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[ISFJ] Are there any ISFJ's here that are at peace with themselves

Saslou

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Feb 1, 2009
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I'm still new to all this so it is a learning curve for me .. but can anyone answer this question for me?

I mentioned in another thread that i seem to be at extremes all the time ..

I love life one minute then despise it the next.
I'm a go getter one minute then i hide from the world when i don't like what's happening.
Life doesn't grind me down until something really bad happens and then i go to my own personal hell.
I know i deserve better from people who have hurt me but i will criticize myself for all my wrong doings.
I am a great person with a good personality but i can rip myself to shreds.

I am 30 years old now and i know i am so damn emotional although i can be logical as well .. In the past i have tried to i suppose you could say fix myself, but i don't know where to start .. i feel like such a complex person .. its like the xmas lights, you have to find the bulb at the end of the line to work your way through the mess ..i have just bookmarked the page on weakness so i will try and work though the list. I hope i am not boring anyone here and no i am not looking for sympathy just a little honesty.. Just hoping someone will tell me they are in a happy place with themselves ..

Thank you ..
 

maliafee

Active member
Joined
Feb 10, 2009
Messages
1,127
My boyfriend is an ISFJ, and truly a wonderful person.

I've noticed that even though he has everything going for him and his friends and family love him, etc., he still has such high personal standards that he is constantly getting disappointed with himself. I notice he is happiest when he allows himself days off and time to unwind without ANY obligations, but after he has accomplished all he's supposed to. This is hard to fully achieve, though.

I think for ISFJs it's a life-long thing to be dissatisfied because that is partly what drives the amazing work ethic. I'm sorry for your frustration, though. :(
 

Giggly

No moss growing on me
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Jun 12, 2008
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You're not alone in what you're feeling, saslou, and I'm sure there are many happy ISFJs, but more importantly, you can be happy. You're not a bad person for what you're feeling either and it seems like a pretty complicated matter, especially considering your circumstances. Also, there are people in the world who are nicer than your ex husband was.
 

Saslou

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Feb 1, 2009
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Thank you for your replies ..

Maybe then it isn't particular types that make people feel the way they do but life experiences both good and bad .. Good to know anyway
 

Snow Turtle

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May 28, 2007
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1,335
No. I'm not fully at peace with myself, but I'm working on the whole self-acceptance thing since I do think that's the way forward with life.

Goes to show diversity. I'm the opposite spectrum in some ways, I don't really experience highs or lows however I do fluctuate from the middle. In this manner I'll be down but never down enough to experience anything drastic if that makes sense.
 

countrygirl

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Jan 7, 2009
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722
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Try this web site The Personality Page. I found the personal growth section helpful in understanding myself better. It also helped me look at my weakness and not to be so hard on myself. :)
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
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Apr 20, 2009
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First off, Hi

Hope I am not intruding, but since it was directed at ISFj I thought well I'll give it a go. :D

I for the most part am at peace with myself, but I might be a bit out of my surroundings. Sometimes I have to wonder if that feeling is from the situation or some inner workings going on..

Could it be that you are over-extending yourself?
 

Saslou

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First off, Hi

Hope I am not intruding, but since it was directed at ISFj I thought well I'll give it a go. :D

I for the most part am at peace with myself, but I might be a bit out of my surroundings. Sometimes I have to wonder if that feeling is from the situation or some inner workings going on..

Could it be that you are over-extending yourself?

Maybe i am .. I love all the advice given and it is something i would say to others .. maybe my whole belief system on love/marriage is/was just an illusion .. why else do so many people divorce .. There has never been balance in my life .. i don't know why i can't allow myself to be happy, i never have been .. or if i am, i will find some criticism to put me back firmly in my place ..
I want my inner peace .. i want to be happy .. i just can't find it .. i am always at extremes .. and i dont stop thinking .. 3 hours sleep this morning and you would think i am knackered .. NO .. and i am still thinking.
My father told me "Sarah, you couldn't write a book about your life and have people believe it is a true story" .. At what point do i get my happy ever after?? I try and convince myself with false truths so i feel better, then unfortunately the real truth comes like a bull in a tea shop and that's it .. hell bent personal destruction .. I know i need to give myself time to heal but life seems to have a way of giving me the raw deal with everything .. I dont like playing the victim in anything, but why is it that i always feel like i am being punished .. I keep on trying to focus on something/anything so i stop thinking and that feels good .. but thats my fantasy world where noone gets hurt and is my little utopia .. but it isn't healthy ..
I just have to accept that come May 1st .. he starts his new chapter and finds happiness .. I may just need a little help finding mine ..
 

Eiddy

Pronounced eye-ee-dee
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Yeah sweetie, it's hard when we look for happiness outside of ourselves because then our happiness lies in the hands of another.

I think what has helped me to overcome this situation I had faced before in life, is that I have noticed even more so lately. Most of the women I look up too are older, divorced or widowed AND it seems to me that they have the most personal freedom and happiness. Although my husband is great doesn't ask for anything and doesn't do anything. hehehe I somehow find this solitude and peace in life, with these women who seem to have it all (not power or money). :D

There were a lot more factors that helped me to move on past the depression. But I hate to bore you with information overload.. Sending you my warmest wishes that you find what you need within.

I am now on another inner quest for meaning in my life.. Sometimes these things run around like the seasons. Crazy cabin fever! :doh:
 

Eiddy

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Oh about happiness and hell bent on destroying it. That was a biggie for me before too.

Then one day I decided I deserve to be happy and I quit looking for that grey cloud that seemed to lurk around every corner.

You deserve it too.

A little suggestion if I may. Take 5 minutes everyday just to do something you love, just for yourself. Reminding yourself that you deserve this and the thinking well I had listened a lot to Eckhart Tollie for quite awhile on Oprah.com downloaded the MP3's to my computer and transferred to my MP3 player as I went and came from work. Meditation works wonders, if I can sit still long enough.

Ok enough of me rambling..... Hope to keep in touch.. ~hugs~
 

Saslou

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Oh about happiness and hell bent on destroying it. That was a biggie for me before too.

Then one day I decided I deserve to be happy and I quit looking for that grey cloud that seemed to lurk around every corner.

You deserve it too.

A little suggestion if I may. Take 5 minutes everyday just to do something you love, just for yourself. Reminding yourself that you deserve this and the thinking well I had listened a lot to Eckhart Tollie for quite awhile on Oprah.com downloaded the MP3's to my computer and transferred to my MP3 player as I went and came from work. Meditation works wonders, if I can sit still long enough.

Ok enough of me rambling..... Hope to keep in touch.. ~hugs~

I have just joined this site at a emotional time .. I have never had my heart broken before (not bad for 30yrs old) and i am going to get a divorce .. All expectations have gone out of the window .. As my doctor told me yesterday "Getting a divorce is so stressful, you need to mourn .. You just have extra to deal with, you will not be living in another country, your plans have now changed due to someone else" .. i liked her brutal honesty but jeez love .. could of worded it a little different ..

I do stop and smell the flowers every now and again .. and just BE .. Its just a process that i am unable to push .. i just need to deal with it and take each day as it comes .. Maybe i was meant to go through hell so i could find some peace within myself .. Who knows .. But i feel great today (sleeping tablets) .. and i got myself a haircut .. HE didnt like me having short hair, so i got it cut really short today because i liked it .. It is liberating ..

From every bad comes some good .. I believe i deserve some happiness and not in the form of love or a man .. but Sarah happiness ..
 

Eiddy

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Yes exactly.. love takes time to heal when your feeling so bad ~Whitney

I was devastated after my first divorce, but I have to tell ya. Every time I see a man, abuse or negative. I thank God everyday for helping me get over him and finally when he wished he could come back. I knew that for me it was totally over. Oh about the God part I am spiritual, but never religious.

I think when we can see ourselves, driving down the Pacific highway with a dog in the back of a Red Jeep driving off into the sunset. That is freedom and happiness. :D
 

Saslou

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Yes exactly.. love takes time to heal when your feeling so bad ~Whitney

I was devastated after my first divorce, but I have to tell ya. Every time I see a man, abuse or negative. I thank God everyday for helping me get over him and finally when he wished he could come back. I knew that for me it was totally over. Oh about the God part I am spiritual, but never religious.

I think when we can see ourselves, driving down the Pacific highway with a dog in the back of a Red Jeep driving off into the sunset. That is freedom and happiness. :D

I understand what you are saying .. i also am a spiritual person although not religious .. I suppose you have to accept the bad so you can truly appreciate the good .. The red jeep driving off in the sunset, now that does sound like happiness and true freedom .. Ahhhhh .. Thank you for your honesty ..
 

Eiddy

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Yikes I meant abusive. There is one thing I have noticed lately at least here in Egypt. It seems everyone always has this thing about girls and their goals should be (1) get married and (2) to have kids. Someone mentioned to my 10 year old about her being a good wife when she grows up, since she made donuts and went with me to work.

I told him "Nah, she doesn't want to grow up and just get married. She wants to have a career, car, money in the bank and a chance to see the world before settling down." By that time she should be able to read characters better hopefully. :)

I have even told my husband if ever anything happens to him (crossing fingers it doesn't) that I will not tie myself down to a man, just to care for him. I have enough kids as it is and don't need to be bothered waking up to feed, clean and care for another, just for him to keep a tight leash on me. Yeah, I know it's probably a pretty negative view on relationships (men), but I don't think I will find another person who knows how to make me happy as the one I have. ESFp. No demands and cooks. :D

If there is one thing I have noticed in life; we usually get what we expect. I didn't expect much with him, only happiness. Expectations after that are pretty much nil. Guess I have to come up with some new goals, because life seems to become pretty stagnant sometimes.

Ok I am rambling, think I will go to try to beat my score in the arcade instead of bore you to death, but just maybe (and I am hoping here) that you ramble too. :D now is there another color than green smiles?
 
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