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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Wow .. she must be one stubborn son of a gun .. just persevere with her and continue to send the emails .. maybe she is just to knackered .. Someone sent me an email in December and it wasn't until March that i replied .. i was busy but also i didn't want to email her back as then i would have to face my problems and i really didn't want to do that ..

    Good luck xx
    Hmm. Is it possible she won't be ready to fix our relationship (all she has to do is say hi and I would gracefully act like she wasn't ever mad) until she's not so busy? I know she's super stressed and has been for some time. She's a pastry cook and works ridiculous long hours with almost no time off.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qre:us View Post
    You may be now seen as unpredictable to her, in which unpredictability = unaccountability. And, for her, it might be hard to wrap up trust in unpredictability, by the very nature of what it is. So, she's letting her emotions fuel her stubborn righteousness, holding on to the hurt allows her to manifest it in ways that could then hurt you....so you may understand the hurt you've caused her. (all this, not as conclusive, but, how she may view things). My best friend, ESFJ, can be very fickle, but, only because she doesn't like letting others down, so she over-commits, and then has to back out. However, she abhors fickleness in intimate relationships, she wants to be very clear on where she stands, in terms of another's feelings for her. And, when a person crosses that line, in her mind, her hurt is very deep and often times, rather than deal with the situation...she rather not deal with the person. Her emotions overwhelm her sometimes, so she retreats. And, finally, changes, life changes, changes in people close to her (which affects, in indirect ways, her own life), are hard to handle for my friend, esp. when she only gets to be 'privy' of the changes at the end. Like she was left out because the other doesn't care to include her. I'd say you try to reach out to her, consistently, not allow her to push you guys away, and every time you reach, add in what makes you twos relationship 'special' to you...give her grounding of the old/the familiar. And, if you can think up of a way, try to make up for the quilting project. Maybe each month mailing the quilt back and forth until finished? To show her your new life (and love) are not replacing the old?


    Btw, the dish turned out pretty good, and since the mom was there, we added chicken. AND, the whole family was able to ingest it without making funny faces. I'd say that's success.
    Well THAT's good (about the dish) -- you know, it was a VERY simple practice dish -- not a gourmet delight haha...

    As for my cousin, what makes it especially hard is that we grew up living in the same house 50% of the time, like sisters, and there is no one in the world that makes us laugh like the other (we have individually said this of our own accord to other people many times).

    She's five years younger, and as she was growing up in a bad family with many troubles I would take her everywhere in my car, let her hang out with all my older friends, expose her to good music, etc. So I feel very loving/protective towards her and could never be so mad at her as to cut her off, no matter what. I wish I could bitterly do the same to her, ignore her, as she is doing to me, to ease my sadness, but I CAN'T. I won't. She's my little sissy.

    Your idea is very good about continuing the communication, bringing up nostalgic memories. I think I will do that.

    Part of her anger, also, might be due to the fact that she told me NOT to move away with this guy but I didn't listen to her advice and I know she doesn't like that. Another thing is that she has never been in love (has had a few lame boyfriends so far) but I am in love, and this might be hard for her to watch without being able to have the love she wants for herself as well.

    *sigh*

  3. #23
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maliafee View Post
    Hmm. Is it possible she won't be ready to fix our relationship (all she has to do is say hi and I would gracefully act like she wasn't ever mad) until she's not so busy? I know she's super stressed and has been for some time. She's a pastry cook and works ridiculous long hours with almost no time off.
    Oh yes we are most definitely fixers and doers but i think Qre:us may of nailed it on the head .. i can relate to all of that .. even if it does sadden me to see it in black and white.

    I hope you are able to find a way to restore your relationship.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by saslou View Post
    Oh yes we are most definitely fixers and doers but i think Qre:us may of nailed it on the head .. i can relate to all of that .. even if it does sadden me to see it in black and white.

    I hope you are able to find a way to restore your relationship.
    Well thanks for all the help. I really love her and miss her terribly. The other day I tried to instant message her and she finally replied that she was "taking off"... I went in the kitchen and felt so bad, and I kept cooking without paying attention to it until I finally asked myself, "Why do you feel like this? What are you feeling?" And I realized I was terribly sad and started to cry. Ugh...

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