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  1. #1
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Default How NOT to Mislead an ISTJ?

    I love ISTJs. I do. They're great workers, friends, thinkers...basically, great people. However, I have a problem with guy ISTJs: I seem to lead them into thinking I'm romantically interested in them.

    This is, in a word, frustrating.

    Everyone is attracted to different sorts of people, but the ISTJs who like me I like as friends, nothing more. (Frankly, I'm a sucker for Es of all types...) I argue more with them than any other type, I find myself using that "count to ten before replying" rule with them the most, and I find myself feeling horribly guilty for lashing out at them, because I rarely do that at all! So from my experience, I wouldn't enjoy an intimate relationship with an ISTJ, yet admit there are many pros for befriending them. I'm a great listener when they have a problem, I like to talk when they obviously feel like talking but don't know what to say, and I'm very encouraging when they're down. I don't do anything particularly flirty but those three things...so I'm lost as to what I should do.

    I would chalk this up to coincidence, except it has happened three times now, and I can feel a fourth coming on. Those whom I've asked IRL accuse me of being too nice, but I treat everyone like that. What do you SJs know that I don't?

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  3. #3
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    It's hard to NOT mislead a guy when you randomly start talking to us. You have to make it clear you aren't interested in some way. I do this with girls I'm not interested in, I somehow push the feeling of "I don't think of you that way" in a nice way.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #4
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Honestly, is this type-dependent? Wouldn't you use the same strategy regardless of type? Are ISTJs any momre prone to being misled by what's happening? Just be clear about your intentions.

  5. #5
    Doesn't Read Your Posts Haight's Avatar
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    To me, this sounds like a question that Uber could answer quite quickly.
    "The only time I'm wrong is when I'm questioning myself."
    Haight

  6. #6
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Honestly, is this type-dependent? Wouldn't you use the same strategy regardless of type? Are ISTJs any momre prone to being misled by what's happening? Just be clear about your intentions.
    Honestly, I think so. I've never had a problem with any other type about this. It's getting repetitive, which makes me think I'm doing something wrong, and has happened for two years. And please don't see this as an attack on ISTJs--they're just the people I'm misleading. It's a coincidence that seems to be bigger than a coincidence, to me.

    Am I making sense? I hope I am. ^^;

    (But if you feel it's too general, I'll certainly take the question down. I don't want to sound biased against any type...)
    Last edited by Bubbles; 03-14-2009 at 03:29 PM. Reason: addition to post

  7. #7
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    It's because ISTJ-INFP is such a good match, I typically get INSTANT chemistry with ISTJs. With men it's the desire to want to get to know them and to get to be their friend, and with women it's that along with the romantic desire too.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #8
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    You have to make it clear you aren't interested in some way. I do this with girls I'm not interested in, I somehow push the feeling of "I don't think of you that way" in a nice way.
    So...since the people I've mentioned were all massively introverted, it'd be a good idea to speak less-often one-on-one and more group-initiated, then? I'm the sort of person who'll go up to anyone who's sort of sitting by themself and talk to them, but I guess even if it's small-talk, that could sound like more than just friendliness. Drat.

    I do feel mean when I do the cold-shoulder, though. When I'm obvious (like making up an excuse for not wanting to be with them at the moment) it kills me, and still does not seem to get the point across. I've gotten treated badly by one person in particular who assumed I'd been flirting, and told nicely that I'd never thought of him that way. I suppose I'm too open?

    (laughs) Maybe Edahn is right. Maybe it's me who's the problem, not the ISTJs. It could all just be some cosmic coincidence.

    It's because ISTJ-INFP is such a good match, I typically get INSTANT chemistry with ISTJs.
    And that could explain why I like befriending them. This all points to the it's-Bubble's-fault theory, doesn't it?

  9. #9
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    I agree with others, you need to be straight forward. You know, tell them the truth and make it obvious! On the other hand, I think ISTJ's are the worst when it comes to "leading" them on. They tend to be vulnerable to that type of thing I think.

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    So...since the people I've mentioned were all massively introverted, it'd be a good idea to speak less-often one-on-one and more group-initiated, then?
    One to one is much better for me, friends or anything deeper. How would this fix your issue?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    I'm the sort of person who'll go up to anyone who's sort of sitting by themself and talk to them, but I guess even if it's small-talk, that could sound like more than just friendliness. Drat.
    If the person is single, it will spark hopes regardless. An easy way to say it is "I'm not actively seeking anyone right now, I have other priorities in life." I've been told that, it totally disarmed me, I understood the point.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    I do feel mean when I do the cold-shoulder, though. When I'm obvious (like making up an excuse for not wanting to be with them at the moment) it kills me, and still does not seem to get the point across. I've gotten treated badly by one person in particular who assumed I'd been flirting, and told nicely that I'd never thought of him that way. I suppose I'm too open?
    So just don't. Don't be afraid, tell them you aren't actively seeking someone. Be open, be who you are, but just make it clear.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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