[ISTJ] How not to pursue an ISTJ

[SavMandu]

How not to pursue me:
- Lie to me
- Tell me my interests are stupid or boring, and enlist others to help mock me.
- Make me your project.
- Tell me where we're going to move now that we've been dating for three weeks.
- Make our relationship conditional.

All of these are, unfortunately, based on the school of hard knocks. And, no, I'm not bitter...

 

[Donna Cecilia]

How not to pursue me:
- Lie to me
- Tell me my interests are stupid or boring, and enlist others to help mock me.
- Make me your project.
- Tell me where we're going to move now that we've been dating for three weeks.
- Make our relationship conditional.

All of these are, unfortunately, based on the school of hard knocks. And, no, I'm not bitter...

Of course you are not. I attended the same school.

 

[SavMandu]

Of course you are not. I attended the same school.

 

[raz]

I never understood why people apply so much morality to lying. Either you're unreliable or you're not.

 

[rav3n]

This song kind of explains what did work (not deliberate) with an ex from way back, who's an ISTJ. Everyone else knew before we succumbed. So just do the reverse to turn one off.

Give Them Something to Talk About

People are talkin', talkin' about people
I hear them whisper, you won't believe it
(Ah ha)
They think we're lovers kept under covers
(Ooh hoo)
I just ignore it, they keep sayin'

Laugh just a little too loud
(A little too loud)
Stand just a little too close
(Too close)
Stare just a little too long
Maybe they're seein', somethin' we don't darlin'

Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about
(Somethin' to talk about)
Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about
(Somethin' to talk about)
I want a little somethin' to talk about
I want your love
(Love love love love)

Well I feel so foolish, I've never noticed that
(Ah ha)
Baby you're actin' so nervous like you're fallin'
(Ah ha)
It took a rumor to make me wonder
(Ooh hoo)
Now I'm convinced that they're goin' under

An I think 'bout you everyday
(Everyday)
Dreamin' 'bout you every night
(Every night)
Hopin' that you feel the same way
Now that we know it, let's really show it baby
(Darlin')

When you come there'll be somethin' to talk about
(Somethin' to talk about)
A little mystery to figure out
(Somethin' to talk about)
I want you somethin' to talk about
I want your love
(Love love love love)

Give 'em something to talk about, babe
I got some mystery, Why don't you just figure out?
Let's give them somethin' to talk about
How about love?
(Love love love love)

Ooh hoo let's give 'em somethin'
(Somethin' to talk about)
Hey a mystery won't hurt
(Somethin' to talk about)
There is somethin' to talk about
How about love? Alright
(Love love love love)

(Somethin' to talk about)
(Somethin' to talk about)
(Love love love love)

 

[SavMandu]

I never understood why people apply so much morality to lying. Either you're unreliable or you're not.

Lying is the first sign of unreliability.

 

[tkae.]

I stole this idea from dave. Basically all of the things not to do when going after an ISTJ. All of the things that would scare them away.

I'd have to say, around the time of first meeting each other:

Trying to get me to laugh a lot.

Trying to get me to smile a lot.

Seriously?

Me not getting people to smile or laugh even if I'm not trying to flirt with them is chalked up as a personal failure on my part. If I don't have evidence that I've left a person feeling better than they were before I had social interaction with them, I feel guilty about it for days

Asking me what's bothering me.

Damn you SJs

Even with my ESFJ mom I have this trouble. If you guys wouldn't always be focusing so hard on stuff, I wouldn't ask what was bothering you. I'm I have a very low emotional threshold, and you even feeling tired affects me emotionally.

So I always ask what's wrong because something's always wrong enough for me to ask. I can't help that I can always tell when something's wrong with you. So just answer the question and I'll only have to ask once

Telling me to loosen up.

I don't think I'd ever tell someone to loosen up until after I'd already pursued them. Like, if I'd first met you and you were really tense, I'd just think you were having a bad day. But if we were out on a date and had gone to see a funny movie, and you were just sitting there like

then I'd probably either 1.) ask you what was wrong or 2.) tell you to loosen up if you could prove to me that there wasn't anything wrong.

I wouldn't say it to you unless I had a reason to say it, though :blushing:

Be too keen or forward. I'll be the judge of whether I want you or not...

Hah, yeah, that won't be a problem

<--- gets told by stage-frightened children that he's too timid

Be really drunk and neanderthalesque.

Again, that's not a problem; I don't drink, and I act more like an 8 year old than a neanderthal

Start a conversation about sport, or refer to sport in any way.

Is this a type-wide thing? Because I thought ISTJs were the ones who were always up to date on football team information and all that other "traditional" stuff?

Make it really clear that your main objective is getting laid, and helpfully hint at the proximity of your flat.

... w-what?

I don't even...

There's no way in hell I'd ever be that forward about sex :blushing:

If anything, I'd just want a quiet night cuddling and watching a movie

Sports isn't an instant turn off but it bores me to death usually. I prefer to play them.

I've heard that a lot from ISTJs. I've never understood why though...

When it takes an ENFP to give out the tough love, you know you have a problem.

True dat!

 

[raz]

Seriously?

Me not getting people to smile or laugh even if I'm not trying to flirt with them is chalked up as a personal failure on my part. If I don't have evidence that I've left a person feeling better than they were before I had social interaction with them, I feel guilty about it for days

If I know you're just trying to spark a random conversation to make me laugh or smile, I just...shrug it off, or give vague answers. I just have little patience for small talk. To me, talking about things right in front of us with the intent to spark a conversation shows that you're not sincerely interested in me, but just merely having a conversation. I'm not interested in that.

Damn you SJs

Even with my ESFJ mom I have this trouble. If you guys wouldn't always be focusing so hard on stuff, I wouldn't ask what was bothering you. I'm I have a very low emotional threshold, and you even feeling tired affects me emotionally.

So I always ask what's wrong because something's always wrong enough for me to ask. I can't help that I can always tell when something's wrong with you. So just answer the question and I'll only have to ask once

To me, that seems selfish. You're asking us what's wrong because you're feeling it? So you're really just trying to quell your own feelings. Sometimes, like an SJ, we don't WANT to answer it. If something is bothering us, we want a solution, not a hug.

I don't think I'd ever tell someone to loosen up until after I'd already pursued them. Like, if I'd first met you and you were really tense, I'd just think you were having a bad day. But if we were out on a date and had gone to see a funny movie, and you were just sitting there like

then I'd probably either 1.) ask you what was wrong or 2.) tell you to loosen up if you could prove to me that there wasn't anything wrong.

If I went to a movie on a date, and it was hilarious, yeah, I'd be pointing out the funny stuff. I've told people to loosen up if I feel like they're being too uptight and it seems unnecessary for the situation.

I wouldn't say it to you unless I had a reason to say it, though :blushing:





Is this a type-wide thing? Because I thought ISTJs were the ones who were always up to date on football team information and all that other "traditional" stuff?
I can't stand sports. The fact that the majority of the people I encounter daily seem obsessed with it frustrates me. It feels like a city-wide clique. I've just never been interested in watching sports, only playing them.


... w-what?

I don't even...

There's no way in hell I'd ever be that forward about sex :blushing:

If anything, I'd just want a quiet night cuddling and watching a movie
I don't know....if a fairly attractive friend that was a girl came up to me and said, "Do you want to make out/have sex?" I really wouldn't think twice. I'd only have a problem if I didn't or barely knew the person.


I've heard that a lot from ISTJs. I've never understood why though...

Because personal interaction is plenty more entertaining than watching a screen. I watch sports.....Pokemon league competitions in the anime.

 

[tkae.]

If I know you're just trying to spark a random conversation to make me laugh or smile, I just...shrug it off, or give vague answers. I just have little patience for small talk. To me, talking about things right in front of us with the intent to spark a conversation shows that you're not sincerely interested in me, but just merely having a conversation. I'm not interested in that.

What else should I talk to you about though?

I mean, I guess we could talk about favorite colors or the growing trend of credit spending in 21st century Western governments...

or favorite colors

But we have to talk about something! Conversation is the primary way humans communicate, and it's the only way they communicate at the level of relationship we'd be at if we meet one day in the library or something.

Unless you just want me to walk up and snog you to get the point across.

you want an enfp for that though

*cough*

To me, that seems selfish. You're asking us what's wrong because you're feeling it? So you're really just trying to quell your own feelings. Sometimes, like an SJ, we don't WANT to answer it. If something is bothering us, we want a solution, not a hug.

I can see where you're coming from seeing it as selfishness. But the major flaw in that is that 1.) it's not possible to quell an emotion (if you're an INFP), you just learn to deal with the emotions head on. So it'd be more to convert the bad feelings into positive feelings. And 2.) if I didn't legitimately want you to feel better, I wouldn't care if you felt bad. In fact, there's a few people who I enjoy seeing miserable. INFP can't just blink emotions away, and quite often we get sour emotions that make us feel like shit. It's like popping a boner or something. You just get used to it.

But seeing someone I don't like feeling bad is rare, and I tend to take a happy amount of schadenfreude out of it

So I do legitimately care about you and want you to feel better. And yeah, it's parasitic in a way since making you feel better would satisfy my altruistic nature and make me feel better in return. But I could feel better doing many other things, so the care and concern is still there

And I would give you solutions, but every type offers something different. ISTJs are the ones who offer solutions, and INFPs are the one who offer hugs

If I went to a movie on a date, and it was hilarious, yeah, I'd be pointing out the funny stuff. I've told people to loosen up if I feel like they're being too uptight and it seems unnecessary for the situation.

Well, so there are no major differences in opinion. It'd come down to detailed sorts of things, like where I'd want to lighten the mood during a very heated conversation to diffuse the tension. I suppose if an ISTJ friend was one of the two people arguing they'd think I was stabbing them in the back, but it's really just that I hate conflict. Unless I'm actually involved in the conflict, I want it to be negotiated out through diplomacy.

I can't stand sports. The fact that the majority of the people I encounter daily seem obsessed with it frustrates me. It feels like a city-wide clique. I've just never been interested in watching sports, only playing them.

Gah, I know that feeling

I was never really a sports people. I'm still not, except for a certain few events (US Open Tennis Tournament, Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest, etc). But I don't keep up with that sort of stuff beyond what's necessary to know what's going during those.

I do love the Olympics though.

Looooooove eet

That's just a childhood thing though.

I don't know....if a fairly attractive friend that was a girl came up to me and said, "Do you want to make out/have sex?" I really wouldn't think twice. I'd only have a problem if I didn't or barely knew the person.

I'd never do it as a one night stand, and definitely not with a friend. Too much emotional investment for me :blushing:

Would you still do it even if there was someone you were developing the chance of a relationship with?

Because personal interaction is plenty more entertaining than watching a screen. I watch sports.....Pokemon league competitions in the anime.

I guess that makes sense. I like to daydream though, and actually doing stuff is like bursting my daydream bubble

 

[IZthe411]

ISTJs like small talk- If there is a purpose. Generally if we don't know you, we are less inclined to do it. But we do small talk. If the girl is hot, we will talk.

Recently I've been more receptive to small talk with strangers- initiating it as well as being receptive to it.

 

[raz]

Small talk with someone doing something related to what I'm doing isn't that difficult. Though, getting the small talk going with the hot girl sitting behind or in front of me is harder. I just hate having a conversation for the sake of having a conversation. It just doesn't make sense to me, and 99% of the time, if I do do it, it's to try to kill some awkwardness.

 

[IZthe411]

Small talk with someone doing something related to what I'm doing isn't that difficult. Though, getting the small talk going with the hot girl sitting behind or in front of me is harder. I just hate having a conversation for the sake of having a conversation. It just doesn't make sense to me, and 99% of the time, if I do do it, it's to try to kill some awkwardness.

Maybe it's an age thing...or even experience. I just find that having a conversation for the sake of having it is meaningful. It's the basis for establishing some level of relation to another human being. As an introvert it can be hard to do sometimes.

 

[raz]

What else should I talk to you about though?

I mean, I guess we could talk about favorite colors or the growing trend of credit spending in 21st century Western governments...

or favorite colors

But we have to talk about something! Conversation is the primary way humans communicate, and it's the only way they communicate at the level of relationship we'd be at if we meet one day in the library or something.

Unless you just want me to walk up and snog you to get the point across.

you want an enfp for that though


*cough*



Snogging might work! It's situational with the small talk thing. I do small talk all day at work because it's with coworkers I've known for 3 years. When I meet a new person, the chances of them staying in my life for an extended amount of time is unreliable, so I tend to not give that much information upfront. Though, sometimes, I just clam up just to annoy them to show how stupid their small talk is. Just get to the point already!

If you want to have a light conversation that goes nowhere, then just get away from me. Like I said, I want someone that sparks a conversation to talk about something specific or to talk to me sincerely. I don't want a conversation for a conversation.

I can see where you're coming from seeing it as selfishness. But the major flaw in that is that 1.) it's not possible to quell an emotion (if you're an INFP), you just learn to deal with the emotions head on. So it'd be more to convert the bad feelings into positive feelings. And 2.) if I didn't legitimately want you to feel better, I wouldn't care if you felt bad. In fact, there's a few people who I enjoy seeing miserable. INFP can't just blink emotions away, and quite often we get sour emotions that make us feel like shit. It's like popping a boner or something. You just get used to it.

I still have those emotions, I just process them on my own, and seek out ways to interpret and process the external and internal events, then be done with it.

But seeing someone I don't like feeling bad is rare, and I tend to take a happy amount of schadenfreude out of it

YouTube Schadenfreude from Avenue Q

So I do legitimately care about you and want you to feel better. And yeah, it's parasitic in a way since making you feel better would satisfy my altruistic nature and make me feel better in return. But I could feel better doing many other things, so the care and concern is still there

And I would give you solutions, but every type offers something different. ISTJs are the ones who offer solutions, and INFPs are the one who offer hugs



Well, so there are no major differences in opinion. It'd come down to detailed sorts of things, like where I'd want to lighten the mood during a very heated conversation to diffuse the tension. I suppose if an ISTJ friend was one of the two people arguing they'd think I was stabbing them in the back, but it's really just that I hate conflict. Unless I'm actually involved in the conflict, I want it to be negotiated out through diplomacy.



Gah, I know that feeling

I was never really a sports people. I'm still not, except for a certain few events (US Open Tennis Tournament, Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest, etc). But I don't keep up with that sort of stuff beyond what's necessary to know what's going during those.

I do love the Olympics though.

Looooooove eet

That's just a childhood thing though.



I'd never do it as a one night stand, and definitely not with a friend. Too much emotional investment for me :blushing:

Would you still do it even if there was someone you were developing the chance of a relationship with?

I'd still do it. Whichever came first. A chance is not guaranteed. No commitment = no reason to hold back.


I guess that makes sense. I like to daydream though, and actually doing stuff is like bursting my daydream bubble

 

[raz]

Maybe it's an age thing...or even experience. I just find that having a conversation for the sake of having it is meaningful. It's the basis for establishing some level of relation to another human being. As an introvert it can be hard to do sometimes.

Or personal preference or situational. I can do small talk sometimes, but most of the time, like I said, it's almost as if it's happening to fill a void in which the two of us would rather be doing something more meaningful to eachother than the other person, which in itself just shows a lack of sincerity.

 

[IZthe411]

Or personal preference or situational. I can do small talk sometimes, but most of the time, like I said, it's almost as if it's happening to fill a void in which the two of us would rather be doing something more meaningful to eachother than the other person, which in itself just shows a lack of sincerity.

Or Ne.

But I got what you are saying man.