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Thread: ISTJ Females

  1. #51
    Junior Member Amber's Avatar
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    That sounds about right. My flirting is closer to 'regular conversation' than flirting... but I know I'm flirting... and that's all that matters, right?

    Also, glad to see there are other ISTJ females out there.

  2. #52
    Senior Member Wanderer's Avatar
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    *bumps up from the grave*
    Not to resurrect a dead thread.. but I'm resurrecting a dead thread. I'm yanking out the paddles and I'm gonna zap this sucker!


    ISTJ females! I've got some questions for you! Please please please report in?

    I'm all but dating an ISTJ girl that I know (our parents/families/friends all assume we're dating, and I suppose we are but neither of us is admitting it yet.. ..and we are always in contact with each other..yeah, we're basically in an undeclared relationship.)

    Anyway! I'd like to know what female ISTJ's look for in romantic relationships.
    EDIT: more to the point, I am one hell of an INFJ. So what I normally do in a romantic relationship might not work/be appreciated (I've only dated NF's prior to this girl)
    So. Um. What am I supposed to do, exactly?

  3. #53
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    I'm backing you up! I also need loads of advice on this matter

  4. #54
    Junior Member Amber's Avatar
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    Well - for starters, ISTJ females like consistency, so don't become overly emotional or overreact to situations that aren't that important. At the same time, we look for support.. and since we generally put a lot of thought and fact-finding into our decisions, we usually make fairly good choices on a responsibility level. However, what I think we look for (or at least I do) in a potential mate is someone who is supportive, friendly, consistent and of course more outwardly emotional than myself... I need someone to bring me out of my shell!

    Don't go overboard and tell her all of the dreams, desires and fantasies you've ever had about your relationship... but let her know that you feel lucky to have her and that you're happy with your relationship.

    I guess unless there are more specific questions, that is my personal opinion on the matter

  5. #55
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    @Wanderer: I'm not an ISTJ but I'm close, and I'm female, and I have lots of INFJ friends and family members, so I'll lend my voice in here Not sure if you still need the advice still, since you asked the question several months ago, but whatevs!

    I'll focus a lot on what you should expect as well as what she expects, to avoid future relationship resentment on your part.

    Amber's right that ISTJs like consistency, and I'd say also that if they're like ESTJ females then they care a lot about thoughtfulness, stability and honesty. Elaboration:

    1: Thoughtfulness
    xSTJ women may not be "romantic" in the traditional sense, especially compared to NFs, but we are very very thoughtful and we express our love that way -- meaning, that's what we expect from our partners too. We remember what's going on in your life, and we try to do what we can to be supportive and to make the bad things better for you by showing that we're there, and we see a lack of that behavior from a partner as meaning that they don't care as much about us as we do about them.

    2: Stability
    Partners rely on each other, and just as you probably expect to be able to rely on your very steady and level-headed ISTJ when something comes up in your life, so too does the ISTJ expect to rely on you. A lot of people don't really realize that about xSTJs at first, because we seem so in control all the time -- so if/when your ISTJ has a very vulnerable moment (which may be disguised under a veil of sarcasm and/or self-deprecation), she does want you to be a supportive friend and loving partner and comfort her in a grounded way. (Those moments of opening up are often my personal litmus test for friendships; if my opening up doesn't make the person awkward --which it often does-- then I can become even deeper friends with them, but if it is awkward, then I know to not open up to them for a while.) Emphasis on "grounded" because if an xSTJ is freaking out about something and are talking to you about it, it's because they don't want to be freaking out anymore; they want to hear a reason why they don't need to be freaking out, or, if not that, then something they can do to fix the scary thing that will definitely work. So: be there for them, be calm and steady when they aren't, just as they're calm and steady for you when you aren't.

    3: Honesty
    Healthy relationships can't be healthy if you're afraid to tell your partner the truth. If an ISTJ asks if her dress makes her look fat, she might actually appreciate your negative but honest answer (as long as you're not in public at the time!). And if an xSTJ female complains about something really upsetting that's going on in her life, it's pretty likely -- much more likely than if an NF was complaining about it -- that she wants advice or input. If ISTJs are like ESTJs, we try to solve our most serious issues internally before we, as a last resort, try and get help from elsewhere.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  6. #56
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amber View Post
    ... but let her know that you feel lucky to have her and that you're happy with your relationship.

    I guess unless there are more specific questions, that is my personal opinion on the matter
    ...And how might a gentleman let this ISTJ female he fancies know how he feels? Would a simple and blunt "I feel lucky to have you in my life" do? Maybe taking her out to a fancy resturant? Maybe... *gasp* buying her shiny new things like jewelry? (lol note Costrins picture on the first page of the thread).

    Seriously, even though I myself am an ISTJ, a female ISTJ is a still female so that means men have double the disadvantage!
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #57
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    ...And how might a gentleman let this ISTJ female he fancies know how he feels? Would a simple and blunt "I feel lucky to have you in my life" do? Maybe taking her out to a fancy resturant?
    Yes!!!!!!!! That would be perfect! Straightforward and honest = the sweetest romantic STJ talk.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #58
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Yes!!!!!!!! That would be perfect! Straightforward and honest = the sweetest romantic STJ talk.


    ...and what about the second part? Buying her shiny new things and all?
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #59
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post


    ...and what about the second part? Buying her shiny new things and all?
    Sure! Just make sure they're the sort of things she would like. When guys buy fashionable items for girls, it can be tricky business. Flowers or chocolate may be a safer bet -- and less pricey.

    Definitely make sure it's personalized somehow -- i.e. that it relates to her interests somehow. e.g. if she likes peanut butter, getting her chocolates with peanut butter? Or maybe not even chocolates! My main point is: gifts are so much sweeter (pun not intended) when there's thought behind them. But if you're like the ISTJs I know, I didn't even need to tell you that.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
    1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
    want to ask me something? go for it!

  10. #60
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Sure! Just make sure they're the sort of things she would like. When guys buy fashionable items for girls, it can be [b][i]tricky[i/][b/] business. Flowers or chocolate may be a safer bet -- and less pricey.

    Definitely make sure it's personalized somehow -- i.e. that it relates to her interests somehow. e.g. if she likes peanut butter, getting her chocolates with peanut butter? Or maybe not even chocolates! My main point is: gifts are so much sweeter (pun not intended) when there's thought behind them. But if you're like the ISTJs I know, I didn't even need to tell you that.
    TRICKY?!?!

    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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