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  1. #41
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    Better off as friends. Give me an ISFJ any day as a girlfriend.
    That's good news for Tea Party, anyway.

  2. #42
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    ISTJ- First and foremost make friends with them first. Dig in deeper as you get to know them and you get to trusting each other. Then it's all reliant on the individuals and who makes the moves. I would recommend the thread "How to NOT pursue an ISTJ" for more information. ISTJs will generally be too nice to tell you what their REAL needs are in fear of offending you at first (this is probably relative, but this is just my experience). But to get it out in the open THEY NEED DETAILS. Details are their forte, if you give them all of the details you have about anything they will be able do much more with the situation. They can help you more, they can be more useful. Intuitives, watch yourselves! Don't just leave them in the dark. Don't expect to get anywhere with them if you constantly leave them in the dark, in the end it's frustrating for both parties.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #43
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Well I was married to one, I have no idea why he gravitated towards me since eventually I became everything he hated in a woman and yet those were the things he loved best to start off with.



    According to my ex ISTJ "not very important, after all he was with me right" (his words)




    Depends who is the unrequited one, he always felt his love for me was more real than my love for him, so in his eyes his love for me was unrequited regardless of what I did to try to alleviate this worry. This made him paranoid and possessive and manishly violent to any competition.



    In my experience yes, from what I heard of his last relationships I wasn't the only one to bear the brunt of his paranoia in regards to whether I liked and loved him enough.

    I think honestly it was because he didn't understand "just feeling love" he wanted a graph or pie chart of all the things I loved about him, and I couldn't give him that because I "just feel" for no real reason.



    Yes, from what I have experienced the shyer the better, very understanding of shyness and very patient with it, if anything they find it endearing and very feminine (imho).



    Umm, no, not with my ex istj. He would not greet me enthusiastically just incase I got the wrong idea....ie that he cared more than he wanted to show (his words). If I greeted him enthusiastically he took it badly and would accuse me of being false because obviously I didn't love him enough to show great enthusiasm.



    I would say a pretty big deal, if you become a part of their concern, you are in.



    Not in my experience. My ex ISTJ had a friend who did love him alot, but he turned her down because she wasn't the right religion. I'm not sure if she had shown a willingness to convert whether or not he would have given it a go though.


    This is just my experience with an ISTJ, not all of them could be like this though.

    Yeah, your ex sounds like a bit of an 'extreme' character, in more ways than one.

  4. #44
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    That's good news for Tea Party, anyway.
    Yeah, I know I'm female but my ISFJ boyfriend is truly my perfect match. I think ISTJ-ISFJ is a great combination.

  5. #45
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    But to get it out in the open THEY NEED DETAILS. Details are their forte, if you give them all of the details you have about anything they will be able do much more with the situation. They can help you more, they can be more useful. Intuitives, watch yourselves! Don't just leave them in the dark. Don't expect to get anywhere with them if you constantly leave them in the dark, in the end it's frustrating for both parties.
    So true. Don't expect us to be mind readers.

  6. #46
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    ISTJ- First and foremost make friends with them first. Dig in deeper as you get to know them and you get to trusting each other. Then it's all reliant on the individuals and who makes the moves. I would recommend the thread "How to NOT pursue an ISTJ" for more information. ISTJs will generally be too nice to tell you what their REAL needs are in fear of offending you at first (this is probably relative, but this is just my experience). But to get it out in the open THEY NEED DETAILS. Details are their forte, if you give them all of the details you have about anything they will be able do much more with the situation. They can help you more, they can be more useful. Intuitives, watch yourselves! Don't just leave them in the dark. Don't expect to get anywhere with them if you constantly leave them in the dark, in the end it's frustrating for both parties.
    Sounds like a good general blueprint for forming a relationship, friendship, any bond with an ISTJ.

  7. #47
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow View Post
    Yeah, I know I'm female but my ISFJ boyfriend is truly my perfect match. I think ISTJ-ISFJ is a great combination.
    I think Dave and Cimarron think differently on the subject, but I'm really crazy about ISFJs. I can almost feel them out. I'm just so incredibly reserved, but I need someone who understands people, so ISFJs are a great match for me.


  8. #48
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Sounds like a good general blueprint for forming a relationship, friendship, any bond with an ISTJ.
    I'm glad I was accurate. You guys were pretty easy for me to figure out, and that is a good thing since I enjoy your company a great deal.

    EDIT: And by figure out I meant understand how you work. I think it was easy since we have the same functions and I found that was easy to relate to. Wasn't trying to imply you were simple people.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #49
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    Oh, he wasn't dating ME, haha. I am his supposed "unrequited love" in this case. (Except that it's not unrequited, I have loved him for a year.) I believe that he was interested in me at least at one point, but I was in denial for a long time and did not want to be in love, because I knew it would likely cause me a lot of emotional pain. (And it does!) :/ So my bashfulness mixed with my anxiety over dating essentially created an aloof demeanor that he interpreted as me disliking him, which I'm sure was of course very discouraging. (He once described it as being like "talking to a wall," which hurt me a lot, but probably not as much as it hurt him.) Then he started dating the other girl about six months ago, I was completely and utterly crushed (and honestly still continue to be.) But then he broke up with her, and he never stopped treating me the same way at any point.... so I'm trying to figure out if even now, after all this, he could possibly still be interested in me.
    Deary me, I think I would have reacted and felt the exact same way you have in this situation.

    This is why I think it's best to tell someone you like them as soon as possible upon meeting them in order to avoid the build up of greater amounts of anxiety. The longer you like someone but not tell them the more afraid you'll be to tell them. The only solution now is to tell him or forget about him. *gulp*

  10. #50
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Whoa, okay. I'm sorry I didn't have the time to respond to everyone yesterday, but I did get to read all of your awesome posts which were so, so helpful, and I was all encouraged and determined to be friendly the next time I saw him and everything, but... well, I probably should've mentioned this earlier.

    His friend/the girl he was dating (an ENFP, meep) is still interested in him, and is apparently still trying to win him back. This causes a vast and terrible mix of emotions in me, but they basically all sum up to me feeling horribly sick whenever I see her or think about her (this is of course multiplied tenfold when she is with my ISTJ.) I am extremely paranoid about them getting back together, and it's always really hard to tell whether or not they have because they have remained close friends, and she likes to flirt with him (which he doesn't seem to discourage, but I am not sure if this is because he doesn't mind or because he is simply not receptive to it.) She has a huge advantage over me, a, being an ENFP and therefor naturally more compatible, and b, being able to talk to him whenever she wants to without feeling nervous. (This I am WILDLY and exceedingly jealous of.)
    And like I said, I was really ready to talk to him today. But she was there. She doesn't have our first period (I'm afraid that this is a high school situation... which I'm sure has everyone rolling their eyes, I'm sorry) but she was there... waiting for him. (It's an elective period, so it's sort of permissible for random kids to just come and hang around.) He was uncharacteristically late today, but she went up to him once he arrived and was all "woo" and I was all "kill me." And it was kind of like that.

    But besides the primary emotion I feel for her, which I will concede is hate (I tried really hard at first not to hate her, but... I just can't help it) she also fills me with the most painful sort of guilt and empathy, because I know exactly how she feels (assuming that she actually loves him and is not just infatuated) and somehow, even though I can't stand her, I feel like if one of us should suffer through the excruciating pain of unrequited love, it should be me. I can't help but immediately come to this conclusion and back down, even though I know it is ultimately the ISTJ's choice! D: And then there is of course the guilt that comes from hating a perfectly nice person... it's awful.

    She asked him to go to this dance with her (it's a formal dance that I guess you could say is kind of specific to our school? It's not the prom or anything but it's about as important.) and he said yes, so.... I feel horribly discouraged and just generally sick. I know this is in the SJ forum, but does anyone know how hard it is for an ENFP to get over unrequited love? Is it as hard as it is for an ISFJ? Do you guys think I actually have any serious competition with her, considering that he was the one to end their relationship? :c

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