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  1. #51
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    FDG has a point, why do you want to change someone at all? You generally get a negative response.
    That's true. That's what I'm saying, it's a fundamental problem in this situation. How do we get people to stop nagging about something trivial, when to them it may be an integral part of their value-system?

    Is there ever any way to do it without causing damage?
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  2. #52
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    PeaceBaby you know us too well......
    Speak for yourself. If it's a priority to me that my partner and I say, be faithful to each other, then I expect it to actually be followed through with in action.

    As for nagging, as adults, we all have free will and a mind and heart of our own that helps us make decisions. I prefer it when a person acts in line with their true nature so I don't ever nag people. If I happen to clash with someone because of our differences anyway, instead of nagging them and trying to change them, I probably will just avoid them and not get too close to them.

  3. #53

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    There is only one way. Learn better than the one doing the nagging until you own the position.

    The best way out is through.

  4. #54
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    SJ's just need to be appreciated, like anyone else, and want their priorites to be respected - not obeyed, just respected. A bossy SJ needs to remember to respect other's boundaries from time to time.
    I can see where you're coming from, and to a certain extent I can agree if the situation is peer to peer. However, I think the bigger issue with SJs is the amount of time it takes the other person to fulfill our request. I think when SJs say something, they expect a somewhat immediate response (because their own responses are immediate...and yes, we sometimes project our own high standards onto others), and it irritates us if something we deem as important is totally blown off by the other party. In order to stop the nagging, all you have to do is simply negotiate. Say, "Honey, I'm doing X right now, but I'll be happy to do it the next free moment I have." Of course, this will really only work if you are actually dependable and follow through.

    Frankly, SJs are fairly hardworking and self-sufficient, and IMO we don't ask for a whole lot of big things from our partners. We show love and commitment in the day-to-day things, and we like it when our partners notice all the little things we do that often go unnoticed. It's sometimes really easy for us to become doormats or taken for granted by the other types. Don't see it so much as us nagging, we'd just like you to share in the responsibility.

  5. #55
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Nah, the SJ's are the ones who want to toss the grenade to straighten out everyone else!

    SJ's just need to be appreciated, like anyone else, and want their priorites to be respected - not obeyed, just respected. A bossy SJ needs to remember to respect other's boundaries from time to time.
    I don't know... this sounds like appeasement. Short of grenades, how should unnecessary SJ nagging be dealt with?

    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    However, I think the bigger issue with SJs is the amount of time it takes the other person to fulfill our request.
    Another issue is whether the SJ's initial request was valid or not in the first place.

  6. #56
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    ^ Well, first you'd have to define or negotiate the terms of an irrational or invalid request.

    I mean, there's a big difference between a SJ asking you to pick up after yourself vs. a SJ asking you to alphabetize the DVD collection because it irritates their OCD compulsions or something.

  7. #57
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Speak for yourself. If it's a priority to me that my partner and I say, be faithful to each other, then I expect it to actually be followed through with in action.

    As for nagging, as adults, we all have free will and a mind and heart of our own that helps us make decisions. I prefer it when a person acts in line with their true nature so I don't ever nag people. If I happen to clash with someone because of our differences anyway, instead of nagging them and trying to change them, I probably will just avoid them and not get too close to them.
    Yes, you are right, Hmm. I forgot to elaborate on the "throwing of a grenade" part of PeaceBaby's quote. I don't throw a grenade in unless I absolutley MUST to obtain order. (And I have done this before, and it works!) Otherwise, I just accept people for who they are and like you said, don't get too close to them.

    I don't hold people to the high standards I hold myself to. It wouldn't be fair. But if they challenge me on purpose, I'm not going to back down unless I feel I havn't a strong enough argument OR I just don't feel like dealing with the other person because I feel they are being obnoxious and wasting my time!

    To be honest, if I ever were trying to change someone (which I wouldn't attempt to do) nagging wouldn't be the way I would go about doing it in the first place! Nagging can just lead to similar circumstances as using negative reinforcement I think? And you want to use positive reinforcements as much as possible instead. Especially if your a parent!!!

    Note: I may have the negative and positive switched around I can't remember!

  8. #58
    Minister of Propagandhi ajblaise's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Recoleta View Post
    ^ Well, first you'd have to define or negotiate the terms of an irrational or invalid request.

    I mean, there's a big difference between a SJ asking you to pick up after yourself vs. a SJ asking you to alphabetize the DVD collection because it irritates their OCD compulsions or something.
    What would it take for an SJ like you to go back on your initial request?

  9. #59
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Lol...you got your reinforcements right, Dave. Go B.F. Skinner!

  10. #60
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    Yes, you are right, Hmm. I forgot to elaborate on the "throwing of a grenade" part of PeaceBaby's quote. I don't throw a grenade in unless I absolutley MUST to obtain order. (And I have done this before, and it works!) Otherwise, I just accept people for who they are and like you said, don't get too close to them.

    I don't hold people to the high standards I hold myself to. It wouldn't be fair. But if they challenge me on purpose, I'm not going to back down unless I feel I havn't a strong enough argument OR I just don't feel like dealing with the other person because I feel they are being obnoxious and wasting my time!

    To be honest, if I ever were trying to change someone (which I wouldn't attempt to do) nagging wouldn't be the way I would go about doing it in the first place! Nagging can just lead to similar circumstances as using negative reinforcement I think? And you want to use positive reinforcements as much as possible instead. Especially if your a parent!!!

    Note: I may have the negative and positive switched around I can't remember!
    Ahh, too true, d@ve. I think the only difference between you and I is that I don't like arguing. I guess that's because I really dislike conflict. I'm more likely to give into the other person rather than argue or simply avoid them if I don't know what else to do. With kids it's a little different. When I'm around them I feel more responsibile for guiding them.

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