Oh about happiness and hell bent on destroying it. That was a biggie for me before too.
Then one day I decided I deserve to be happy and I quit looking for that grey cloud that seemed to lurk around every corner.
You deserve it too.
A little suggestion if I may. Take 5 minutes everyday just to do something you love, just for yourself. Reminding yourself that you deserve this and the thinking well I had listened a lot to Eckhart Tollie for quite awhile on Oprah.com downloaded the MP3's to my computer and transferred to my MP3 player as I went and came from work. Meditation works wonders, if I can sit still long enough.
Ok enough of me rambling..... Hope to keep in touch.. ~hugs~