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Thread: Trust issues

  1. #11
    Member illume's Avatar
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    I have a question for the SJ's on this matter of trust then.... If someone close to you such as a spouse, dear friend or SO betrays your trust do you allow yourself to continue on in the relationship or do you,(or would you) sever all ties? I ask because I have observed how often SJ's will allow themselves to be sabotaged in relationships due to their great (and sometimes blind) loyalty.

  2. #12
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    I have been sabatoged by who I thought was my best friend since kindergarten many times. Finally, a couple years ago, I severed all ties. But it took a LONG time for me to stop looking the other way when he did something to betray me.

    So yes, sometimes loyalty is followed blindly.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #13
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by illume View Post
    I have a question for the SJ's on this matter of trust then.... If someone close to you such as a spouse, dear friend or SO betrays your trust do you allow yourself to continue on in the relationship or do you,(or would you) sever all ties? I ask because I have observed how often SJ's will allow themselves to be sabotaged in relationships due to their great (and sometimes blind) loyalty.
    My ex betrayed my trust by being unfaithful, i always told him i would leave if he ever did that. When the moment came my loyalty to him and me were greater than the fact he cheated. It was about my needs though, i wanted to give my marriage another try, i saw where the problems were and wanted to correct them. Unfortunately i wasn't given that option and he moved in with her yesterday. He messaged me today and i will not reply. As of today i want nothing to do with him. I will sever all ties. Today is another day though .
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #14
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I have major trust issues too. It infects a lot of different areas of my life -- self trust, trusting lovers, and trusting my surroundings. I don't really have anything great to offer, just commiseration. Sometimes I wonder whether trying to "fix" it is pointless, because it reinforces the idea that something is WRONG with where things are it, which is really what distrust, I think, is all about. Maybe just noticing it and saying "Jesus, I'm really distrusting right now" and trying to make a cool, rational decision might help us work through it.

    (Also, moved.)
    I relate. What has worked for me: trying not to avoid pain and trying to take TIME to build trust rather than expecting it where it has not been built and earned.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  5. #15
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Illume, my short answer is "yes." I give girlfriends and dear ones an often uneven amount of leeway. The reasons are covered pretty well in the rest of this thread.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    Old thread.
    Personally I don't think I could stay in a relationship with someone who intentionally cheated with me. I place alot of trust in my friends, especially since I specifically choose who I hang around with, to not harm me if given the chance. That sort of thing is betrayal on the highest order for me, I would not mind as much if it was an accident but then I'd be thinking...

    Having said that I might be speaking differently when the time comes, but I don't think it would be healthy for me to continue the relationship as I'd probably develop paranoia issues and all that. With most things I'm pretty lenient but intentional harm is just a no-go zone.

  7. #17
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Excellent thread!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kai View Post
    d) I expect that most SJs will do this. I choose my friends very slowly ~ to see what sort of individual they are and what their intentions are like towards other people. This is the part where you can say I'm very slow to trust.
    I'm definitely like this. I have a very hard time phasing from friendly acquaintance phase to genuine friend phase. It gets five times worse with every successive phase shift. Which explains why I'm currently single... :smiley_violin:

    Quote Originally Posted by illume View Post
    I have a question for the SJ's on this matter of trust then.... If someone close to you such as a spouse, dear friend or SO betrays your trust do you allow yourself to continue on in the relationship or do you,(or would you) sever all ties? I ask because I have observed how often SJ's will allow themselves to be sabotaged in relationships due to their great (and sometimes blind) loyalty.
    It depends on the level of betrayal. At worst, I sever ties. At best, I pretend to forgive them, and we go about our business and stay on speaking terms when necessary. Either way, generally unpleasant for both parties, and generally awkward for me.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


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  8. #18
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    Yes, I am definately like that. I choose my friends very carefully and believe there is only a few people in this world you can truely call your friends. I am very loyal to those chosen people and would do anything for them. When I someone has betrayed me, it is very difficult for me to regain their trust. This is true of friends and also family members. I no longer speak to my mother because she lost my trust by betraying me, this is how seriously I take it. When someone betrays me I feel deeply hurt and probaly will just withdraw from that person and may never fully explain why. Because I feel actions speak louder than words.

  9. #19
    Supreme Allied Commander Take Five's Avatar
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    Listen to some, trust a couple.
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    "If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. "--Niccolo Machiavelli

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