[MBTI General] ISFJ & ENFP?

[kiddykat]

I have a friend who wants to set me up with someone she dated almost a decade ago. I think it's weird to date an friend's ex, so I told her, "No." Then she sets me up with him anyway..

To make a long story short- my gut's telling me "let's just be friends- and maybe he's a player." My friend tells me I'm very guarded (I know I'm not). This guy seems cool, but he made a comment about me not giving him a kiss after dinner? I was kinda disturbed by this, because most guys should be polite about that and not expect. What does he think I am?

Then I go to his house and the place is spick and span, and he was avidly watching FOX news which scared the shit out of me.

So, should I trust myself with this ISFJ dude, or am I trippin? He says he wants us to work out, but i keep telling him, "I don't want to disrespect my friend like that." Then he says, "But it was 8 years ago." Is he being shady? I told him, "That's the thing.. we met b4 when u 2 were going out. I feel like it's wrong." What do you guys think?

 

[jenocyde]

If he's cool with it and she initiated it, then it shouldn't be a problem for you. Unless you are concerned about the "ick" factor. But that's all in your head. I'm sure he's showered over the past 8 years.

Or are you more weirded out that a friend will have intimate knowledge of your potential boyfriend?

I don't know if he's trustworthy, that can only be discovered over time. Why did they break up anyway?

 

[kiddykat]

There is a definite 'ick' factor that I can't get out of my mind. I know my friend has trust issues.. so I'm guessing maybe it's one of her tests? She's ENTJ (confirmed).

At the same time.. he's really pursuing it, so that is why I question whether or not he's the trustworthy type or not? I like a guy who's loyal, and even though I appreciate his forwardness, it makes me question whether or not he's a player type- bc I like nice guys.

They supposedly broke up amicably.. but I question that.

 

[jenocyde]

Oh yeah, I hear ya. I don't like people who play games and if she's a gameplayer, then it may not be worth your while.

It seems like you are not even into this guy, so why bother wasting his time or yours? There are too many other complicated romantic situations out there to be dealing with one so close to home. Just keep on truckin'.

 

[violaine]

How do you feel about him though?

I would be weirded out if my friend had been with him first. Admittedly, I strongly like my boyfriend all to myself in that respect. I wouldn't date a friend's ex. I once dated an acquaintance's ex. She ended up making things difficult. It took me a long time to feel comfortable that they had had a relationship first as she was constantly reminding me and the people we knew in common of intimate details. Creepy.

Seems like two issues. That the guy is potentially untrustworthy and that he dated your friend first. Unless I already really liked him I would probably cross it off the list. If I really liked him I guess I would try find a way to deal with it. Not sure I could until a long time had passed. Sounds like potential problems with your friend too... That would make me feel weird and possibly competitive.

 

[Edgar]

So, should I trust myself with this ISFJ dude, or am I trippin?

You are trippin.

Let me know if you have any other questions.

 

[Wild horses]

TBH there are as Sanveane several issues here, one being that this guy is your friends ex which may or may not be a problem for you depends on your relationship with her and her relationship with him... As for everything else, from what you've said he doesn't sound shady to me.... Haven't had much experience of ISFJ amles BUT.... as for the house been spick and span now that my friend is a different story.. Definite NONO!! Does he also file his nails??

 

[Edgar]

as for the house been spick and span now that my friend is a different story.. Definite NONO!!

I'd say that easily more than 80% of all SJs are down right OCD about cleaning their house. So I don't know why you consider that a deal breaker for an SJ, because those two things practically go hand in hand together.

Aren't you a self proclaimed ISTJ connoisseur? You should know these things.

 

[Wild horses]

You have a good memory... that's troublesome especially seens as I am not good at being held to my word... Yes I do agree SJs have a OCD thing going on and I always find it annoying!! Hence my quest for the perfect SJ continues with dirty nails and the wind in his hair

(Hence I have decided it actually an INTP I should turn my easily distracted attentions to )

 

[Edgar]

You have a good memory... that's troublesome especially seens as I am not good at being held to my word... Yes I do agree SJs have a OCD thing going on and I always find it annoying!! Hence my quest for the perfect SJ continues with dirty nails and the wind in his hair

(Hence I have decided it actually an INTP I should turn my easily distracted attentions to )

Wow, man... well alright then, good luck with your search. Try not to walk into a fan, or eat any crayons while you're at it.

 

[kiddykat]

That the guy is potentially untrustworthy and that he dated your friend first. Unless I already really liked him I would probably cross it off the list.

Okay.. after much thought (and my stomach not feeling too good as I feel she's hurting right now).. I think:
#1. My ENTJ friend is a good person (muy bueno). She has a good heart. I know.
2. Given the situation- in my cosmic ENFP mind? I think it's NOT meant to be. I already told him so. If it were, then things would've already worked out in the 1st place.
3. In the past, we had a guy who cheated on both of us by dating us 2 at the same time. He was from another school (H.S.) so.. after finding that out.. We were both like 'scumbag.' (not really- he just likes multiple women?<---- that kind of guy).
4. I have a feeling she still really likes him A LOT- hence, her feeling distrust for him liking me in that way? I think she is in denial, as much as she doesn't want to admit.


5.

T as for the house been spick and span now that my friend is a different story.. Definite NONO!! Does he also file his nails??

Yeah.. I mean, he even had his sponge bottle cleaning thing properly rested upright in the sink. OMG. The whole place felt like an office.

I think ISFJs may be cute.. He's a cool guy, but my hunch is tellin me "No. I gotta say No. No. No."

Lastly, I can't hurt anyone.. So, I'll just play it off. I think they're good people probably stuck in the wrong situation.. probably not thinking straight.

So- thanks guys. Don't know why I even posted under the SJ section. Should've been elsewhere.. See? It's the P kickin in!

 

[violaine]

...Lastly, I can't hurt anyone.. So, I'll just play it off. I think they're good people probably stuck in the wrong situation.. probably not thinking straight.

So- thanks guys. Don't know why I even posted under the SJ section. Should've been elsewhere.. See? It's the P kickin in!

Aww, that is lovely. Good luck with it!

 

[Wild horses]

Wow, man... well alright then, good luck with your search. Try not to walk into a fan, or eat any crayons while you're at it.

MMMMM Yea love you too Edgar....

PS Wows don't suit you



*Wild horses wonders if purple crayons have more E numbers??*

 

[Hexis]

Personally I say, from experience, that ENFP with SJs of any type in an intimate relationship is complete disaster. Especially with an ISFJ.

 

[Wild horses]

Yea lots of people agree with you Hexis... and I don't really know why... I don't think it is a complete disaster as long as the two people involved give eachother space and enjoy their differences

 

[d@v3]

Yea lots of people agree with you Hexis... and I don't really know why... I don't think it is a complete disaster as long as the two people involved give eachother space and enjoy their differences

I don't think it's a complete disaster either, as long as you have the same values and you both WANT it to work. Right Wild?

 

[Wild horses]

It COULD work that's all I'm saying...

 

[Hexis]

Ive dated three SJs, two of which where ISFJ and both I became very intimate with. All ended in utter disaster for the same reasons.

I felt smothered. Never had my alone time. My life was no longer "mine" it was "OURS", that I hate the most. Everything became "we" or "us", and completely stopped being "I". They wanted a committed, long-term, PERMANENT relationship from the start and I just got to know them...

Now the above might not seem so bad to you SJs, but depriving an ENFP of there individuality is blasphemy and will end with you haveing a shattered heart...among other boken things.

And on second note, even when the relationship is healthy and going good. An SJ still can not seem to provided the right amount of stimulation and emotion for an ENFP. The two ISFJs i dated were both too horrible when it came to dealing with there emotions. Their highs were insanely high and chaotic and their lows...well WERE ALWAYS THERE EVEN DURING HIGHS!

The third who I dated for about 3 months and tried becomeing romantic with failed quickly. She was either an ESTJ or ISTJ, an SJ minus the F has such a lack of understanding of their emotions that only the most mature and stable will be able to even provide "A" sense of emotional feedback. Not saying that yall dont have it. Just saying that the emotional depth of a 3 year old ENFP compared that of a full grown ESTJ or ISTJ is like comparing the grand canyon one of the pores in my skin...

I really dont understand what is with this "epidemic" of male ISTJs on here being completely head over hills for every single one of the female ENFPs on the boards. An intimate relationship between an ENFP and an ISTJ would take SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much work that even the ENFP would give up half way through...

No offense to anyone on here and that wasnt targeting you Dave, your not the only one I see doing it...all the time.

 

[Clownmaster]

Personal experience on multiple accounts. Unless someone can provide something more solid than that, I think Hexis wins the thread.

And all relationships come with a "your results may vary" disclaimer

 

[Wild horses]

LOLOLOLOL Ok I do totally get the whole 'we' and 'us' thing that totally drives me up the wall too... you can have my house and the keys to my car (If I had any to give ) but never my freedom *Wish I had a braveheart scottish stylee accent at this point, would be so cool* Anyways, And yes the highs and lows thing I have a female ISFJ that literally has toddler style lows where she has literally stamped her feet But I just think that sometimes the positive outweigh the negatives... However, I do note that it may be easier if the guy is SJ and female is NF ( not hard and fast rule) It's just the couples I have seen work have been this way around