User Tag List

First 678910 Last

Results 71 to 80 of 121

  1. #71
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Posts
    43

    Default

    Well there should be certain rules and agreements set up before any of the responsibilities are assigned...what exactly is ZOMG anyways?

  2. #72
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Socionics
    LII
    Posts
    2,320

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Guy View Post
    Well there should be certain rules and agreements set up before any of the responsibilities are assigned
    I agree, but sometimes you are shunted into a role without any choice (such as parent-child relationships), and the two might disagree on the responsibilities entailed in such a role. Or sometimes problems come up that weren't though up ahead of time.

    ...what exactly is ZOMG anyways?
    OMG with a Z in front of it. Expressing my (pleasant) surprise at finding an ESTJ on this forum. Always nice to see more varied type representation here.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
    - Costrin

  3. #73
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTj
    Posts
    5,908

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Guy View Post
    If you want an SJ to stop nagging you, listen to him or her. It's frustrating for both parties. They'll probably nag you when you aren't fulfilling your responsibilities. So be responsible to their standards.
    Why aren't you responsible to mine, instead? I would prefer it that way
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  4. #74
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    453

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    I can see where you're coming from, and to a certain extent I can agree if the situation is peer to peer. However, I think the bigger issue with SJs is the amount of time it takes the other person to fulfill our request. I think when SJs say something, they expect a somewhat immediate response (because their own responses are immediate...and yes, we sometimes project our own high standards onto others), and it irritates us if something we deem as important is totally blown off by the other party. In order to stop the nagging, all you have to do is simply negotiate. Say, "Honey, I'm doing X right now, but I'll be happy to do it the next free moment I have." Of course, this will really only work if you are actually dependable and follow through.

    Frankly, SJs are fairly hardworking and self-sufficient, and IMO we don't ask for a whole lot of big things from our partners. We show love and commitment in the day-to-day things, and we like it when our partners notice all the little things we do that often go unnoticed. It's sometimes really easy for us to become doormats or taken for granted by the other types. Don't see it so much as us nagging, we'd just like you to share in the responsibility.
    Put very nicely.

  5. #75
    Senior Member Shadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    453

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    Oh don't worry. I still think *cough* know *cough* I'm right.

    My dad took the MBTI test for work a few years ago, but I don't remember his result. It wouldn't surprise me if he's an ESTJ, though. While he has his good qualities, he can be really anal retentive about stupid things...and yeah, he's a nagger too...lol. The dishwasher is a major source of conflict between the 2 of us, because in his mind, if the light is green, the dishwasher MUST be emptied immediately. I, on the other hand, don't care at all about the dishwasher, and I'll get around to it when I'm good and ready. I've tried to explain to him that the dishes aren't going anywhere, but this of course makes him angry (lol, I should take my own advice and negotiate with him).

    I usually end up yelling at him saying that if I can make it through grad school and can be trusted with the responsibility of running a classroom of kids then I can handle the stupid dishwasher on my own time frame. I'm an adult, and have lived on my own before and my life went just fine without him telling me what to do. For the record, I always win the dishwasher fight (see, I disarmed him with a logical argument).
    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    You know what, I totally agree. It is the manner of delivery, not so much the actual request (since requests are usually beneficial for both parties involved). As for the dishwasher story I just told, my dad usually begins that conversation by nagging from the get-go, so therefore, I have no other position but to be on the defensive. If he asked nicely, I'd be much more receptive to doing what he wants.

    So really, what SJs could work on is the delivery of our requests (as in, make it a request, and not a demand and give them some space and time to meet our request should they choose to do it)

    Ok, everybody happy? It's bed time! Chau!
    Your dad sounds a lot like mine. I'd hazard a guess that he's also an ENTJ. I won't go into details here, but I have done on the relationships board under 'NT parents'. We have totally different ideas about what constitutes something important, and your dishwasher example is very similar to the sort of things we argue about. I'm always being told I'm defensive and I think it's because of how I've always communicated with my dad.

    An example of one of the things I've nagged about which probably some of you see as unimportant or petty is excessive noise. At my dad's house there is never a moment of silence; 4 TVs are on constantly at a very high volume, or the radio is on at high volume otherwise. If I'm trying to work I need silence. Plus I generally prefer a peaceful environment. So I get really stressed and I have to keep asking if my dad could turn the sound down so I can study for important university work, but he just says it's his house so he'll do what he likes (very hypocritical because he wanted my brothers to do well at school but then never provided a quiet environment for learning). I've given up now. To be fair it is his house. Just don't expect me to visit too often because it makes me insane!
    The result: I rarely ever go home. 4 weeks max./year, probably less once I've left university. The noise literally drives me up the wall.

  6. #76
    Strongly Ambivalent Ivy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6
    Posts
    24,060

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Introverted-esfp View Post
    Is their any effective method of having them shutting up? about the trivial things they consider important?.
    Yes. Stop being so lazy and ungrateful.

    The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
    -anonymous graffiti in the basilica at Pompeii

  7. #77
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    2,830

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    Oh don't worry. I still think *cough* know *cough* I'm right.

    My dad took the MBTI test for work a few years ago, but I don't remember his result. It wouldn't surprise me if he's an ESTJ, though. While he has his good qualities, he can be really anal retentive about stupid things...and yeah, he's a nagger too...lol. The dishwasher is a major source of conflict between the 2 of us, because in his mind, if the light is green, the dishwasher MUST be emptied immediately. I, on the other hand, don't care at all about the dishwasher, and I'll get around to it when I'm good and ready. I've tried to explain to him that the dishes aren't going anywhere, but this of course makes him angry (lol, I should take my own advice and negotiate with him).

    I usually end up yelling at him saying that if I can make it through grad school and can be trusted with the responsibility of running a classroom of kids then I can handle the stupid dishwasher on my own time frame. I'm an adult, and have lived on my own before and my life went just fine without him telling me what to do. For the record, I always win the dishwasher fight (see, I disarmed him with a logical argument).
    Sounds like my father.... maybe it's an ISTJ thing? My suspicions have always been they he was an NT, probably ENTJ. He took the test but I don't remember what he got. Anyhow, we don't get along well when it comes executing a "plan" or "idea". So sadly, we just don't talk much about anything. Don't get me wrong, he is my father and I will always be his son, but it's hard to explain the odd relationship.

    If he asks me to do something, he expects it to be done immediately or on HIS time schedule (whenever that is). Well, if I ask him to do something, he doesn't do it until the last minute or he just plain forgets about it!

  8. #78
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    If it's a priority to me that my partner and I say, be faithful to each other, then I expect it to actually be followed through with in action.
    Agree. When I say SJ's "want their priorites to be respected - not obeyed, just respected" I didn't include high-level moral issues such as faithfulness - absolutely everyone has these types of "non-negotiable" values. I simply mean the everyday priorities of order vs chaos, tidyness vs messiness, action vs inaction etc. And I believe SJ's don't want a bunch of mindless automatons just following orders - but they do want to feel like their priorites are respected and listened to.

    It's tough for an SJ to be surrounded by non-SJ's - lucky though there are lots of SJ's around! Myself, there are a whole bunch of SJ's in my immediate family, so I both want to accommodate the SJ requirement for planning and order while still maintaining my own free spirit and timetable. It can be a challenge!

    Here's another simple example. My hubby loves to do the dishes right after dinner. Me, I like to sit down for half an hour or so and digest my meal before doing them. Does that mean I should jump up and do the dishes like he wants? No. But should he have to wait when it stresses him out that they are sitting there? No. Our compromise? I cook dinner & he does the dishes. We are each then about 50% - 50% responsible for the dinner "task". Basically, I just leave the kitchen when the meal is over, and he takes over immediately. He's happy they get done, I get what makes me happy too. It just requires some creativity to coexist peacefully.

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    However, I think the bigger issue with SJs is the amount of time it takes the other person to fulfill our request. I think when SJs say something, they expect a somewhat immediate response (because their own responses are immediate...
    Yes, I agree timeframe is a big issue. The harder part is when there's a disconnect on the priority level, or agreeing whether something actually needs to get done in the first place.

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    Say, "Honey, I'm doing X right now, but I'll be happy to do it the next free moment I have." Of course, this will really only work if you are actually dependable and follow through..
    Yep, that's how I approach things too. But again, just because something is a priority for you (ie wash the dishes RIGHT after eating) is not for me. So expecting someone to obey is inconsiderate, and that's how an SJ can come across.

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    Frankly, SJs are fairly hardworking and self-sufficient, and IMO we don't ask for a whole lot of big things from our partners. We show love and commitment in the day-to-day things, and we like it when our partners notice all the little things we do that often go unnoticed. It's sometimes really easy for us to become doormats or taken for granted by the other types. Don't see it so much as us nagging, we'd just like you to share in the responsibility.
    We do appreciate you But I have a hard time imagining you as a doormat LOL!

  9. #79
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Guy View Post
    If you want an SJ to stop nagging you, listen to him or her. It's frustrating for both parties. They'll probably nag you when you aren't fulfilling your responsibilities. So be responsible to their standards.
    ahhh!!! or their right to be appointed delegator of said responsibilities!!! ahhhh!!
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #80
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    I found the most effective way to deal with the situation is.. to nod. Smile. Say: "Absolutely!" Then walk away.

    Sometimes, I tune out nagging by replaying my favorite songs in my head or think of something randomly funny. While they spew on externally, I spew on internally by going la-la-la.

Similar Threads

  1. [ISFP] How to make an ISFP fall in L-O-V-E
    By CzeCze in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 06-20-2014, 03:31 PM
  2. [MBTItm] ENFP Female + ISTJ male-How to make it work
    By SPARKles in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 113
    Last Post: 09-28-2011, 06:09 PM
  3. How to make [type] love you forever
    By Jack Flak in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 110
    Last Post: 12-18-2008, 04:12 AM
  4. [ISTJ] How to make an ISTJ swoon
    By moonbaby in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 11-16-2008, 11:14 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO