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  1. #11
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    The best thing that works with me is a very direct and concrete approach.

    "I don't want to talk about this. It is obviously very important to you but it is not a priority for me at all. I need to move on to other things. End of story."


    (depends on the situation and relatiionship with the person, but this is a general approach that usually works for me.)

  2. #12
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    The best thing that works with me is a very direct and concrete approach. "I don't want to talk about this. It is obviously very important to you but it is not a priority for me at all. I need to move on to other things. End of story." (depends on the situation and relatiionship with the person, but this is a general approach that usually works for me.)
    Ouch.
    Good luck with that.

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Wow, I would say not completely. I have found to be most effective an acknowlegement of the "issue" followed by a promise to think about solutions to it. For example:

    SJ: How come no one puts stuff away? Why am I the only person who does anything around here?
    Me: I hear what you are saying - that's frustrating. Let's think about how we can fix this.
    I think an SJ just needs reassurance that someone cares (or wants to understand) about what bothers them and make an effort to try to facilitate a fix.
    Yup.

    With J's and then SJ's in particular, it seems to help to show them you understand what their issue is, then (if you have a relationship with them and don't really HAVE the option to blow them off without paying for it later) set a time to revisit it if you need time to think of some solutions. Usually they get more agitated as time goes by if there is no apparent closure that is set to occur, so the compromise is to buy time but offer a "next step" or discussion time about it.

    Sometimes eventually it does get to a point of one person wanting things one way and the other wanting something else, and I guess then one might have to hold their ground... but even just giving reassurance (like above) when a more dutiful person is griping about feeling like the load is on them all the time is enough to smooth things out.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #13
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Ouch.
    Good luck with that.
    That's what I was thinking. If I said that to my ESTJ step mom I'd get eaten alive.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    That's what I was thinking. If I said that to my ESTJ step mom I'd get eaten alive.
    Usually, with me and ESTJs, it gets to physical fights.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  5. #15
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    actually, it works.
    my mother, (esfj)
    2 supervisors (estjs)
    friends, (istjs, isfjs)
    all back down after this approach. It seems scary but I don't really care, if people piss me off then they're going to get responses like that. I just always remember that nagging is rude and inappropriate and unacceptable. They don't put up with my shit, I don't put up with theirs.

  6. #16
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    actually, it works.
    my mother, (esfj)
    2 supervisors (estjs)
    friends, (istjs, isfjs)
    all back down after this approach. It seems scary but I don't really care, if people piss me off then they're going to get responses like that. I just always remember that nagging is rude and inappropriate and unacceptable. They don't put up with my shit, I don't put up with theirs.
    +1000000
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

  7. #17
    Te > Fi > Ni Shaula's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Wow, I would say not completely. I have found to be most effective an acknowlegement of the "issue" followed by a promise to think about solutions to it.

    For example:

    SJ: How come no one puts stuff away? Why am I the only person who does anything around here?

    Me: I hear what you are saying - that's frustrating. Let's think about how we can fix this.

    I think an SJ just needs reassurance that someone cares (or wants to understand) about what bothers them and make an effort to try to facilitate a fix.

    Hope that helps!
    This approach works best for me and causes the least damage for both parties.
    Is not to be held accuntable for peeling errors.

  8. #18
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    I wish I could help you, but I can't think of any plan of action.

    What are you okay with? Do you want to try persuading the SJ, or winning a verbal fight, or trying to compromise, or what?

    I'm always at a loss when people ask this question around here. The only obvious solution involves someone losing their pride, and most people would rather not do that, especially repeatedly. Is there any comfortable way to handle this?

    The truth is that most people can be reasoned with, so if you each sit down and explain yourselves to each other, and try to find a solution, it can usually work, even if not a great one. Do we really think we are the only reasonable people around?

    But sometimes, people just aren't easy to deal with, and stubbornness runs strong in SJs. So I wonder what we can all do.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  9. #19
    Wild Card Atomic Fiend's Avatar
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    You can't. As long as they care about you, or you're even a part of they're life they will nag.

    This is a good thing.

  10. #20
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    I wish I could help you, but I can't think of any plan of action.

    What are you okay with? Do you want to try persuading the SJ, or winning a verbal fight, or trying to compromise, or what?
    I'm always at a loss when people ask this question around here. The only obvious solution involves someone losing their pride, and most people would rather not do that, especially repeatedly. Is there any comfortable way to handle this?

    The truth is that most people can be reasoned with, so if you each sit down and explain yourselves to each other, and try to find a solution, it can usually work, even if not a great one. Do we really think we are the only reasonable people around?

    But sometimes, people just aren't easy to deal with, and stubbornness runs strong in SJs. So I wonder what we can all do.
    Yea, that's the key.
    . It really depends. (My answer assumes empty, constant, nagging) but if the argument has merit, then I would answer differently.

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