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  1. #61
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    What would it take for an SJ like you to go back on your initial request?
    A logical argument that proves that what I am asking is overbearing, excessive, or irrational.

    Honestly, I consider myself a rational person who chooses their battles sparingly and wisely, and I expect much more of myself than those around me. I expect to be respected, but I don't think I excessively nag and ask for things "just because I said so."

    The only recent nagging that I can think of involved my dad and I. My dad decided to purchase a newer-model SUV for my little sister who just got her license. Now, I'm the oldest of 4, and my brothers and I all got pieces of junk for our first cars. Clearly, my little sis is favored in every way by my father (there's more stories)...the kid gets everything she wants (and FTR, she can't even drive well)! I nagged him that he was being unfair and showing clear preference toward my sister above everyone else despite the fact that she does nothing spectacular. My dad simply responded, "You know life's not fair, and it's my money and what I do with it is my choice."

    I was angry with him, and was nagging him in telling him not to get it, but what could I do? It's wasn't my decision to make, and it wasn't my money, so why should I care? I walked off.

    Is that along the lines of what you were looking for? Could you provide a specific example of "invalid" nagging?

  2. #62
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    ^^ Aww Recoleta. That was unfair.

    What type do you think your Dad is?

  3. #63
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Hey, you know, this is just a suggestion re: the OP but how about just firmly saying "Will you please stop nagging me?!" Would that work? I know that would work on me if I were the nagger. lol

  4. #64
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    A logical argument that proves that what I am asking is overbearing, excessive, or irrational.

    Honestly, I consider myself a rational person who chooses their battles sparingly and wisely, and I expect much more of myself than those around me. I expect to be respected, but I don't think I excessively nag and ask for things "just because I said so."

    The only recent nagging that I can think of involved my dad and I. My dad decided to purchase a newer-model SUV for my little sister who just got her license. Now, I'm the oldest of 4, and my brothers and I all got pieces of junk for our first cars. Clearly, my little sis is favored in every way by my father (there's more stories)...the kid gets everything she wants (and FTR, she can't even drive well)! I nagged him that he was being unfair and showing clear preference toward my sister above everyone else despite the fact that she does nothing spectacular. My dad simply responded, "You know life's not fair, and it's my money and what I do with it is my choice."

    I was angry with him, and was nagging him in telling him not to get it, but what could I do? It's wasn't my decision to make, and it wasn't my money, so why should I care? I walked off.

    Is that along the lines of what you were looking for? Could you provide a specific example of "invalid" nagging?
    I think nagging can have a perfectly logical reason behind it, but it's just the fact that the person chose nagging as an output instead of something else, which could be more constructive. So then it depends on if the nagging was needless or unnecessary or not. Your example didn't sound that bad. I don't think ISxJs tend to be the worst.

    I get nagged about some things and it's occasionally probably for the better. I think that's true for most NPs, but we wouldn't want to admit that. Because by definition, getting nagged is annoying and overly persistent.

  5. #65
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Hey, you know, this is just a suggestion re: the OP but how about just firmly saying "Will you please stop nagging me?!" Would that work? I know that would work on me if I were the nagger. lol
    Yep, directly identifying the nagger as a nagger is the first step to eradicating it.

  6. #66
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    ^^ Aww Recoleta. That was unfair.

    What type do you think your Dad is?
    Oh don't worry. I still think *cough* know *cough* I'm right.

    My dad took the MBTI test for work a few years ago, but I don't remember his result. It wouldn't surprise me if he's an ENTJ or ESTJ. I lean more toward N because our thought processes are not similar at all. While he has his good qualities, he can be really anal retentive about stupid things...and yeah, he's a nagger too...lol. The dishwasher is a major source of conflict between the 2 of us, because in his mind, if the light is green, the dishwasher MUST be emptied immediately. I, on the other hand, don't care at all about the dishwasher, and I'll get around to it when I'm good and ready. I've tried to explain to him that the dishes aren't going anywhere, but this of course makes him angry (lol, I should take my own advice and negotiate with him).

    I usually end up yelling at him saying that if I can make it through grad school and can be trusted with the responsibility of running a classroom of kids then I can handle the stupid dishwasher on my own time frame. I'm an adult, and have lived on my own before and my life went just fine without him telling me what to do. For the record, I always win the dishwasher fight (see, I disarmed him with a logical argument).

  7. #67
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I think nagging can have a perfectly logical reason behind it, but it's just the fact that the person chose nagging as an output instead of something else, which could be more constructive. So then it depends on if the nagging was needless or unnecessary or not. Your example didn't sound that bad. I don't think ISxJs tend to be the worst.

    I get nagged about some things and it's occasionally probably for the better. I think that's true for most NPs, but we wouldn't want to admit that. Because by definition, getting nagged is annoying and overly persistent.
    You know what, I totally agree. It is the manner of delivery, not so much the actual request (since requests are usually beneficial for both parties involved). As for the dishwasher story I just told, my dad usually begins that conversation by nagging from the get-go, so therefore, I have no other position but to be on the defensive. If he asked nicely, I'd be much more receptive to doing what he wants.

    So really, what SJs could work on is the delivery of our requests (as in, make it a request, and not a demand and give them some space and time to meet our request should they choose to do it)

    Ok, everybody happy? It's bed time! Chau!

  8. #68
    Senior Member Rangler's Avatar
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    If it's a coworker, ask for the request via email.

    If it's a friend or significant other, make them explain why it should be a priority.

    If you're getting pissed off because they're right, acknowledge your pettiness and do the task.

    If it truly is not a priority, tell them that in the most impersonal manner possible and point to all the more important shit you are working on.

    In my experience NTs and SJs often come into conflict this way. It's important to build a relationship of trust and respect before a conflict occurs. It's equally important to drive the agenda when dealing with SJs, always be a step ahead with an eye to the future. That's what NTs strength is.
    R[a]ngl[e]r

  9. #69
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    If you want an SJ to stop nagging you, listen to him or her. It's frustrating for both parties. They'll probably nag you when you aren't fulfilling your responsibilities. So be responsible to their standards.

  10. #70
    rawr Costrin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by T-Guy View Post
    If you want an SJ to stop nagging you, listen to him or her. It's frustrating for both parties. They'll probably nag you when you aren't fulfilling your responsibilities. So be responsible to their standards.
    The problem is, we probably disagree on what my responsibilities are.

    Also, ZOMG an ESTJ.
    "All humour has a foundation of truth."
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