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  1. #1
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Default How to make a SJ stop nagging?

    Is their any effective method of having them shutting up? about the trivial things they consider important?.
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  2. #2
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Do what they say.

    Got any examples?


    EDIT: I nag to my friends only when any of the following criteria is met:

    - They are late and have no good reason to be.
    - They lie
    - They act on impulse and ruin everything
    - They act aggressively (including mentally) towards me.
    - They fail to keep a promise.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
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  3. #3
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    What's the context of your relationship? Friend, significant other, coworker, parent?



  4. #4
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Wow, I would say not completely. I have found to be most effective an acknowlegement of the "issue" followed by a promise to think about solutions to it.

    For example:

    SJ: How come no one puts stuff away? Why am I the only person who does anything around here?

    Me: I hear what you are saying - that's frustrating. Let's think about how we can fix this.

    I think an SJ just needs reassurance that someone cares (or wants to understand) about what bothers them and make an effort to try to facilitate a fix.

    Hope that helps!

  5. #5
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Not sure how you can control the behavior of another person without expending more than is reasonable from yourself. The easiest path that you have the most control over is your reaction. Can you think of the nagging as simply what they do in the same way a bird chirps or dogs bark? There are reasons based on their experience and temperament that this nagging is what comes naturally to them. When you view it like that it doesn't seem as personal. There might be strategies to minimize it somewhat depending on the relationship, but acceptance without internalizing it is probably the simplest possible strategy.
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  6. #6
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Introverted-esfp View Post
    Is their any effective method of having them shutting up? about the trivial things they consider important?.
    Yup. Do what they want you to do when they want you to do it.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Assuming OP is an ESFP, these are the things that would generally be bugging me:

    - Inability to make long-term plans. They always want to jump immediately into action, and plan while doing. I'd like to plan things before I do anything, so that everything can be done as efficiently as possible, and to make sure that nothing goes wrong.

    Example: My friend (ISFJ) and her friend (ESFP) decided that they wanted to traveling to central Europe. They found a cheap and nice place to visit, but couldn't agree on schedule. ESFP wanted to leave the next weekend (that's way too fast for any IS_J!!), but my friend (ISFJ) wanted to wait until spring break. ESFP couldn't wait so long, so they got into an argument and decided not to go at all.

    - Their lack of commitment. They are best friends with anyone who's with them right now, right here. Usually this means that they come and go as they please, and tend to forget about promises they have made.. or don't take promises as seriously as we SJs do. "See ya later" really means that we should see each others sometime later, at least to me.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
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  8. #8
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Wow guys this is really simplistic. What do you consider "trivial" things? My mother is constantly after my brother to pick up his shoes from the hallway especially after she tripped over them in the dark and fell down the stairs.

    I think you need to first figure out if what they consider trivial is really trivial.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  9. #9
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Physical fights? Long distressing arguments, where the more the argument lasts, the more stubborn you become about having the last word? Destroy them with nonlinear logical arguments? It also depends on what your objective is. It's easy to make them stop nagging when you also want to completely break any relationship with them, harder if you still want them around.
    The worst you could do, is to do what they say. It creates a positive feedback cycle where they might feel like the nagging is actually justified.

    With my two ISxj parents, well, I've got a good relationship with them; but when I feel that they are nagging me too much, I simply get extremely angry at them and argue back never shutting up until they acnkowledge I am right; if it was necessary, I would not hesitate to start a physical fight. I mean, it's conceputally rather easy. Luckily, it has only happened 3 times in my life so far.

    Of course, if they're nagging you because you live with them but say, leave clothes everywhere, then they're right. First you have to make sure that they can't be right from any possible logical angle.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    I hang out/talk with a lot of ISTJs. I realize that mostly the "nag" you get, while annoying, is their way of expressing a fear that they have toward something. So I usually get to the bottom of this fear and solve the reason why it is bothering them, if that makes sense. Sometimes I will ask literally "what are you afraid of?" like if they keep being about a bunch of little things that add up into a fear of one thing happening.

    EDIT: I'd like to add that they actually nag because they appear to be afraid of failure (when it is something they want help with), and they want your help. It also seems that if it's something they just want you to do (like a chore) then it's because they don't have a "do it later" attitude.
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