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[ISTJ] How does one go about wooing an ISTJ? (and other questions)

raz

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Are you really going to take such a short impression as everything he has to say to you? I'd try to talk to him more, even if it's just to fortify the friendship. I can understand your response completely. Just give it more time.
 

d@v3

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Tea, you have not wasted our time at all! I am sorry that things did not work out. The only thing that you can do now is wait I'm afraid. Now that he knows how you feel, he may be considering his options, but nonetheless, he will want to stay being friends with you. :) I know how hard it is to be friends with someone who you love. :( So in a way, Costrin is right. If he does not come chasing after you, you should just distance yourself from him but it's up to you. If there are any other ISTJ questions don't be afraid to post it or PM me or another ISTJ. :)
 

FallaciaSonata

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I agree with D@v3. That's what we're here for. If you have any questions, by all means, fire away.
 

Bubbles

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Aaah, well, I hope this doesn't really disappoint everyone. :c

He DID continue to remind me, almost every day for a week. Somewhere in the middle of this he started dating the ENFP again. (Although one of my friends who has third period with him says he overheard him talking about her, and said that he went to her house/she went to his house sometime over the weekend and it was really "awkward," or something. He is not 100% sure about her, but he's still dating her. Again. I'm not trying to be hopeful, I am sincerely confused: why would an ISTJ do this?) When he reminded me after he started dating her again I had no idea what to do, I wasn't sure if I should tell him anymore because he was officially taken, so I just sort of froze and didn't say anything and he said, "okay... maybe later, then?" and I was like, "yeah." x_x
First of all, at least comfort yourself in the fact that you have good taste in guys. It's very chivalrous and kind of him to remember what was bothering you and to remind you that you wanted to talk about something important.

The next day he caught me and said, "heyyy, so we never had that talk," and I said in a voice that was most likely inaudible that I wasn't sure if I should tell him anymore. "You could write it down for me in a note," he said, and I asked if he was sure. And then he sort of didn't really look at me and said, "Well, I could probably GUESS... but it wouldn't be the same as you telling me." (To this, several of my female friends told me I should have asked him to guess, but it freaked me out so much that there was no way I could have been so quick on my feet verbally.) So I meeped and said okay. :U
Good call on your part, guessing games aren't really the best way to go. I mean, that makes what you want to say sort of trivial, and we can tell that it's way more important than that to you. Plus you don't get to say what you need to say.

I wrote him a short and apologetic note and tried my best to be as to-the-point as I could. It was basically just "I love you" and some explaining why I've acted the way I have, obviously I wasn't telling him to dump his girlfriend for me or anything. I gave it to him at the end of the day and he smiled and thanked me. I was horribly nervous.

The next day he greeted me like normal and was very friendly, and I was quite disappointed in myself for wincing and not really being able to look at him. And as he was leaving he looked over at me from the door and was like, "Oh. And I read your note....... yeah," making this weird face that I had never seen him make before that was sort of like a smile, but... not really? :/ I just looked at him with what I'm sure was truly pitiful face, and didn't say anything. And he walked out.
Okay, WHAT? That's it? Oh, that must drive you crazy. You poor thing, he doesn't even acknowledge the contents with coherent words? Uuuurgh. I'm sorry. You get hugs. :hug: But at least he still wants to be friends and is being kind to you about it. If this guy were a jerk (which he isn't, I can tell--plus you don't seem to be the sort to fall for the jerk species :D) he'd be all, "blahblahblah oh yeah this girl liked me can you believe it? I mean srsly, wtf?" I'm sorry, though. I mean, I know it still doesn't make things easier.

So that's the story. I am really glad that he still greeted me like normal, I hope we can still be friends. It would be so awful to loose him completely. :C I'm sorry if you guys feel like I have wasted your time! I do feel better, in a way, now that I have told him, (which I suppose is why he wanted me to tell him?) although it still hurts a lot. At the moment I am trying my best not to think about it too much, but I knew I had to post the results here. Knowing me, I will probably continue to still be in love with him for a while yet... and once I get over it I am sorely tempted to go back into my whole "I never want to be in love" mindset again, only this time ten times stronger. :c My ISTJ is very dear to me but I'm afraid he hasn't been very good for my poor little brain, especially considering that I am already somewhat prone to depression. :/ Romantic love is just not a good idea for someone like me.
Oh, Tea Party, no! Listen, I don't know you in real life, but from what you've posted you seem to be one of the sweetest people I've ever (never?) met. (I kind of want to befriend an ISFJ now thanks to you, to be honest. :blush:) I don't know if this guy will eventually fall for you instead of the ENFP--I mean, I'm not a mindreader or anything. But d@v3 and Costrin are right. Maybe you should take a little time to yourself. I'm not saying to shun the boy or anything, but remember to hang out with other friends, pamper yourself a bit. You are a sweet, sweet person. You haven't wasted our time at all! Just remember to hold your head high and enjoy life anyway, because in the long run, he's just one boy. One boy out of billions in this big old world. And even if he's not your boyfriend, he's a good friend, and you can never have too many of those. Just give it time.:yes:

Good luck, Tea! I'm not sure if this post said anything (I really need to more concise and less rambly), but I hope it helps. If you need to PM anyone, don't hesitate to talk to me--I've gone through what you have, twice, and I know it's not easy. Mad hugs! :hug::hug::hug:
 

Cimarron

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I don't know whether this really matters, but has he ever gotten a note from a girl before?

Back in high school, the first time I got a note, I wasn't sure how I was supposed to respond. Obviously, writing a note back would be really convenient: basic reciprocation, gives us privacy (but not always in the long run :dry:), easier to write my thoughts than to say them, etc. But back then, I had only ever heard of girls writing notes, so I wasn't sure whether it would be proper to write a note back, or whether it would be too girly. I ended up writing a note as a reply, and we exchanged a few more notes from then on. It did make the most sense, I guess, in hindsight.
 

Tea Party

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Are you really going to take such a short impression as everything he has to say to you?
Yes? xD He's dating the ENFP, now, so how else am supposed to interpret it? :c
 

Tea Party

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First of all, at least comfort yourself in the fact that you have good taste in guys. It's very chivalrous and kind of him to remember what was bothering you and to remind you that you wanted to talk about something important.
Oh yes, he is a very considerate person. C:


Okay, WHAT? That's it? Oh, that must drive you crazy. You poor thing, he doesn't even acknowledge the contents with coherent words? Uuuurgh. I'm sorry. You get hugs. :hug: But at least he still wants to be friends and is being kind to you about it. If this guy were a jerk (which he isn't, I can tell--plus you don't seem to be the sort to fall for the jerk species :D) he'd be all, "blahblahblah oh yeah this girl liked me can you believe it? I mean srsly, wtf?" I'm sorry, though. I mean, I know it still doesn't make things easier.
He is not very good with words... :c But he has been very kind and understanding. He still treats me the same way and I think is trying to make it clear to me the best way he can that he doesn't mind how I feel. It's a huge relief! :O (I hope he's not just doing it out of pity) I'm going to try my best to return his kindness and be a very good friend to him. c:


Oh, Tea Party, no! Listen, I don't know you in real life, but from what you've posted you seem to be one of the sweetest people I've ever (never?) met. (I kind of want to befriend an ISFJ now thanks to you, to be honest. :blush:) I don't know if this guy will eventually fall for you instead of the ENFP--I mean, I'm not a mindreader or anything. But d@v3 and Costrin are right. Maybe you should take a little time to yourself. I'm not saying to shun the boy or anything, but remember to hang out with other friends, pamper yourself a bit. You are a sweet, sweet person. You haven't wasted our time at all! Just remember to hold your head high and enjoy life anyway, because in the long run, he's just one boy. One boy out of billions in this big old world. And even if he's not your boyfriend, he's a good friend, and you can never have too many of those. Just give it time.:yes:
Thank you. C: Yes, I am doing my best to occupy myself with other things... and my friends help a lot, they have been very supportive of me through this whole thing. I think in the long run I will probably be fine.
 

Tea Party

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Thank you to everyone for your support. C: To those of you who think I shouldn't give up, don't worry... I will certainly be keeping my heart open to him for a long time still to come... (it is in fact much less painful to do so now that he knows) but I am going to try not to torture myself by holding especially high hopes.
 

raz

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Thank you to everyone for your support. C: To those of you who think I shouldn't give up, don't worry... I will certainly be keeping my heart open to him for a long time still to come... (it is in fact much less painful to do so now that he knows) but I am going to try not to torture myself by holding especially high hopes.

I just meant talk to him more. I didn't mean expect a date. Something like that requires more interaction to be seamless.
 

Tea Party

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I just meant talk to him more. I didn't mean expect a date. Something like that requires more interaction to be seamless.

I know. I don't really expect anything.... I'm just saying that I am not going to completely disregard him and try to move on immediately. If he magically changes his mind, that's great, but if we're just going to be friends, that's good too.
 

Costrin

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Gah. You make me wanna hug you. You appear nonjudgmental, naive, pure, and "sweet", as Bubbles put it. It's cute and alluring. Apologies if that's not how you wish to be seen, but I can't help it! So even if I can't give you a real hug, you can at least have a virtual one. :hug:

He is not very good with words... :c But he has been very kind and understanding. He still treats me the same way and I think is trying to make it clear to me the best way he can that he doesn't mind how I feel. It's a huge relief! :O (I hope he's not just doing it out of pity) I'm going to try my best to return his kindness and be a very good friend to him. c:

Thank you to everyone for your support. C: To those of you who think I shouldn't give up, don't worry... I will certainly be keeping my heart open to him for a long time still to come... (it is in fact much less painful to do so now that he knows) but I am going to try not to torture myself by holding especially high hopes.

I know. I don't really expect anything.... I'm just saying that I am not going to completely disregard him and try to move on immediately. If he magically changes his mind, that's great, but if we're just going to be friends, that's good too.

And now to totally ruin the mood with my cynicism. I know how much unrequited love can hurt, and even when there's literally zero chance of it ever happening, your mind and heart can still stubbornly cling and fantasize. It won't help if you consciously think of the small chance of it happening. I highly suggest distancing yourself from him, trying not to distract yourself when thoughts of him come up, and letting the attraction fade. Actually, now that I think of it, you may want to ask him directly if he thinks there's any chance of it happening. But even if he says yes, as long as he is still dating the ENFP, I'd continue keeping distance.

Well that's my thoughts.
 

Bubbles

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Gah. You make me wanna hug you. You appear nonjudgmental, naive, pure, and "sweet", as Bubbles put it. It's cute and alluring. Apologies if that's not how you wish to be seen, but I can't help it! So even if I can't give you a real hug, you can at least have a virtual one. :hug:

I second this. Everyone, group hug! :hug:

He is not very good with words... :c But he has been very kind and understanding. He still treats me the same way and I think is trying to make it clear to me the best way he can that he doesn't mind how I feel. It's a huge relief! :O (I hope he's not just doing it out of pity) I'm going to try my best to return his kindness and be a very good friend to him. c:
Ahh, I see. I doubt it's out of pity; you seem like someone people would like to hang out with regardless. :cheese: And he strikes me as a guy who would take this in a positive way, and want to be closer to you for it. Good guys are like that. :D

As long as your life hasn't stopped, liking him is fine if it's tempered a bit. Liking someone is fine until you make it blown out of proportion. If you don't dwell, though, and don't obsess, things will be fine. Liking someone is supposed to be a positive thing. Makes you happy inside. :wubbie: Just remind yourself you've done all you can and that it's all in his hands now, anyway. You've done your best! :hug:
 

Tea Party

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Aw, thanks for the hugs. C:

Distancing myself from him seems reasonable... (although not at all appealing) but how do I do that? I have first period with him and it's not like I can get a schedule change half-way through the semester. I also tend to see him after school because we both have practice for different teams in the same area. :/ Plus, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings! :c What should I do when he tries to talk to me?

I am doing my best to numb myself to the feeling, but it seems impossible. Even when I feel quite convinced that he would never feel the same way, I love him the same.

Liking someone is supposed to be a positive thing. Makes you happy inside. :wubbie:
I guess I missed that part. x_x
 

Costrin

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Aw, thanks for the hugs. C:

Your welcome. :)

Distancing myself from him seems reasonable... (although not at all appealing) but how do I do that? I have first period with him and it's not like I can get a schedule change half-way through the semester. I also tend to see him after school because we both have practice for different teams in the same area. :/

Well, even if you can't distance yourself physically, you could try and distance yourself mentally. When you catch yourself thinking of him, try and force yourself onto another thought. Eventually, the thoughts of him will slow down, and become weaker in their intensity.

Plus, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings! :c What should I do when he tries to talk to me?

His feelings are likely gonna be fine. More likely, he's afraid of hurting your feelings. If you told him you'd like some space, he would probably understand and honor that.

I guess I missed that part. x_x

Well, you're not alone at least. But I have faith that you'll achieve that state eventually.

imo
 

Bubbles

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Aw, thanks for the hugs. C:
Welcome. :hug:

I am doing my best to numb myself to the feeling, but it seems impossible. Even when I feel quite convinced that he would never feel the same way, I love him the same.
Take it from a girl who's been down this road. YES, it's hard. Sometimes almost impossible. And I know I'm a hypocrite because I hung onto feelings for a guy for, what, all my life until this year? (Don't judge, lol. Childhood sweetheart.) But I DID get over him. I realized, wait, this crush makes me feel miserable inside. When I fall for other guys, I feel light and fluffy. Why is it every time I bump into THIS one guy, I feel like hiding and crying?

So I forced myself to realize that he no longer liked me that way, and that in fact liking him too much had put a barrier between us. Suddenly I could let go. It made it EASIER to talk to him, and I realized that a crush that hurts isn't worth holding onto. (unless the guy decides to change his mind, then you go for it...)

I guess I missed that part. x_x
It takes time, but you'll get there. Promise. :hug:
 

Tea Party

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Thanks to both of you. C: I think I'm beginning to get a little bit better... or at least better at putting it out of mind.
 

raz

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Thanks to both of you. C: I think I'm beginning to get a little bit better... or at least better at putting it out of mind.

It's easy once you stop talking to them every 2 days.
 

d@v3

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Thanks to both of you. C: I think I'm beginning to get a little bit better... or at least better at putting it out of mind.

It's not that easy to put things out of mind... I wish I was like a Mac and I could drag my thoughts to a trash can. :)
 
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