneous cuddles. I'm not sure that's very characteristic of an ISFJ, so by my own personal definition, they aren't.

Right now, my ISFJ and I are at the "shy" stage, so I'll let you know what happens once we progress. :)
 

Samvega

Buddhist Misanthrope
Joined
Dec 11, 2007
Messages
1,073
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w8
I can't say there is anything to be coined here as an ISFJ trait, I think leading Si makes for some ease of being stuck in the past. As such, I can't say that I know many healthy ISFJs and wouldn't be able to peg any single trait to them short of lacking autonomy and having troubles with self awareness and personal growth.

This may sound harsh but I can truly say I don't know one single healthy ISFJ though I would love to meet one and sort out the dynamic and what one would be like as most I know are either bitter or very bitter.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
And also, what do you personally consider to be "very affectionate"?

ESFJ's are very affectionate .. Examples -
PDA .. a must.
Cuddling up on the sofa watching a movie.
Very touchy feely - head/shoulder massages etc
I enjoyed just sitting and stroking his hand.
Nothing better than making love whilst looking into his soul, bodies entwined.
"Sigh"

Do i sound like a true romantic or what .. hmmm .. lol
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
Joined
Apr 20, 2009
Messages
757
MBTI Type
DEAD
Enneagram
1w2
Bitter who me?? LOL

I'm too forgetful and forgiving to hold on to grudges. In the moment I just need my few moments alone and then all is great in life.
 

Saslou

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2009
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
ESFJ
I can't say that I know many healthy ISFJs and wouldn't be able to peg any single trait to them short of lacking autonomy and having troubles with self awareness and personal growth.

This may sound harsh but I can truly say I don't know one single healthy ISFJ though I would love to meet one and sort out the dynamic and what one would be like as most I know are either bitter or very bitter.

How many ISFJ's are on this site? I assume most took the test and use this site as a place to strengthen their weaknesses thus becoming more self aware.

Bitter .. I am grinding the axe and preparing the freezer i have in my basement for another body.

:run:

Edit - i have neither an axe nor basement, so don't be too frightened ;)
 

d@v3

Perfect Gentleman! =D
Joined
Nov 20, 2008
Messages
2,830
MBTI Type
ISTJ
^ But you have a freezer... :peepwall:

Does it generally take the ISFJ's a really long time to warm up to people before they are "affectionate"? And are they only "affectionate" with certain people? :huh:
 

illume

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2007
Messages
89
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w3
Er-um.... NO! My ISFJ male friend scolded me a couple of weeks ago for hugging him. (You know how we ENFP's are with all of our touching and hugging and such!! Damn us!!:hug:) In private I might add. And I can tell he seriously likes it. He is just so damn inhibited. I think ISFJ's have some pretty serious hang-ups about a lot of things.
 

substitute

New member
Joined
May 27, 2007
Messages
4,601
MBTI Type
ENTP
IME it depends hugely on whether they're the "down to earth, jumpers with snowmen on and cute penguin slippers" type (in which case yes), or the "snooty, designer junkie, better-than-you, in-your-dreams" type (in which case no). My sister's the latter kind of ISFJ, but I've got a friend who's the former type. What I like about her is that she's able to respect the fact that I'm not a physically demonstrative person and that sorta thing makes me feel uncomfortable, but yet she very successfully finds other ways to communicate affection, through her very warm personality. I find it amazing how she's so opposite to my sister, who seems pretty cold and just snooty, yet they're both definitely ISFJ's.
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
My ISFJ boyfriend:

Hugs hello and goodbye when it's someone he hasn't seen in a while, otherwise just smiles and waves and greets people outside the house, escorting them in.

Always hugs or kisses me hi or bye. :D

When we were first together, used to come up behind and hug and kiss me (like if I was cooking or something), but not really anymore.

When he is particularly happy with me (pretty often) he says sweet things like, "You're the best, I love you!" and tells me what I'm good at (like, "You're the best at making pizza!") that is followed by a smooch and a hand squeeze or hug if I'm standing near him.

When we were first together (first 6-8 months) he always held my hand when we walked and mostly we put our arms around each other (even going to the store) but now we just hold hands sometimes, and he'll put his arm around me occasionally.

He doesn't like to make out without it leading "somewhere" hehe...

If I do something he considers really good (like we went to his Aunt's for Thanksgiving last year and I tried to get to know all his relatives and played poker with them) he asked me if I wanted to get some air and then we walked outside and he told me, really lovingly and seriously, how I was the best girl and the only one for him and how great it was that I made treating his family well a priority.

So, generally, not that affectionate/emotionally demonstrative, but he is very loving at the same time with words and such. Also, when he DOES give me a hand squeeze or say something nice to me, it holds special meaning and makes my day because I know how hard it is for him to express his feelings and I know how sincere it is.
 

spirilis

Senior Membrane
Joined
Jul 5, 2007
Messages
2,687
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Hm. Kinda curious about this one too, at least for the females.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
it holds special meaning and makes my day because I know how hard it is for him to express his feelings and I know how sincere it is.

so this relates back to that thread i made about Fs sometimes being just as bad as T's at emotional intelligence and expressing feelings... what is the point of being F if you dont show your F!!!???
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
so this relates back to that thread i made about Fs sometimes being just as bad as T's at emotional intelligence and expressing feelings... what is the point of being F if you dont show your F!!!???

Good question. What IS the point? Everyone FEELS, but Fs supposedly make decisions with F, not T, is that right? Or am I missing something?
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Good question. What IS the point? Everyone FEELS, but Fs supposedly make decisions with F, not T, is that right? Or am I missing something?

exaclty, what is the point? if they arent any better at F than the T's, then why wouldnt we just call F's broken T's? :D :newwink:








im just kidding :hug: .....slightly ;)
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
My roommate's g/f seems to keep him happy even though they haven't gone all the way yet.
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
Joined
Aug 2, 2008
Messages
5,290
MBTI Type
INfp
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Good question. What IS the point? Everyone FEELS, but Fs supposedly make decisions with F, not T, is that right? Or am I missing something?

F means we are subjective, personal, and value based. It makes sense that Fs tend to be more emotional, because someone with very strong emotions is going to be most comfortable letting that aspect of their nature do the brunt work in making decisions. It doesn't mean we are good with expressing emotion, though.

Likewise, Ts will often be less emotional. Their lack of overpowering emotion gives logic a better chance of stepping forward and making the final call. However, some Ts can be pretty emotional (some of the moodiest, angriest, and warmest people I know are Ts) . If a T can't acknowledge their own emotions, the emotions will taint their decisions and they won't be capable of noticing it.

Both Ts and Fs are fully capable of letting emotions get in the way of making smart decisions. It takes great maturity, regardless of T or F, to handle emotions in healthy ways.
 

Snow Turtle

New member
Joined
May 28, 2007
Messages
1,335
I don't think I'm very affectionate physically. That's why like INFJs, I can be perceived as cold and stotic, while inside I'm warm. My display of warmth are shown through caring words and actions, rather than large displays of emotions.

It's a good indicator in telling who knows you well, and who knows you shallowly. Those that assume I'm a loner and like to be on my own severely misunderstand me, but then again I can't exactly blame them since I spoken to them before.
 

KarenParker

New member
Joined
Mar 3, 2009
Messages
319
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
7
I'm really surprised by everyone's responses. The ISFJ I am thinking of is very affectionate with me but it might be that he is doing that out of a sense of duty because I told him it's my favorite thing in the world. Not duty in the sense that it's a chore he hates doing but duty in the sense that he gets enjoyment out of taking care of me. I just hope it doesn't go away...

I know a highly unhealthy ISFJ and she is extremely needy with her children but not affectionate with them because she doesn't want to "burden" them. But really what it is, is that she gets off on the suffering. How is it that I've never gotten along better with anyone as good as the ISFJ in the paragraph above but I've never not along so poorly with someone as bad as the ISFJ in this paragraph?! Healthiness makes all the difference in the world!
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
I'm really surprised by everyone's responses. The ISFJ I am thinking of is very affectionate with me but it might be that he is doing that out of a sense of duty because I told him it's my favorite thing in the world. Not duty in the sense that it's a chore he hates doing but duty in the sense that he gets enjoyment out of taking care of me. I just hope it doesn't go away...

I know a highly unhealthy ISFJ and she is extremely needy with her children but not affectionate with them because she doesn't want to "burden" them. But really what it is, is that she gets off on the suffering. How is it that I've never gotten along better with anyone as good as the ISFJ in the paragraph above but I've never not along so poorly with someone as bad as the ISFJ in this paragraph?! Healthiness makes all the difference in the world!


Sure person #1 is ISFJ?
 
Top