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  1. #1
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Default How does one go about wooing an ISTJ? (and other questions)

    Note: All of these questions are regarding a male ISTJ, in case it makes any difference.


    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others? (In regards to a romantic relationship.)

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?

    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?

    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?

    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings? If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?

    There is a very long and complicated story that goes with all of these questions, but I didn't think anyone would want to read all of it, so I just bring you many questions. Sorry for all of the text, but any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ^ I think a woman strong in her values, what she considers right and wrong and sticking close to that, etc. is a point that has seemed valuable for them.
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  3. #3
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    ^ I think a woman strong in her values, what she considers right and wrong and sticking close to that, etc. is a point that has seemed valuable for them.
    Oh yay, I think I've got that one down pretty well already... C:

  4. #4
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    As someone who's attracted an ISTJ or two, I'll try and answer this...but I'm sure the ISTJs here can give you better answers.

    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others? (In regards to a romantic relationship.)
    Understanding, I think. People who listen to them, and take what they say into consideration, stand out to them.

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?
    In my experience, not much. (But I'm sure they want someone who can decently take care of their appearance.)

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    Um...not well at first? Depends on who's unrequited. If it's them, not well, but if it's someone else? I can't answer that.

    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?
    I think everyone worries about that, but as for the ISTJs I know, a major yes to all of the above.

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?
    Mm, toughie, I can't answer that. Sorry!

    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?
    Sounds about right.

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?
    Depends on the ISTJ, again, but usually yes.

    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings?
    Um, uh, well, hm. I don't think ISTJs would lie, but I don't think they like to hurt people, either. They're very trustworthy, though, so I don't think one would say yes to a date unless they felt that person was someone they wanted to date. They take their romantic partners seriously. But I can't really say.

    There is a very long and complicated story that goes with all of these questions, but I didn't think anyone would want to read all of it, so I just bring you many questions. Sorry for all of the text, but any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!
    Gosh, there's always a complicated story, isn't there? Good luck, and I'm sorry that I had to give you my half-baked answers--I'm just a poor INFP trying to probe the minds of the ISTJs she knows. It's out of my league, haha.

    EDIT: And I second what Kyuuei said!

  5. #5
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    Um...not well at first? Depends on who's unrequited. If it's them, not well, but if it's someone else? I can't answer that.
    Sorry, I meant if it's them. (Although if it's someone else would be nice to know too...) Thank you for all of your helpful answers, they weren't half-baked at all! C:

  6. #6
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Tell them you like how they've organised their record collection.

  7. #7
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Oh boy. I'll give it a shot.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    It's difficult to let go and move on, if we're talking about love.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?
    I might not notice, but if I do, yes. I wouldn't go and embarrass her or something once I realize she's being shy. Probably try to give her a little more space, even (I don't know).
    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?
    I could see it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?
    That sounds like a very big deal. I can show a little concern for most people in general, but *genuine* concern I think is a noticeable difference. For people I care about, I give them my full attention and try to make sure they know it. This is even stronger when I like someone.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited)?
    Personally, I don't think I could do it--but it could vary from person to person. I'd feel horrible letting down a friend, especially because I think of myself in her shoes, but I'd have to tell her "no."
    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?
    This is tricky. I never feel much of a need to flaunt a relationship, and I'm not much into public display of affection...maybe only a little. It's private stuff, just between her and me. Of course, this isn't the same as "hiding" a relationship, something which isn't a good sign, especially if he's still thinking about his unrequited love. Just make sure you can tell the difference.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 03-29-2009 at 09:05 PM. Reason: better format

  8. #8
    Senior Member Amira's Avatar
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    Note: All of these questions are regarding a male ISTJ, in case it makes any difference.
    Well, I'm a girl but I'll answer from my perspective and it might help a little...

    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others? (In regards to a romantic relationship.)
    Someone who takes life seriously but is also a happy person; someone who is interested in me!

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?
    Not very.

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    On my part, gah. Can't stand the feeling and that is one of the reason it takes me a LONG time to decide I can let myself like someone.

    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?
    Ha ha ha! That's me all right.

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?
    Of course. I like to try to put people at their ease. Being a girl myself, I don't usually have to help guys that way.

    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?
    Yeah, if I wasn't prepared and suddenly saw them, I'd be kind of confused and nervous.

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?
    Well, if I was always asking about how someone was doing emotionally, either they are a very good friend or something more.

    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings?
    Wouldn't do it.

    If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?
    I can't really imagine keeping a relationship secret.


    HTH a little!

  9. #9
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    All right, I'll do my best on these!

    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others?
    Loyalty, Honesty, Modesty, Caring, Empathetic, Sympathetic (to an extent)

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?
    From the romantic point of view? Well, this is going to sound shallow, but there has to be a physical attraction. BUT, that's not to say the physical attraction has to be there from the get go, I mean, I have been friends with a girl and then developed feelings and found her physically attractive after that.

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    It sucks, but eventually we figure out that it's not worth wasting our time on. It also depends on how we are rejected. If the person the ISTJ loves is warm and kind as opposed to inconsiderate of the ISTJ's feelings, then we can remain friends. Although, the friendship would probably seem distant with a high chance of tapering off.

    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?
    Depends on how much confidence we have. But I would say in general, yes, this is true. I find I have this problem too often and my thoughts overtake my confidence and I end up being too shy to talk to the person.

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?
    I think so? Assuming this is the individual I am interested in: It depends on the circumstance. If I felt it wouldn't compromise her feelings, I MIGHT say a joke or something to instigate laughter. If I do take this route, I will then shy away until she makes a move. If I do not take the instigator route, I will also be shy around her and probably do that smile and look away thing... you know, when I see her looking at me I will smile a little bit and look away shyly. It's embarassing, I don't like it, and I don't do it on purpose.

    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?
    Yes, I would be very nervous when greeting her and I would force myself to try to be extroverted... but overall, the shyness always wins. If she greeted first I would be shy as well. So either way, shyness wins.

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?
    I don't understand this question. Do you mean another person aside from the individual that the ISTJ is romantically interested in? If the ISTJ shows interest in you, and ONLY you, then that is very good. If the ISTJ shows interest equally with you and other girls, that is more than likely very bad.

    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings?
    This would be rare. If an ISTJ says yes, he is usually in it for the long run.

    If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?
    Yes, but not necessarily uncomfortable with YOU (in fact that would be very rare), but perhaps he is just uncomfortable with what other people within his social circle think about the two of you. Also, it is about privacy/security. The relationship is between myself and my lady friend and not really anyone else's business. Although I would NOT take extreme measures and go out of my way to keep it a secret, unless under certain cirumstances.

    The more details you post about your story, the more detailed answers you will get. Also, check out other threads you may find clues in them too.

  10. #10
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Probably try to give her a little more space, even (I don't know).
    Wow, really...? I had never even considered something like that... thank you for enlightening me.


    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    This is tricky. I never feel much of a need to flaunt a relationship, and I'm not much into public display of affection...maybe only a little. It's private stuff, just between her and me. Of course, this isn't the same as "hiding" a relationship, something which isn't a good sign, especially if he's still thinking about his unrequited love. Just make sure you can tell the difference.
    No, it's pretty much hiding. In this case, the girl he is, well, WAS dating (who was not me,) basically chose to disregard his wishes to keep the relationship a secret, and once the secret was out THEN he went along with PDA and all that. (Not really any PDA outside of holding hands, except for one time I quite accidentally stumbled upon the girl getting all lovey dovey with him and he looked vastly uncomfortable.)

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