[ISTJ] ISTJ-ISTJ Relationship?

[d@v3]

Alright, my curiosity is getting the best of me this time. I can't be the only one wondering this, and sorry if there is already an old thread about it. But let's assume both male and female ISTJ are in a healthy mental state:

I would like everyone's opinion on this, especially any ISTJ girls. Do you think an ISTJ male- ISTJ female would be able to have a romantic relationship? Could they keep it going? Why or why not?

My opinion is that yes, they [or ANY type] has the potential to get into a relationship, however, my lack of knowledge on ISTJ girls make me wonder if they could keep the relationship going. It also depends on their values and how "healthy" their mental state is. However, there are other people I have talked to who say it just can't be done.

 

[Cimarron]

However, there are other people I have talked to who say it just can't be done.

Like me, probably.

I mean it (partly from experience) when I say that it seems there wouldn't usually be enough momentum for such a relationship to go anywhere. But it might work out, if both ISTJs decide they're fine with that. And knowing ISTJs, they might.

Maybe I mean that it would be difficult to get the relationship moving, and not just at the beginning. Always a lot of inertia, not a lot of momentum.

I don't think that should stop anyone from trying, though.

 

[Shadow]

Like me, probably.

I mean it (partly from experience) when I say that it seems there wouldn't usually be enough momentum for such a relationship to go anywhere. But it might work out, if both ISTJs decide they're fine with that. And knowing ISTJs, they might.

Maybe I mean that it would be difficult to get the relationship moving, and not just at the beginning. Always a lot of inertia, not a lot of momentum.

I don't think that should stop anyone from trying, though.

That's kind of what I was going to say. It would probably be alright, maybe even more than alright, although I don't think it would be the most passionate affair ever.
BUT I don't know if it would even happen in the first place. I reckon each of the ISTJs would be too passive to make a move and would be kind of nonchalantly not too bothered about it.

On a similar theme, I believe I've typed 2 guys that I know from classes as ISTJ. Now, in the case of one of them, we're always the 2 last people to arrive in class so we tend to sit next to each other most of the time, and we keep bumping into each other in random places, so we've exchanged a few words. We've also discovered that we both have a deep interest in crime fiction, and yet despite our obvious similarities and bumping into each other all the time we're still just acquaintances rather than friends. Which would seem like the next step. Similar thing with the other guy.

You need someone to be proactive. This definitely doesn't mean that an ISTJ can't be proactive about approaching people and forming relationships, it just means that it'll require a bit more effort, and frankly you'd have to be really bothered.

 

[Shaula]

Like the saying goes, "Anything is possible," but usually ISTJ + ISTJ = friendship, not romance.

 

[simpleamazement]

I dated an ISTJ female for a little while. It felt kind of strange, there was some initial attraction, but it died down quickly.

 

[d@v3]

That would be one organized household!

Justin, why do you think it died down? Same reasons as Shadow said? Neither of you were the aggressor?

 

[Giggly]

Shadow, who made the move in your relationship?

 

[Shadow]

My boyfriend (ISFJ for those not in the know), weirdly.
The thing is, I make it clear that I'm attracted to someone if I fancy them (or I think I do, anyway) but that person has to pick up on it and make the move. Possibly as my boyfriend is an SJ, and an F at that, he was more aware of this than most guys that I've attempted to flirt with.
It did take us a couple of 'friendly dates' out though, and bear in mind we'd been chatting online daily for a full month before even meeting in person, which must have helped to assure each other that we really did fancy the other one. It's so much easier to let out emotions to people you barely know when you're behind a screen.

One idea I have for a possible difference between ISFJ and ISTJ about this is over-analysis. My boyfriend is always telling me I over analyse situations, and when you do this the worst case scenarios might make you less likely to try. At the moment I'm trying to stop talking myself out of job applications, for example, because I can imagine myriad things that could go wrong (and there's always more things that could go wrong than could go right.) This is probably down to T.

 

[Giggly]

My boyfriend (ISFJ for those not in the know), weirdly.
The thing is, I make it clear that I'm attracted to someone if I fancy them (or I think I do, anyway) but that person has to pick up on it and make the move. Possibly as my boyfriend is an SJ, and an F at that, he was more aware of this than most guys that I've attempted to flirt with.
It did take us a couple of 'friendly dates' out though, and bear in mind we'd been chatting online daily for a full month before even meeting in person, which must have helped to assure each other that we really did fancy the other one. It's so much easier to let out emotions to people you barely know when you're behind a screen.

One idea I have for a possible difference between ISFJ and ISTJ about this is over-analysis. My boyfriend is always telling me I over analyse situations, and when you do this the worst case scenarios might make you less likely to try. At the moment I'm trying to stop talking myself out of job applications, for example, because I can imagine myriad things that could go wrong (and there's always more things that could go wrong than could go right.) This is probably down to T.

In your case, I think the main difference between you two is that one is male and one is female.

 

[Shadow]

In your case, I think the main difference between you two is that one is male and one is female.

Well there I go with the over-analysing then, lol!

 

[Giggly]

Well there I go with the over-analysing then, lol!

lol! aww

T's are so adorable.

 

[SillySapienne]

Not to be mean, but wouldn't this pairing be rather, well, un-sparkish, and bland?

I dunno, I could be wrong.

 

[Shadow]

Not to be mean, but wouldn't this pairing be rather, well, un-sparkish, and bland?

I dunno, I could be wrong.

Probably. But then again, if both parties are looking for one of those stable, home-loving relationships it might be just what they want. No worries about the other being unreliable or a bit of a hazard etc. etc. Probably same priorities.
Buuut... I really can't see where the passion would come from, it's true. I don't think either would be particularly emotional and you need visible emotions in a relationship. Plus a bit of contrast is what makes relationships interesting; relationships tend to break when they become too predictable. Sooner or later one of the pair is going to be seduced by some emotionally outgoing spark.

Maybe this pairing is best if they're just close friends and confidantes.

lol! aww

T's are so adorable.

 

[simpleamazement]

Justin, why do you think it died down? Same reasons as Shadow said? Neither of you were the aggressor?

Well, it was rather unexciting actually. I mean I made jokes and made her laugh and was playful and stuff, but she just stopped answering and I was like whatever, I'm not that interested anyway.

Not to be mean, but wouldn't this pairing be rather, well, un-sparkish, and bland?

Yeah, I was the one creating the spark. But it needs to work both ways.

 

[Recoleta]

I'm going to agree with what the recent posters have said, that it would likely be a very uneventful and bland relationship. As friends, it would be very comfortable and drama free, but for romantic relationships there needs to be an element of passion.

My best female friend is another ISTJ. Our friendship is extremely comfortable and open. She is someone I go to when I need to feel understood. We were roommates our last year in college. It was an awesome living situation because we both respected one another's personal space and time. Seriously, we were like an old couple living together. We picked up after ourselves, enjoyed the same tv shows and a lot of the same hobbies. We had our own little predictable schedules...it was bizarrely stress-free and wonderful living with someone so close in personality to me (She's likely more extroverted and a stronger J than me).

However, when I think of someone I'd want a relationship with, I wouldn't want a male version of her. While she is fantastic and such a valuable person in my life, there is little element of surprise in our relationship. She is my comfort zone, and while I desire stability and comfort in a romantic relationship there also has to be an element of surprise, spontaneity, and challenge.

 

[d@v3]

LOL CC, yeah there it would definitley be a little bland I bet! And yeah I agree Reco, I need the element of surprise to keep me on my toes.

 

[Shadow]

Well, it was rather unexciting actually. I mean I made jokes and made her laugh and was playful and stuff, but she just stopped answering and I was like whatever, I'm not that interested anyway.

LOL!

 

[JoyISTJ]

HI Im an ISTJ female...I would try dating an ISTJ guy just to see what would happen! I have been curious myself about this very topic! and for me to solidly know that something is true, or not true, I really need to do it my self.
I grew up in a family of 6, with my mother also an ISTJ. Being the youngest child I learned how to form to any ones personality to get along with them because I like sharing deep connections with all people!
my friend and ENFP, has a best friend that is an ISTJ like me. Iv talked to him many times and normally when ISTJs meet someone they are very reserved, and not very interested in revealing much about them selves or talking about anything to deeply. but we both knew that we were ISTJ so when we started talking it was like we immediately connected on a higher level because we both knew that we could understand each other. I believe I could have a very close romantic relationship with another ISTJ because where ever that person is lacking, I will with out hesitation pick up that slack weather its being romantic, or starting a conversation...and doing so i would feel needed by that person witch would make me very happy .

 

[Donna Cecilia]

Welcome board, JoyISTJ. Your username looks like sarcasm* -I love it!

While many people think of it as a "match made in heaven", it is not. My exchanges with mentally healthy, male ISTJs prove me right time and time again.

What I noticed:

Our lack of flexibility makes us unable to get to agreements, which is a necessary skill to keep a healthy loving relationship. Somebody has to give in sometimes, and, that´s not in our nature. We stick to our guns due to our conviction in our own righteousness.

Also, if the guy has a strong Feeling preference (they are rare, but they do exist) you are screwed, since they are more sensitive to criticism.

Another thing is, our inability to both express our feelings, and to tell what the other person is feeling. Two people unconsciously hurting each other, without expressing it, it´s painful. Good, and sincere (we don´t admit being hurt) communication, is also essential for loving relationships.

As for friendship, it is great. But an ISTJ loving mate, not for me.

*You´ll realize this as you stay in the forum.

 

[simpleamazement]

JoyISTJ - welcome, you sound like a very lovely person.

Donna Cecilia - I think you hit the nail right on the head!