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  1. #1
    Member OregonENFP's Avatar
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    Default ISTJ's ... Egoistic?

    I am in a relationship with an ISTJ. I'm not sure how I would consider it's going. We seem to be getting into more arguments lately and he is NEVER wrong, even if he is totally inconsiderate, rude or offensive. I'm starting to wonder if all ISTJ's are just very egoistic?

    Please help!!!
    Thank you.

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    It's not an easy relationship. It just isn't. Be prepared for constant work. Constant communication and constant compromise. And do not let him have his way and try to control you. Good luck.

  3. #3
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    No, not usually--but it may be a little more apparent in arguments, as you said.

    If it's something I've thought a lot about for a long time, there could be really strong resistance to changing my mind. As if to say, "I doubt you've given this as much thought as I have. And all that work I put into figuring it out, that was for nothing?"
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  4. #4
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OregonENFP View Post
    I am in a relationship with an ISTJ. I'm not sure how I would consider it's going. We seem to be getting into more arguments lately and he is NEVER wrong, even if he is totally inconsiderate, rude or offensive. I'm starting to wonder if all ISTJ's are just very egoistic?

    Please help!!!
    Thank you.

    Why do you think you're getting into more arguments as time goes on but not as much before? What has changed?

  5. #5
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    No, not usually--but it may be a little more apparent in arguments, as you said.
    I agree with this. But I also agree with Erin, don't let them "control" you if they try to.

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    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    But I also agree with Erin, don't let them "control" you if they try to.
    I'm curious why you would say this. Would that be a bad thing to the ISTJ if she did let him control her? And if that is a bad thing, then why would the ISTJ even try to do it in the first place?

  7. #7
    Member OregonENFP's Avatar
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    He does VERY MUCH like to be in control. More than any human being I know. Even to the point where he tries to get me to stop wearing make up and so fourth. I know this is an ISTJ trait but I didn't realize how much it would be like this. We've been friends for 8 yrs or more at this point.

    I'm an ENFP/INFP depending. (More E).

    The pull of him on me is very strong. His personality seems to dominate me. I almost feel like I've been put under a spell....

  8. #8
    Member OregonENFP's Avatar
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    Default Much easier said than done!!

    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    I agree with this. But I also agree with Erin, don't let them "control" you if they try to.
    Much easier said than done!!

  9. #9
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    I'm curious why you would say this. Would that be a bad thing to the ISTJ if she did let him control her? And if that is a bad thing, then why would the ISTJ even try to do it in the first place?
    I don't think they TRY to do it. I think it just kind of... happens. They do it without even knowing it. I don't even know if "control" is a good word for this. Personally, I've never "controlled" anyone before, but I do know xSTJ's that have and it's mostly the annoying or "unhealthy" ones [not to worry Oregon, I'm sure he just doesn't realize what he's doing], I think. In my opinion the ESTJ's are especially good at controlling people, but a few ISTJ's can do it too I guess.

    But letting them continue to do it just lets them think "oh, well, everything is ok s/he doesn't seem to mind." When in reality, the other person is really annoyed/hurting emotionally.

    If I EVER was in a situation where I was "controlling" someone, I would want to know immediately, so I could stop. The LAST thing I would want to do is control somone, I can barely control myself!

    Bottom line: YOU MUST COMMUNICATE IN BLUNT TERMS WITH YOUR ISTJ WHAT YOUR EMOTIONS ARE! If you do this, it will solve and prevent lots of problems! ESPECIALLY if your an ENFP!

  10. #10
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OregonENFP View Post
    Much easier said than done!!
    Well, as long as you can be blunt about your own feelings (when necessary), it really shouldn't be that hard! It's all about communication lass!

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