[MBTI General] how do you bring out your E?

[Shadow]

It could theoretically work the other way around, right? Where the ENFP becomes more introverted?

If there's any way to do it, it's just by practicing. A lot. And getting older. As you get older people tend to balance out. But don't push yourself. If you become stressed, then you should probably stop.

The only way for an introvert to project extravertedness is practice, so I agree with Costrin, but I also agree that it takes effort. I've perfected my extravert technique after many years, but it still tires me out - that's not great when you have to keep it up constantly i.e. in a relationship.

My advice would be just to go with the flow. How long have you been going out? The closer you get to each other the more open you will be. ENFPs tend to be understanding individuals anyway, so don't be afraid to just talk about everything to her. I'm an introvert but even I believe good relationships are based on talking and trust. This is particularly necessary if you are feeling down, because if you don't talk to your girlfriend about it she'll jump to the conclusion that the problem must be something to do with her.

I'll third the suggestion that she might even become more introverted herself. Introverted as in a bit calmer and more pensive, although I highly recommend you open up more. As couples grow closer the differences in their personalities even out, so don't worry too much. Plus, she's with you so she obviously likes you as you are!

EDIT: Sorry if this seems a bit late...I missed a whole page of the thread out.

 

[Nonsensical]

I'm proud to show my values and my creativity. Sometimes when I'll feel a little shy in a certain situation, I'll let loose anyway and bring out my funk, and it makes me feel better. I like to bring out my funk when I'm around others whom I know probably wouldn't agree with it (filthy SJs!), just kidding.

 

[Halla74]

hello! I'm an ISFJ male and have been dating an ENFP for almost 6 months now. we get along really well and have a ton of things in common, except that I'm really introverted and she's really extroverted. that extroverted side sometimes gets to me though, and I know our relationship would be much better if I could just open up and stop being as introverted as I am.

can anyone help with this? how can I become more of an extrovert?

OK, I bought a $35 paper on MBTI and relationships not too long ago, and interestingly enough, with regard to E/I, it indicated that there is apparently either one of two effects if a couple differ in that trait: (1) It's beneficial, or (2) it's an issue. I can't summarize the whole thing here, but apparently many happy couples match with regard to their secondary, and tertiary (middle two) characteristics. The happiest couples had two or more MBTI traits in common, many of the cuouples who reported dissatifaction had 1 or less MBTI trait in common.

So, I don't know what to tell you but. Does your uintroversion seem to bug your girlfirend? If not, then let it be, she might like it! Good luck!

 

[Valiant]

Bringing out the E... Am I the only one thinking of refining processes for Ecstacy?

 

[entropie]

wrap it in a bag, open the front door to your house and then you have to watch for one of that metal cans

 

[Halla74]

Bringing out the E... Am I the only one thinking of refining processes for Ecstacy?

Sounds like you need some sassafras oil, palladium bromide, nitromethane, a few other odds and ends and one hell of a home chemistry set....and a REALLY good lawyer!

 

[Giggly]

so I guess it's more of a matter of confidence! isn't that a problem that most ISFJs have to deal with? can anyone speak from experience?

I struggle with it sometimes. Even I'm tired of it.

warm8, I don't have any particular advice for your question, but I want to encourage you to stick around the forum even after this topic fizzles. I don't think there's a single ISFJ male who regularly posts here, so your perspective on many topics would be really worthwhile.

Yes.

 

[Unique]

Bringing out the E... Am I the only one thinking of refining processes for Ecstacy?

lol usually what I'd think if this was a rave forum

 

["?"]

hello! I'm an ISFJ male and have been dating an ENFP for almost 6 months now. we get along really well and have a ton of things in common, except that I'm really introverted and she's really extroverted. that extroverted side sometimes gets to me though, and I know our relationship would be much better if I could just open up and stop being as introverted as I am.

can anyone help with this? how can I become more of an extrovert?

I have not read Dario Nardi's book "8 Keys to Self Leadership: From Awareness to Action", but Wolfy started this thread, referring to developing the Se function. The book may give you some insights on, as ISFJ how much you use your Fe. Based on the quick assessment, it will indicate the level you are at and techniques to develop it more. I have been attempting to purchase the book, however did not want to pay the shipping charge.

 

[raz]

I wonder how different introverts view this problem. I'm sure the IxxPs don't see their lack of extraversion as MUCH of an issue because they contend with the world using Ne or Se, so they're much more laid back. However, an IxxJ, who tries to put order in their world probably faces this problem much more often? I mean, as an IxFJ, would your lack of extraversion lead you to feeling like you let down your friends or family?

I face this problem all of the time. I'm much more content being alone. I mean, just now, I went to a lake, walked around for an hour, then sat in a swing set for 10 minutes. When I was sitting in the swing set, I felt so completely relaxed, to the point that I almost felt guilty that I didn't need constant activity to have that point of contentment.

To me, I look at the demands from the outside world as just that....demands. That's probably the ISTJ way of looking at it. I have to get out of the world what satisfies my introversion, and in return, it places demands on me that I feel I have to constantly categorize and structure in order to maintain control. If I have to go exercise or go outside for a certain amount of time to be extraverted enough, then I just put it on a mental to do list.

My main problem though, and I was going to make a thread on this, is that I feel guilty when I'm alone and I feel so content. In my immediate family, 2/3 of it is ExFx. My father and myself are the only I's. I constantly feel like I *should* be doing something more extraverted, but it's so taxing and it makes me feel not myself. My family somewhat understands how reserved I am, but I don't think they really understand the depth of it and the reasoning behind it. Being an IxTJ, I place so much analysis on myself from the introspection, and then I place just as much analysis on the outside world because of Te. It leads to everyone constantly telling me to STOP ANALYZING EVERYTHING. It gets old.

 

[Little Linguist]

You go out on the balcony and scream at the top of your lungs:


"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Kinda like a mouse on drugs!!!

Nah, seriously, though, hmm...It's just there - I can't describe it. I'm not a party animal by any stretch of the imagination (my E is really low though)...

Most of the time I'd rather be with a really small group of friends or just work on the computer, read, work out alone at the gym, or watch a movie. That leads a lot of people to believe that I'm introverted, but I'm not.

When I think, I like to do it out loud (like a brainstorming session) with other people. When I feel a certain way (unless it makes me feel really awkward) I like to talk to all the people I can. And I like to help others through my work. That's how my E comes out, but it doesn't show itself in the traditional ways of partying every weekend, having tons of friends, and passing out drunk or dancing like a leopard on marijuana...that's not me.

 

["?"]

I wonder how different introverts view this problem. I'm sure the IxxPs don't see their lack of extraversion as MUCH of an issue because they contend with the world using Ne or Se, so they're much more laid back. However, an IxxJ, who tries to put order in their world probably faces this problem much more often? I mean, as an IxFJ, would your lack of extraversion lead you to feeling like you let down your friends or family?

I really wished I could recall the INTJ that wrote a post years ago on using the auxiliary defensively. Nevertheless, the Personality Page has developed a growth page over the years which seems complete now. The author contends that all types who use their dominant function will allow their auxiliary and lesser functions to sit in the shadow. This seems to coincide with Myers-Briggs assertion for the need to develop auxiliary functions for balance. Back to your example Raz, an ISFJ over using their Si function will have these problems with poor use of their Fe:

• May find difficulty expressing their feelings without fear or anger.
• May be unable to correctly judge what really is for the best
• May wrongly suspect others of having hidden motives or agendas
• May be unable to shrug off feelings impending disaster
• May be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that goes against their certainty about the “correct” or “right” way to do things
• May have a tendency to blame particular persons for disturbing or upsetting “their world” by simply being who they are
• May come across to others as cold and insensitive to anything but another’s ability to fit in with and support their own judgements
• May be unnecessarily harsh or strict about appropriate social behaviour
• May be oblivious to what others think about them
• May come across as rigid, inflexible or even cold and uncaring to others, without being aware of it
• May be unable to understand verbal logic, and quickly cut off other’s explanations
• May value their own certainties about the world and its problems far above others
• May be quite falsely certain of their influence upon, and understanding of others
• May be extremely vulnerable to tricks, con men, false hopes, religious cults and conspiracy theories
• May react with anger or distress when someone expresses disagreement with their view of the world, or disapproval of their judgements
• May favour their judgements to the degree that they are unable to notice the pain or difficulty such judgements might cause others
• Under great stress, are likely to make outrageously harsh and uncaringly selfish survival oriented decisions

 

[warm8]

an ISFJ over using their Si function

that's definitely my problem then! how can I stop it?

 

[raz]

I really wished I could recall the INTJ that wrote a post years ago on using the auxiliary defensively. Nevertheless, the Personality Page has developed a growth page over the years which seems complete now. The author contends that all types who use their dominant function will allow their auxiliary and lesser functions to sit in the shadow. This seems to coincide with Myers-Briggs assertion for the need to develop auxiliary functions for balance. Back to your example Raz, an ISFJ over using their Si function will have these problems with poor use of their Fe:

Wow. I'm looking at the ISTJ one:

* Excessive love of food and drink
* Lack of interest in other people, or in relating to them
* Occasional inappropriate emotional displays
* General selfish "look after oneself" tendencies
* Uses judgement to dismiss other's opinions and perspectives, before really understanding them
* May judge others rather than themselves
* May look at external ideas and people with the primary purpose of finding fault
* May become slave to their routine and "by the book" ways of doing things, to the point that any deviation is completely unacceptable
* May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to anyone

I wonder if this is really my problem is the lack of extraversion experience? This is making me start to wonder if I really employ Extraverted Thinking only as a defense. I feel like I only deal with the outer world to meet the minimum requirements so that I can do what I want. That's the way I was when I was younger, though. I looked at what was required, did the minimum to get by, and went to what I was interested in. I just have a really hard time relating to people because I just see them as a threat to my own security or irrelevant when compared to what really matters to me.

 

["?"]

•

I wonder if this is really my problem is the lack of extraversion experience? This is making me start to wonder if I really employ Extraverted Thinking only as a defense. I feel like I only deal with the outer world to meet the minimum requirements so that I can do what I want. That's the way I was when I was younger, though. I looked at what was required, did the minimum to get by, and went to what I was interested in. I just have a really hard time relating to people because I just see them as a threat to my own security or irrelevant when compared to what really matters to me.

Raz I think we all do it from time-to-time which is why I am sometimes suspect of MBTI. Myers-Briggs wrote her descriptions based on a balanced (therefore healthy) type. In reality I have always argued that life’s circumstances make it hard for the average person to maintain that sense of balance in my opinion. Make no bones about it, extraverts can use their auxiliary in defense as well. Here are the ways that ISTPs can use their Se defensively:

• The ISTP gets "stuck in a rut" and only does those things that are known and comfortable to the ISTP.
• The ISTP resists and rejects anything that doesn't support their own experiential understanding of the world. If there is a conflict between their own way of life and something that they encounter, they don't perceive that "something" in an objective sense. Rather, they reject it to avoid conflict and to preserve the sanctity of their inner world.
• They choose to surround themselves with people who support their own way of life, and reject people who think or live differently.
• They may become overly paranoid about social organizations and institutions trying to control them.
• They may unknowingly or uncaringly hurt people's feelings.
• They may be completely unaware of how to express their inner world to others in a meaningful way.
• They may be completely unaware of the type of communication that is often desireable and (to some degree) expected in an intimate relationship. If they are aware of the kinds of things that are appropriate to say and do to foster emotional bonding, they may be unable to appreciate the value of such actions. They may feel too vulnerable to express themselves in this fashion, and so reject the entire idea.
• If pushed beyond their comfort level to form commitments or emotional bonds, they may reject a relationship entirely.
• Under stress, they may show intense emotions that seem disproportionate to the situation.