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  1. #11
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amira View Post
    HTH a little!
    :0

    What?

  2. #12
    Senior Member Eagle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    Note: All of these questions are regarding a male ISTJ, in case it makes any difference.


    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others? (In regards to a romantic relationship.)
    Loyalty, Good Sense, Fun Loving, Modesty, Honesty, Caring, Empathetic, Flirtatious?

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?
    Yes, physical attraction is important. Now, since what's attractive varies from person to person.

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    Yes, from the if the ISTJ's love is unrequited sucks. Odds are any relationship will deteriorate into nothingness.


    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?
    Varies from person to person. Who doesn't have those thoughts at some point? I can see how an ISTJ's thoughts overwhelm their courage, but that's not always the case, some are more open, others are not.

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?
    I would say yes for the most part. Some might even find it attractive. It depends on the circumstances and the individual.

    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?
    Enthusiasm... Depends on the person, but most would at least force themselves to be somewhat extroverted. Shyness is probably going to occur if the ISTJ is greeted. They also will probably be thrown off guard.

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?
    Yes, you and only you is very good. You more so then others is good. You and others is ok, but not good.

    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings? If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?
    Yes, in it for the long run indeed. I can see how this might occur, but saying no typically isn't very hard for many ISTJs. If it is there is at least some feelings of care and probably attraction.

    There is a very long and complicated story that goes with all of these questions, but I didn't think anyone would want to read all of it, so I just bring you many questions. Sorry for all of the text, but any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
    So, there. Hopefully that is somewhat helpful in conjunction with the rest of the comments from ISTJs. I'm willing to read the story and offer advice if you want it or need it. PM me or what not.
    - Caleb

    "I am what I need to be..."

    "Nemo me impune lacessit - No one provokes me with impunity."

  3. #13
    Senior Member uberrogo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    Note: All of these questions are regarding a male ISTJ, in case it makes any difference.


    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others? (In regards to a romantic relationship.)
    I gravitate towards anyone who gives me romantic attention - unfortuantely.

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?
    I like pretty faces. Below average bodies are acceptable. I think short hair is a sign of laziness and is just not that attractive. A nice manicure and pedicure can go a long way. Don't dress like a slob. Straight teeth are a plus.

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    Perseverance pays

    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?
    Alot of people would describe me as creepy. I dont mind, I will still bother someone, but I know when flirting turns into harrassment.

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?
    It could be cute if you can play your shyness as some kind of an underdog.

    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?
    Either way is cool with me.

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?
    It depends. I ask all my friends how they are doing at all times. I even try to fix their problems, by force if necessary.

    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings? If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?
    Could be. If I kept someone a secret, it would be cause I didnt want to disrupt any of the established order. I stopped pursueing a few girls cause I found out that my friends had dated them many years ago.

    There is a very long and complicated story that goes with all of these questions, but I didn't think anyone would want to read all of it, so I just bring you many questions. Sorry for all of the text, but any help or advice would be greatly appreciated!
    Probably the whole story would help this confusing situation.
    If Men's Health magazine was true, you would never need to buy more than one issue.

  4. #14
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    I don't understand this question. Do you mean another person aside from the individual that the ISTJ is romantically interested in? If the ISTJ shows interest in you, and ONLY you, then that is very good. If the ISTJ shows interest equally with you and other girls, that is more than likely very bad.
    Well, he's nice to everybody, but it often seems like he is especially nice to me. He is very concerned with not saying things that will offend me, and will sometimes ask me if something will offend me before he says it. (He doesn't do this with anyone else.) I am extremely shy around him and it is very difficult for me to work up the nerve to speak to him, but despite my rarely talking to him, he will still ask me questions like how my day was (usually I see him in the early morning, so it's kind of a silly question to ask because my day's barely started) on a relatively frequent basis. He also always takes notice when I am especially depressed (I am always depressed because of him, but he doesn't know that) and he will ask me if I'm okay because I seem "kind of down." I am usually honest with him and shake my head no, to which he normally smiles and tells me awkwardly that he hopes I feel better. I think I was only dishonest about the way I felt once, when I told him that nothing was wrong, and he made these sad eyes and this little distressed noise in the back of his throat. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    This would be rare. If an ISTJ says yes, he is usually in it for the long run.
    He wasn't, in this case. The relationship only lasted about three and a half months. (I'm not entirely sure if it was even that long though, it's just an estimation.) He was the one to end it.

    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    Yes, but not necessarily uncomfortable with YOU (in fact that would be very rare), but perhaps he is just uncomfortable with what other people within his social circle think about the two of you. Also, it is about privacy/security. The relationship is between myself and my lady friend and not really anyone else's business. Although I would NOT take extreme measures and go out of my way to keep it a secret, unless under certain cirumstances.
    Oh, he wasn't dating ME, haha. I am his supposed "unrequited love" in this case. (Except that it's not unrequited, I have loved him for a year.) I believe that he was interested in me at least at one point, but I was in denial for a long time and did not want to be in love, because I knew it would likely cause me a lot of emotional pain. (And it does!) :/ So my bashfulness mixed with my anxiety over dating essentially created an aloof demeanor that he interpreted as me disliking him, which I'm sure was of course very discouraging. (He once described it as being like "talking to a wall," which hurt me a lot, but probably not as much as it hurt him.) Then he started dating the other girl about six months ago, I was completely and utterly crushed (and honestly still continue to be.) But then he broke up with her, and he never stopped treating me the same way at any point.... so I'm trying to figure out if even now, after all this, he could possibly still be interested in me.

  5. #15
    Member Tea Party's Avatar
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    More responses! :0 Thank you, you're all so helpful. I will respond to everything else tomorrow, but I really kind of have to go to sleep now. >_o

  6. #16
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    I hate to answer with a personal story as if to say it always happens that way, but I've been in a similar situation before, and I was never over the first girl even though I went out with someone else in the meantime. It was more significant once the relationship with the second girl ended, also. So the point is that it could happen...

  7. #17
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    What qualities do ISTJs most gravitate to in others?
    Someone that can spontaneously think of fun things to do. Well-coordinated and groomed. Genuinely nurturing without being overbearing, which is basically an IxFx. Bluntness. Someone intuitive, in a general sense. I really go for someone that can make concluding jumps on their own. Someone capable of witty banter.

    I think I described an ENFJ? LOL.

    How important is another person's physical appearance to an ISTJ?
    I'd have to say anything up to 30ish pounds overweight, and that's a vague estimate. Once you reach a certain point, it starts to tell you about the person's self-image. Like I said in another thread, when I can see a girl's bra that they're wearing, it's an instant turn off. It can take a girl I'm really interested in and just kill the attraction.

    How do ISTJs respond to unrequited love?
    It's very hard to let go, especially if you're still going to see the person in your life after you find out it's unrequited. It's situational.


    Are ISTJs generally self-conscious/afraid of seeming creepy when talking to someone they are interested in romantically? Do they frequently (or ever) worry that their person of interest does not like them or does not trust them?

    I frequently worry about someone not liking me but it's mostly because I'm just so predictable and by the book. I'm the opposite of spontaneous and the introversion keeps me from really being lively. It turns away a lot of people just because I keep to myself so much.

    Are ISTJs at all empathetic to other people who are shy around THEM?

    No. Not at all. I can tell when people are shy around me or don't have the strength to maintain a strong conversation. I'll keep the conversation going, but once I notice it, my opinion of the person plummets and they're immediately put in the "frustrating person" category.


    Is it typical that an ISTJ would greet his hopeful love interest with great enthusiasm, but if said love interest ever greets HIM first, he would respond shyly?

    Definitely. I would have to initiate it because then I would be ready. If someone came to me first, I would be so unprepared that I would likely give some automatic canned response.

    How big of a deal is it if an ISTJ shows a consistent interest/concern in another person's feelings/emotional well-being?

    Pretty damn big. I usually don't care about other people. I'm not hostile. It just rarely enters my mind. There are 2-3 people in my life that have caused me to be genuinely concerned about them. It was either through a problem they were having or I grew some major attraction to them, and the attraction causes a massive amount of interest in their well-being.

    The only time I ever care to do something "kind" for someone is when I see someone needing something done that they're just plain incapable of doing. That's when I'll stand up and do it, just because there's this sudden feeling inside overwhelming me that someone's trying to do something impossible that they really need.


    How likely is it that an ISTJ would be asked out by a good friend who they do not have romantic feelings for, but the ISTJ dates the good friend anyway out of pity, even if they are not interested in anyone, or have been romantically interested in someone else for a long time (but believe that their love is unrequited?) Could this be interpreted as an attempt to maintain "order" and "balance" in their lives by not hurting their friend's feelings?

    Never had that happen to me.

    If the ISTJ tries to keep the relationship a secret, is this a clear sign that the relationship makes him uncomfortable?

    Can't answer this one since I've never been in that situation. Though, I would say yes.


  8. #18
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tea Party View Post
    Well, he's nice to everybody, but it often seems like he is especially nice to me. He is very concerned with not saying things that will offend me, and will sometimes ask me if something will offend me before he says it. (He doesn't do this with anyone else.) I am extremely shy around him and it is very difficult for me to work up the nerve to speak to him, but despite my rarely talking to him, he will still ask me questions like how my day was (usually I see him in the early morning, so it's kind of a silly question to ask because my day's barely started) on a relatively frequent basis. He also always takes notice when I am especially depressed (I am always depressed because of him, but he doesn't know that) and he will ask me if I'm okay because I seem "kind of down." I am usually honest with him and shake my head no, to which he normally smiles and tells me awkwardly that he hopes I feel better. I think I was only dishonest about the way I felt once, when I told him that nothing was wrong, and he made these sad eyes and this little distressed noise in the back of his throat. :/


    He wasn't, in this case. The relationship only lasted about three and a half months. (I'm not entirely sure if it was even that long though, it's just an estimation.) He was the one to end it.


    Oh, he wasn't dating ME, haha. I am his supposed "unrequited love" in this case. (Except that it's not unrequited, I have loved him for a year.) I believe that he was interested in me at least at one point, but I was in denial for a long time and did not want to be in love, because I knew it would likely cause me a lot of emotional pain. (And it does!) :/ So my bashfulness mixed with my anxiety over dating essentially created an aloof demeanor that he interpreted as me disliking him, which I'm sure was of course very discouraging. (He once described it as being like "talking to a wall," which hurt me a lot, but probably not as much as it hurt him.) Then he started dating the other girl about six months ago, I was completely and utterly crushed (and honestly still continue to be.) But then he broke up with her, and he never stopped treating me the same way at any point.... so I'm trying to figure out if even now, after all this, he could possibly still be interested in me.

    Sounds like you like eachother! So he kept the other girl a secret? Sounds like he was just dating her to put the pressure on you to see if you would budge on your decision or maybe he was just trying to move on but couldn't. Either way, it's not a big deal if you truly do love him especially if he never stopped treating you the same.

    Any variation of the question "How was your day?" is a classic ISTJ way of saying "I care about you." (I say the same thing to a girl I am trying to date.)

    The sad eyes indicate that he knows you lied about whether or not you were feeling bad and he was trying to empathize with you. I guess that is what the noise in the back of the throat was for too, although I have never done that or heard of that before.

    You being aloof/ignoring him = you not caring about him. It's as simple as that in the eyes of an ISTJ. Although SOMETIMES we can see through your smokescreen of aloofness and see how you REALLY feel. It kind of sounds like you are sending mixed signals to him. Being bashful around him and ignoring him are two different things. If you are bashful (blushing, giggling) it means you like him, if you ignore (keep conversations short, keep your distance around him) him that means you do not care about him.

    You said he makes you depressed, why?

  9. #19
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
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    I didn't know if I was the only one to make quick judgments on my own interpretations of people's responses to me. Maybe it's the Te applying cause and effect to the situation?


  10. #20
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Yeah, I make judgements on what people think of me all the time. It's okay to do it if you don't take your judgements too seriously, otherwise they can be intoxicating. But once you DO make those judgements what do you do about them? I just try to steer the conversation into a better direction or end it all together. Not knowing how to read people is like having "feelings" and not knowing what to do with them- which unfortunately happens to me quite a bit. I just force my "feelings" to take the back seat so they don't cloud my judgement. Eventually I will forget about them.

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