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  1. #31
    Member b4b's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    It's easy to ask for forgiveness, but without actions apologies are meaningless.

    So he just happened to became extremely busy just about the time you send him an important message telling how you feel, even thought he was able to write you long emails each day before?

    Was he too busy to read his email? Was he too busy to answer? The first case seems unlikely, since he has been doing it probably many times a day before (you can't write daily email messages if you don't read your email couple of times each day). And if he knew he was too busy, why not just give a short answer, like

    "Wow... I think have some feelings for you too. But all the hell broke just loose here at work, so I'll have to write you later. Be seeing ya! "

    I think he was just confused by your message, needed sometime to think about it, and he eventually became avoidant towards the issue. So probably he was just flirting with you, because he felt miserable and unattractive (living in a bad relationship does that to a person). Maybe he liked the feeling of being liked again. And who of us wouldn't...

    But I think he wouldn't be ready for a relationship with you anyways, since he'd need some time to heal his emotional wounds. Jumping from one relationship to an another wouldn't suit him, as he seems to be a SJ.

    And seriously, how would you have dated him from North America? Long distance relationships just don't work. Period. Yes, you can email and use messenger all you want, but you wouldn't really learn to know this guy. You'd only see what he'd show you. I'm quite confident that good relationships can only be formed by spending lots of time face-to-face, sharing common experiences and having fun together. Well, of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I've learned not to count on those.

    I suggest you find a guy from North America... there are few millions of them anyways... Enough room for one perfect husband?

    Habba, I think you're right about him...yeah, he just happened to be extremely busy when I wrote him how I feel...now that he wrote back, it was very long too, but ALL apologies, he didn't even answer one question from my previous (important) email....he was probably hunting for some compliments, once he got them, he was all happy and moved on....maybe there's a little narcissist in him

    anyway, I cut him off before he could do this to me, I wouldn't be able to handle that if he did it again

    as for the distance....most of my serious relationships where long distance at first (i mean we would meet in person somewhere and then continue over phone/mail) I lived in different countries (that's because of the job I do), so this is not such a big deal, plus we will see each other at least 2 more times this year (good thing I finished it on a very friendly basis )...however, I'm sure somebody closer would be better...I'm just so stubborn and picky i guess....he 'seemed' to fit very well

  2. #32
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    What issues didn't he address before? Please tell me and I'll try to answer them. I mean, its possible he could have been busy, or it took time to realise that you were talking about him. He seems to care about you..Are you sure, you want to do this? Are there any ways you could feel this can work out?

  3. #33
    Member b4b's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Siegfried View Post
    What issues didn't he address before? Please tell me and I'll try to answer them. I mean, its possible he could have been busy, or it took time to realise that you were talking about him. He seems to care about you..Are you sure, you want to do this? Are there any ways you could feel this can work out?
    I wrote him how I feel about him...it was pretty honest (so unlike me) asked him some personal questions, future related, his dreams and stuff...no more joking (normally the entire conversations were mostly jokes, especially about "serious" subjects) but he didn't respond to them...
    it's too late, I already wrote him sort of: "let's just be friends" and stuff...this time he responded right away but very short " i will write you back tomorrow i promise..."(plus some nice words)...almost as if he was busy again...but then I see him being online an hour later! can't be that busy after all... I think he just doesn't know what to say...and all he wanted is to hear some nice words from me to make him feel better...

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    I wrote him how I feel about him...it was pretty honest (so unlike me) asked him some personal questions, future related, his dreams and stuff...no more joking (normally the entire conversations were mostly jokes, especially about "serious" subjects) but he didn't respond to them...
    it's too late, I already wrote him sort of: "let's just be friends" and stuff...this time he responded right away but very short " i will write you back tomorrow i promise..."(plus some nice words)...almost as if he was busy again...but then I see him being online an hour later! can't be that busy after all... I think he just doesn't know what to say...and all he wanted is to hear some nice words from me to make him feel better...
    When I'm like that I'm trying to improve as person, by trying to learn more, I have done many things wrong, trying to catch up and in this I become abit lost. I agree that he doesn't know what to say at times, but not nice words to make him feel better, I wouldn't mean to do that. I can address issues a lot better like on MSN or phone daily or meeting up, where I'm sure its to do with me. Its your decision, if you're not happy with it, he will understand.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    as for the distance....most of my serious relationships where long distance at first (i mean we would meet in person somewhere and then continue over phone/mail) I lived in different countries (that's because of the job I do), so this is not such a big deal, plus we will see each other at least 2 more times this year (good thing I finished it on a very friendly basis )
    I'm not you, but for me it would have to be "2 more times this month". In person meetings can not be replaced by any other means. Seeing and feeling the other person in real-time is just so much more intense, than any other way. There are several studies saying that people who "click" very start synchronizing with each others. Their heart rates begin to follow each others, they'll both start doing unconscious, uncontrollable and almost unnoticeable moves (like they might blink their eyes the same time), etc. And this is only possible if you hear, see, feel and smell the other one.

    Look at me explaining all this stuff scientifically! I'm ISTJ alright! Just follow your heart, yours is much more useful than mine.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  6. #36
    Member b4b's Avatar
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    you guys are right...despite the things I've done before, I understand not everyone is into long term relationships...and I rather end it before he does.

    thanks for all the advice, I like this place....I'll stick around

  7. #37
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    I like this place....I'll stick around
    Welcome.

    Not so sure anymore about the extrovertness of yourself?
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  8. #38
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    you guys are right...despite the things I've done before, I understand not everyone is into long term relationships...and I rather end it before he does.

    thanks for all the advice, I like this place....I'll stick around
    I'm agreeing with the others this time. Habba hit it right on target!

    I hope you DO stick around!

  9. #39
    Member b4b's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    Welcome.

    Not so sure anymore about the extrovertness of yourself?
    yeah, well, I thought I was more E, but from the description I posted about myself in another thread (to help me type myself) I'm being typed as I...and since I don't know much about MBTI yet, i will just stick with an X

  10. #40
    Senior Member moonbaby's Avatar
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    wow.....I felt like I just read my circumstances more in the beginning.

    Mine is still in Germany, still doing all the same things you mentioned including STILL in a bad relationship. I refuse to be his pacifier. I walked away for awhile...he freaked out a bit and got blatent toward me. Once I responded back with 'it is what it is, I will always care about you and consider you one of my best friends' he disappeared for like 4 months. Finally he has resurfaced but in a VERY VERY formal manner.

    *by the way, mine uses work all the time as an excuse for not being in touch....and he also runs and hides when emotions are aligned. As long as we are playing, he is fine. If it gets serious he cant handle it. I think it is because he is across the pond in a unhappy relationship that involves a child.

    I am glad to see you arent wasting your time. I wasted 3+ years of mine....


    *by the way...hi to all the regulars -I havent been on in awhile.

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