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  1. #1
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    Default Help? INFP communicating to SFJ's

    I realize I'm being somewhat vague here, but I would really appreciate any general suggestions you might have that relate to a current situation of mine.

    I am "moving on" in my life and withdrawing from a religious organization that I've been closely involved with for many years, working alongside a family member (ISFJ) and former close friend from school (ESFJ). They are both distraught/confused about my decision, and want to meet with me to discuss it, etc. etc.

    They both have very strong views and a mindset that holds tightly to tradition, and they expect others to be the same way. Does anyone have advice on how I might (least offensively) explain that I feel my decision and the change itself is a positive step for me personally? I think I would describe it as "finding myself" and "embracing change and new things" but I have a feeling those phrases will not go over so well.

    I am expecting to be told what I "should" do. In the past, I've had a hard time explaining to them that I feel it's a violation of people's personal rights when someone gives commands and tells others what personal decisions they should make. Is there a better way I could say this that might be more clear or make more sense to an SFJ type?

    I understand that we'll just have to disagree (and it's ultimately my decision what I do, anyway) but if there's a way to at least promote understanding and common ground, I'd like to try to find it.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Well... It's going to be personal since it's attached to their identity. You are essentially rejecting a part of themselves.

    Think the best method is to focus on how the organisation is making you feel, and how you can't be there anymore. Basically appeal to their sympathy.
    Depending on whether you still believe in the underlying messages given. You can relax them somewhat by telling you aren't completely rejecting everything being taught.

    To be honest if they really understood. They'd realise that it's not about the organisation.

  3. #3
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Solving a problem in any form of relation rests on all parties involved. Do what you can to mend it without giving in and hope the other parties involved do the same on a bases of mutual respect.

    If all fails, take comfort in knowing you tried and don't fall to regrets.

    Hope it all works out nonetheless.

  4. #4
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    I think I would describe it as "finding myself" and "embracing change and new things" but I have a feeling those phrases will not go over so well.
    Yeah, probably not. Hah.

    You might be able to appeal to their sense of responsibility by somehow convincing them that you feel you need to focus on other responsibilities/priorities in your life. A xSFJ probably won't understand you withdrawing to "find yourself," but they would understand any sense of duty or responsibility you have to other areas of your life or other people.

    Or you could, like Kai said, appeal to their sympathies. However, in my experience, the first would work better.
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  5. #5
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    Thanks for your help. I find all three responses very useful.

  6. #6
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    My apologies for arriving a bit late. I was in a similar boat as you. Being one of very few I's in a sea full of E's. When I lost my interst I simply stopped participating. I even got a second job so that I would have a ready-made excuse. I simply kept my thoughts and opinions to myself. I did not have the energy to fight with anyone in regards to my decision so I simply kept myself busy with other tasks instead of anything regarding church. If they did not like it, that was not my problem. I understand. I was not close to anyone in the church that I was involved in so it was very easy for me to leave. But because you are somewhat close to people who are involved, I suggest for you to draw your boundaries very clearly. I suggest to keep it simple but blunt. Don't leave room for negotations, compromises, discussions, persuasions, or listening to anyone's thoughts or feelings in regards to your decision. ...and be prepared to abrubtly walk away if it comes down to it (in other words, if they simply cannot accept the fact that you are leaving and that your reasons are your own and really none of their business). Sometimes we need to show others that we mean business because words aren't enough.

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